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Shorts from Benny Maniacs

  1. The shit was going to hit the fan like a bad situation coming to the fore. by Benny Maniacs on May 15, 2003
  2. Feldspar sat at his own Bar-mitzvah, crushing his fingers into each other. by Benny Maniacs on June 07, 2003
  3. My grandfather's knee was strong and plaid. by Benny Maniacs on June 17, 2003
  4. Daniel Boone searched the chewing gum dotted sidewalk for his diamonds. by Benny Maniacs on June 19, 2003
  5. God entered the apartment, sheepishly looking for a refrigerator to stash his warm Coors Lights. by Benny Maniacs on July 01, 2003
  6. Barbara Kramer looked at the majestic ATM screen, a rainbow of iridescent pixels. by Benny Maniacs on July 06, 2003
  7. The ocean was that aqua Club Med color, but he wasn't a tourist... by Benny Maniacs on August 18, 2003
  8. Jim Boner chose some Navy blue cargo pants, thinking the conservative Naval color would appeal to the P.O.T.U.S. by Benny Maniacs on August 27, 2003
  9. Ishito Kashimuro was deliriously excited, his mustache moist with perspiration. by Benny Maniacs on September 11, 2003
  10. The stillness of Sheila's fanny-pack was beginning to unsettle him. by Benny Maniacs on September 16, 2003
  11. Fueled by the recent spate of car bombings, Kemar pressed down on his little Hondaís accelerator with relish. by Benny Maniacs on November 22, 2003
  12. Memo: Sometimes people look up at you when youíre fucking them. by Benny Maniacs on November 22, 2003
  13. Once, when I was a child, I had a fever; my hands felt just like two ballons. by Benny Maniacs on November 22, 2003
  14. Marvin hadn't washed his hair now for three months consecutively. by Benny Maniacs on December 04, 2003
  15. Flip wondered if teenage Jesus had been a loser. by Benny Maniacs on December 13, 2003
  16. He came into her Grand Opening, somehow feeling that the best was now behind him. by Benny Maniacs on December 17, 2003
  17. I will increase your mental reach, by Benny Maniacs on December 24, 2003
  18. Marlon Brando, Queen Latifah and Miss Piggy all knelt over a fountain. by Benny Maniacs on January 03, 2004
  19. Jeepak chomped into his Big Mac with a pantheon of contradictory emotions. by Benny Maniacs on January 04, 2004
  20. Sheila E unraveled a very long boa constrictor and began whipping Princeís naked buttocks. by Benny Maniacs on January 05, 2004
  21. Chipmunks scattered out from under Satanís pick-up as he sped down the dirt road by Benny Maniacs on January 21, 2004
  22. Stan liked to fill his bath, fine-tune the ratio of hot to cold so that he could barely stand the heat of it, and then slowly descend his dangling testes into the scalding water. by Benny Maniacs on January 22, 2004
  23. "Yo, that shit is FUCKED up, yo!" Walter said enthusiastically. by Benny Maniacs on January 29, 2004
  24. On the way home, I once again loathed myself for riding the so-called 'short bus', but at the same time loathed the world in which I had been classified 'tard'. by Benny Maniacs on February 04, 2004
  25. Moonbeams the ape leaned over his high perch, rubbing his sore balls and appraising the threat of his fellow simians below. by Benny Maniacs on February 14, 2004
  26. Ted-bah found that if he rotated his torso back and forth while he pinched his liver by Benny Maniacs on February 23, 2004
  27. The Radical Jewish Brotherhood flew at Mach seventeen in their penis fighters by Benny Maniacs on February 24, 2004
  28. She was like: I donít date bears. by Benny Maniacs on February 29, 2004
  29. by Benny Maniacs on March 01, 2004
  30. It was a tri-state area disaster. by Benny Maniacs on March 05, 2004
  31. My dad used to take us food shopping. by Benny Maniacs on March 14, 2004
  32. The cocky Jumbo Shrimp crawled along the sea bottom by Benny Maniacs on March 18, 2004
  33. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ. by Benny Maniacs on March 19, 2004
  34. The hairs that protrude from my nostrils by Benny Maniacs on March 30, 2004
  35. Am I to sit here and hide? by Benny Maniacs on April 05, 2004
  36. A large Conch shell passed me by, followed by a halogen desk lamp. by Benny Maniacs on April 18, 2004
  37. M. T. Bubblenut slid down the couch and landed on the floor in a neat puddle. by Benny Maniacs on April 22, 2004
  38. Bentley rested his hand on the hood of the Mercedes Benz C-class. by Benny Maniacs on April 30, 2004
  39. After finding myself stranded on a desert island with nearly five hundred women... by Benny Maniacs on May 06, 2004
