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It had been over an hour since Laszlo had pinched a loaf, but still he searched his fingertips for the telltale fecal scent. One minor embarrassment years ago had persuaded him to raise his right index and middle fingers to his nose every few minutes whether he had recently moved his bowels or not.
Clean. For now. He greeted Adrianna Malloy, who was early for their meeting in Laszlo’s office. Adrianna was attractive, smart and sharp. It was her first day in Laszlo’s department, and he wanted to set the tone. He offered Adrianna a chair, then doffed his suit jacket to reveal a crisp white shirt and silk club tie adorning his trim, fit physique.
“I’ve heard great things about you, Adrianna, and I’m looking forward to your take on the new anti-dumping legislation,” Laszlo said, sniffing his fingertips. “Do you think we should pass on the Coyle initiative?” All business, no small talk. Be predictable. It was important that she understand that early on.
“Not at all. I expect a few buried cables, but I’m confident we can work it out,” she replied predictably, falling into step. “Is there something on your tie?”
As Laszlo looked down, his chin dislodged a nugget of grainflecked dross from the knot of his tie. It tumbled over the contours of his shirt front, following the folds of the bright white broadcloth, leaving a staccato path of excreta that wandered down his chest, pointing the way to the lump of ordure that had now settled into the folds of his trousers.
"Not at all," said Laszlo, sniffing his fingers. "I hate to unload this on you so soon, but I’d like to see us move on this Coyle thing right away."
Date Written: June 04, 2004Comments:
Author: Cooper Green
Average Vote: 4.5
06/10/2004 Will Disney (4): as per the assignment, you've employed leitmotif, metaphor, and puns in the same Short. low on laughs, but i appreciate the intellectual drive behind it. good spelling and grammar, though. i give it a solid B.
06/10/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): Paragraph five kinda blew it for me. I was enjoying the subtle stuff, and then we get this hunk of exposure. Hmmm.
06/10/2004 TheBuyer: i like the alcoholic chick in this, she seems to know her shit.
06/10/2004 TheBuyer (4): cheers. there, that's the one.
06/10/2004 qualcomm (5): i'm'a give this a fiver
06/10/2004 John Slocum (5): This short is very funny! FP - For me paragraph 5 works extremely well because it is wedged between 2 paragraphs with business-speak. It's like a hole opens up out of which the scatology comes flying, only to immediately retreat back and the hole seals itself up.
06/10/2004 TheBuyer: This reminds me of Tiddlycove.
06/11/2004 Cooper Green: TheBuyer: what possible reason could you have for being so utterly, stupidly wrong, you festering little shit?
06/11/2004 John Slocum: Wow, that's bile.
06/11/2004 scoop (5): I was on the fence with this one, but man, I am really impressed with the vitriol displayed here. Let's see some more of this.
06/11/2004 Jon Matza (5): Author: good short, stupendous comment
06/11/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Seems to get better every time I read it. Maybe it does!
06/11/2004 TheBuyer: child.
06/11/2004 TheBuyer: fucking child, goddamn that pisses me off, i want to let it go but not yet. hate my writing, that's fine, it's not that good, but what the fuck is your problem with me, you asshole? fucking random attack, and a shitty, pointless thing to do. feel shame.
06/11/2004 Will Disney: i wouldn't give them the satisfaction, thebuyer.
06/11/2004 TheBuyer: ya, i'm pretty much done, i'm not interested in gettin into a flame-war
06/11/2004 anonymous: Cooper and Matza, I heard TheBuyer called you guys Jeffersonian. Are you going to take that? TheBuyer, Cooper and Matza called you Hamiltonian. I wouldn't let that shit stand.
06/11/2004 Jon Matza: anon_user_a: I heard Danko compared you unfavorably to Horace Greeley.
06/11/2004 scoop: That's pretty hypocritical of Danko since Danko himself bears such close resemblance to the controversial historical figure: "While much admired, Greeley was also regarded as eccentric and odd, in both his personal appearance and his reformist ideas."
06/11/2004 anonymous: How dare he?! Danko makes Guy Fox look like John Major and Oviler Cromwell look like St. Patrick and QE2 look like QE1 and, finally, Malvolio look like Benvolio!
06/11/2004 qualcomm: or cornholio! ha ha! "tp for my bunghole." heh
06/11/2004 anonymous: yeah he makes flotsam look like jetsam
06/11/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Whoa. Nobody better be bringing f-ing Cromwell into this!
06/11/2004 Pix (4): Nice and dry then a perfect interjection of gross wetness. Probably more of a 4.5 but I'm holding back cause I can't breathe.
08/13/2004 Litcube (4):