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“Nobody doubts I have a great rapport with the ladies. But what some people call rape, others call a party. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women’s lib, it’s just nice to know your date’s not gonna spring a Jonny Stick and fuck you in the tomato can!” Everyone cracked up and, remember, I tickled your toes under the table. You knew I was slaying.

“Between the short haircuts and the soccer teams, you can’t find a decent piece of pussy this side of the Missouri. Now cock’s a different story. Have you ever commited idolatry? Have you ever bowed down before a monolith? Have you ever prostrated yourself before a force of nature so deep it fills your every crevice with jizz?” That’s when I took the opportunity of their stunned rapture to whip my dork out.

Have you ever noticed how most people are stupid. No seriously, your and my brand of humor goes way over their heads. I mean that crowd was just stammering at that point. I was so beyond them. I just couldn’t resist jinking off in their faces.


But, you know, they’re your friends. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but if they’re hung up about it than that’s their hand up.

Date Written: June 16, 2004
Author: John Matza
Average Vote: 3.6667

06/21/2004 TheBuyer (4): An unqualified 4 for the Matza fan-fiction
06/21/2004 Will Disney (4): 3.5
06/21/2004 Ewan Snow: Buyer's right. This is a total Matza rip-off. I thought I already posted this comment, but I guess I just thought it.
06/21/2004 TheBuyer: For the record it wasn't detective work, he left a message as a warning to the author that he'd be back.
06/22/2004 John Slocum: I said, I don't understand.
06/23/2004 Pix (3):