  40. Misogyny is my favorite sport. by Benny Maniacs on May 17, 2004
  41. After watching the full Wagnerian Ring cycle by Benny Maniacs on May 20, 2004
  42. Mikey Leotard was chased by a completely insane dog by Benny Maniacs on June 05, 2004
  43. I work with this fat fucking twat named James. by Benny Maniacs on June 13, 2004
  44. Fairly vexed, Ass-man threw his hands up and walked out of the drawing room. by Benny Maniacs on June 16, 2004
  45. There was a time before time, when beasts walked the earth, and those beasts had a language called Zwargthram. by Benny Maniacs on June 21, 2004
  46. It's gettin It's gettin It's gettin kinda hectic by Benny Maniacs on June 23, 2004
  47. Herbert Wallace furiously paced his linoleum tiles, waiting for the call. by Benny Maniacs on July 01, 2004
  48. Ifferhite's graff-tex stockings snagged on her long but stubbly legs as she hurdled an oncoming Stromium bot by Benny Maniacs on July 07, 2004
  49. Marvin had to keep the final product in mind: by Benny Maniacs on July 08, 2004
  50. I don't get excited very often. by Benny Maniacs on July 13, 2004
  51. "I'm feelin' good!" the anonymous patient said to his Saturday night special, Rosa. by Benny Maniacs on July 16, 2004
  52. I stumbled on an epiphany the other day, when I was thinking about that fact that babies are for sex. by Benny Maniacs on July 30, 2004
  53. Once time my uncle Jimmy was suffering a severe bout of the ass. by Benny Maniacs on August 13, 2004
  54. Fuck, Braxton Hicks said, after he was hit by lightening. by Benny Maniacs on August 24, 2004
  55. After 17 years underground, Hannakack, a periodical cicada, emerged out of the ground and climbed a tree. by Benny Maniacs on August 27, 2004
  56. I'm thinking of a story about an Indian guy from India. by Benny Maniacs on September 06, 2004
  57. "If you will do me this one favor", I said to the Al Jar Mushdeen executioner. by Benny Maniacs on September 12, 2004
  58. I was in my study when I heard my wife's Infinity FX hum to life in the garage. by Benny Maniacs on September 19, 2004
  59. Traci Lords, Amber Lynn and Tori Welles marched up the steps of the Capitol building brandishing a flag. by Benny Maniacs on September 27, 2004
  60. As Eric Schwartz' Fecal Submarine No. 11,547 broke the fragile surface of the toilet water, Captain Jim hollered at his men. by Benny Maniacs on October 06, 2004
  61. It was like Red Dawn, except all the Russian invaders were Al Quaeda. by Benny Maniacs on October 13, 2004
  62. My pineal gland was hurting me. by Benny Maniacs on October 29, 2004
  63. Joel LaMignon is a brilliant MIT student with a penchant for high risk behavior by Benny Maniacs on November 06, 2004
  64. Dr. Henryís theory was proven correct, and the rest of them were put to shame. by Benny Maniacs on November 06, 2004
  65. They said it could never happening. Well it's happening. THE ALIEN RAIDERS by Benny Maniacs on November 21, 2004
  66. Johnny: Mr. Carter, where you were yesterday? by Benny Maniacs on January 04, 2005
  67. I once knew this Japanese girl who was in this little world of her own. by Benny Maniacs on January 17, 2005
  68. Dr. Gregori threw up into the sink, then inhaled the pendulous, sludgy vomit, and threw it up again by Benny Maniacs on January 22, 2005
  69. by Benny Maniacs on January 25, 2005
  70. Ever since I found Zoo-lady, my life has become unexpectedly meaningful. by Benny Maniacs on January 27, 2005
  71. Tom Cruise and that cute little girl from Man on Fire and I Am Sam by Benny Maniacs on February 10, 2005
  72. In the field before him, Dr. Fisk, geologist, was held entranced by his team excavating a diamond pipe. by Benny Maniacs on February 21, 2005
  73. Ivan looked and looked, digging into the snow with his thickly mittened gloves, but he could not find his soul. by Benny Maniacs on February 25, 2005
  74. Before the Great War, when Fatsoes ruled the world by Benny Maniacs on March 07, 2005
  75. After breakdancing for a while, a teenage Karol Wojtyla took a breather by Benny Maniacs on April 08, 2005
  76. Darth Vader thoughtfully worked over his magenta plasticine by Benny Maniacs on April 21, 2005
  77. There was a hermit woman... by Benny Maniacs on June 02, 2005
  78. You're rhymes are so stupid that they're deaf, blind and dumb by Benny Maniacs on June 27, 2005
  79. When I raise my hand, I always make you flinch by Benny Maniacs on July 02, 2005
  80. As I clung to... by Benny Maniacs on July 21, 2005