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Shorts from John Slocum

  1. McWilliamsburg by John Slocum on February 15, 2004
  2. I have received your critique of ‘The Return of the King’ and would like to respond. by John Slocum on February 23, 2004
  3. So you go into a restaurant, one of New York City’s finest, everyone wants to eat there, and you want to order a bottle of wine. by John Slocum on February 28, 2004
  4. “Fonterelli puts merlot in his Barolo,” by John Slocum on March 05, 2004
  5. “Tell me again how tannins affect the tongue,” asked Sheryl. by John Slocum on March 08, 2004
  6. Each of us has more than one sphincter. by John Slocum on March 10, 2004
  7. Hypocycloid by John Slocum on March 18, 2004
  8. Aromas and Love Part I by John Slocum on March 23, 2004
  9. Aromas and Love Part II by John Slocum on March 23, 2004
  10. “Tais-toi avant que je te bats à la figure avec mon bâton!” by John Slocum on March 25, 2004
  11. The Fabulous Tale of Matza: He Can Only Say ‘You Cunt’ by John Slocum on March 26, 2004
  12. Snowy, tongue hanging out and panting, looked at Tintin lying face down on the floor. by John Slocum on March 31, 2004
  13. “This is no longer just about German wines, is it?” asked Smith. by John Slocum on April 01, 2004
  14. Wendell Buttress backed up 3 steps and prepared to take the corner kick. by John Slocum on April 05, 2004
  15. Tired…tired…so very tired. by John Slocum on April 11, 2004
  16. “It would be nice if, every now and then, one of you would massage my balls,” said Father Xaverus... by John Slocum on April 16, 2004
  17. Obligatory Shite Short XII by John Slocum on April 23, 2004
  18. It was April and the ramps, fresh from the Farmer’s Market, were pungent as they warmed atop a mountain of scrambled pheasant eggs, pheasant sausage, shiitakes and grated local cheddar. by John Slocum on April 28, 2004
  19. I had been lubricating with iodine-125 and I think my wife’s vagina was degrading. by John Slocum on May 10, 2004
  20. Pfineous caught a mouse tonight! by John Slocum on May 31, 2004
  21. I had a great glass of 2000 Vallone Brindisi Rosso Riserva at the bar at Lippa. by John Slocum on May 31, 2004
  22. “All great wines are tense.” by John Slocum on June 10, 2004
  23. The wine tasted like violence towards women by John Slocum on June 17, 2004
  24. “I’m sorry I went into your behind by John Slocum on June 23, 2004
  25. “I think it’s the Friedl-Crafts Alkylation you’re after by John Slocum on July 03, 2004
  26. I had an obstreperous booger in the back right corner of my left nostril by John Slocum on July 03, 2004
  27. I had sacrificed and eaten Reggie, my girlfriend's 2 year old by John Slocum on July 11, 2004
  28. Jiggily wiggily bungily wungily higgledy piggledy strangely kapoongally by John Slocum on July 15, 2004
  29. I was growing more and more disgusted with the way everyone was ordering their latte by John Slocum on July 18, 2004
  30. Tiger Yitzakh (named after his uncle, Tiger Sedgwick - his mother’s brother), a cunt to a man, rolled a first class bone on the coffee table, lit it up and toked that shit by John Slocum on July 23, 2004
  31. I’ve never like your austere Loire Valley Chenin Blanc, and you can take your hands off my tits. In fact, it’s over between us…we’re through.” by John Slocum on August 10, 2004
  32. The seeds of my downfall were sown in January, 19XX by John Slocum on August 15, 2004
  33. My pussy gets really wet at the drop of a pin and the juice runs outta my fuck-hole and down into my ass-crack by John Slocum on August 21, 2004
  34. Sommelier Feldman sidled up to the table of 4 young nubiles. "Can I help you with the wine list, ladies?" he said suavely. by John Slocum on September 02, 2004
  35. “A man’s sense of self worth is intimately tied to his sense of control over the movements of his colon.” by John Slocum on September 13, 2004
  36. I am a writer but I suffer from severe jock-itch. by John Slocum on September 26, 2004
  37. “Later, when I’m fucking you from behind, I’m going to stick my finger in your ass by John Slocum on September 29, 2004
  38. Right then and there I made my decision. by John Slocum on December 07, 2004
  39. Conversation between the sexes. by John Slocum on December 08, 2004
  40. Aromas and Love Part III by John Slocum on December 12, 2004
  41. Young, innocent blond pussy and rock-hard, long black cock by John Slocum on December 28, 2004
  42. I think we need to strategize the refrigerator better by John Slocum on January 02, 2005
  43. by John Slocum on January 25, 2005
  44. FDR Fart by John Slocum on January 27, 2005
  45. "I think I'll telegraph the end of this short," said Roald Dahl fingering his turtle head as the magic elevator shot out of the ionoshphere like a turd into the giant, black maw of outer space by John Slocum on January 28, 2005
  46. A cure for cancer. by John Slocum on February 07, 2005
  47. A palate's a crazy, mixed-up thing to base your life on by John Slocum on February 15, 2005
  48. Talk to Her Pussy. by John Slocum on February 16, 2005
  49. The life of Howard. by John Slocum on February 21, 2005
  50. There was only one way to describe Phineas Gage’s mood: irritable. by John Slocum on March 01, 2005
  51. Her cunt was getting wetter and wetter with every sip. by John Slocum on March 16, 2005
  52. What Ketchup Can Do To a Guy by John Slocum on April 02, 2005
  53. Aromas and Love Part IV by John Slocum on April 06, 2005
  54. You are sick by John Slocum on April 06, 2005
  55. Hey, Jackie, I like your friend, Sonia. by John Slocum on April 23, 2005
  56. Ronald Hankpanker had trouble getting women to fuck him. by John Slocum on May 30, 2005
  57. Hey, kitty-cat - what would you do? by John Slocum on September 26, 2005