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Her keepsakes having been corroded by the uncommonly caustic uric acid of her hypoglycemic sister, Crackers, Crackersí sister was wretched, distraught and inconsolable. The used condom that she had saved from her very first lay (Bobby, in the treehouse), the used tampon from her first menses, and the used ticket stub from her first Red Sox game now lay in a dissolved, co-mingled pool of memories of memories. Even Mittens' blown-off head - pilfered while Iggy took a beating from Bruce, and mummified in cling-wrap to preserve it for the ages Ė was beyond salvage. But this is what happens when you shit where you fuck, so I guess she got what she deserved.
Date Written: May 20, 2004
Author: Mr. Joshua
Average Vote: 4
Further, I would say that even those who only occasionally remember, though generally believe, that there is no god, no point, etc., even if only when not distracted by hope of eating or fucking, are considerably more rare than those who believe with all their heart that life has a purpose, god loves them and/or everything happens for a reason. For example, statistics show that only .4% of Americans are atheists.
05/27/2004 Ewan Snow: judgment
05/27/2004 Ewan Snow: As you might have guessed, I'm no expert on evolution or any of this shit. It's all mere speculation on my part. I've recently found some books that seem to support this general take on things, though. Check out "The God Module". There's an interview with the author here
05/27/2004 qualcomm: love "The Godule"
05/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Anyone know where I can score "Michael Persinger's transcranial magnetic stimulator, a device that shoots a concentrated electromagnetic field at a specific portion of the brain. When directed at the temporal lobe, the subject invariably undergoes a religious/spiritual experience."
05/27/2004 Jon Matza: i.e., death.
05/27/2004 Cooper Green: Scoop, check the the box in your preferences that allows you to see shorts containing inside jokes (which may not be funny to you).
05/27/2004 TheBuyer: I slept in, what did I miss?
05/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Don't Cling-Wrap cat?
05/27/2004 John Slocum: I was having the same problem as scoop until cooper green's sage advice.
05/28/2004 John Slocum (4): Wow! not one vote. This is very good. By the way, Mr. Joshua, have you had any of your lafites?
05/28/2004 Ewan Snow: Huh, I never would have guessed the was Mr. Joshua...
05/28/2004 scoop: I couldn't agree more, Snowmuffin.
05/28/2004 qualcomm: you idiot, the last sentence was a dead giveaway
05/28/2004 qualcomm: (snow i mean; i don't expect scoop to know)
05/28/2004 scoop: Yeah, I was just itching to use Snowmuffin.
05/28/2004 Ewan Snow: What, the "shit where you fuck" thing? I never heard him say that. Or do you mean something else?
05/28/2004 qualcomm: yeah, i never heard him say it either, but it's so obviously something he would say, with its faux craggy wisdom
05/28/2004 qualcomm: also, cling-wrap is the term used for saran wrap in bad boy bubby, the red sox ticket stub, and the diction is very joshuaesque
05/28/2004 Dylan Danko: You sure it's not alu-MIN-ium foil?
05/28/2004 Ewan Snow: Good question, Danko.
05/28/2004 Mr. Joshua: I haven't opened the Lafites yet, Slocum, but I will imbibe them in the order you advised. Thanks for the vote...I'm pained by the lukewarm reaction to this short; I actually thought it was pretty good when I wrote it.
05/28/2004 Ewan Snow: I guess I was just expecting something different when I saw it in the queue.
05/28/2004 TheBuyer (3): whoops didn't rate it while the author was hidden. That was impolite, my apologies Mr. Joshua. As for the rating; pi. I'll make up the other .5 and change on your next one.
01/31/2005 Cyrus (5): Sincerest form of flattery.