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Fairly vexed, Ass-man threw his hands up and walked out of the drawing room. This was the worst it had ever been. He had been king, KING I TELL YOU, of the anal sex video market. Now it had come to this. He had tried everything to get himself back into the job – tripple penetrations, horses, minor electrocution, you name it. Not that he had gotten limp or anything. But his craft had. His product wasn’t as hot as it had been. And now the money wasn’t there, and the coke had to be parcelled out, and well, it was just hard.
He looked back inside: a small girl with red hair was crying, she had obviously never taken it in the ass before, and was making a hysterical reference to the size of his, the Ass-man’s, cock. She said it was like a skyscraper. It was above average, no doubt, but he had seen far, far bigger. If she only knew how lucky she had it. Come to think of it, why don’t I get Carlo out of bed, and have him come in, Ass-man thought. That way, she’ll know how lucky she has it with me. He’d have simply called in a new girl, had they not been on the side of a mountain in Buddapest. But alas, they were stranded, money was almost all blown on the chalet and airfare, and he needed a miracle. They were getting antsy at the shop in San Fernando.
He went back in and tried to get things going.
OK. let’s try one more time.
I need more money, she said.
You and me both honey.
He had the cameramen start up, but just before he tried to penetrate, he felt a really weird vibration from the girl’s ass. He pulled back. There was a rumble. Suddenly, a huge cache of puppies fell from her ass hole. Puppies? They were just laying in a pile on the carpet, squirming. There was what looked like a broken placenta in there. The girl was screaming, but she seemed uninjured. Ass-man was swearing, backing up. He bumped into the cameraman, sending him halfway down a spiral staircase. The girl kept on stairing at the pile, screaming. Ass-man started to scream too, but then his scream turned into a smile, and laughter. This is just what he needed! This is it!
To the cameraman: Did you get that?!
Cameraman: Yes! But my ankle is fucked!
People the world over would talk about this tape at the water cooler. Ass-man: the Ass-Puppies tape.
Date Written: June 16, 2004Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.6667
06/18/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (5): I've never wanted a sequel to a short written so badly!
06/18/2004 TheBuyer (5): i have been saving this five for you all week. this short makes me very happy.
06/18/2004 Mr. Joshua (5):
06/18/2004 Litcube (3): Oh my.
06/18/2004 Ewan Snow: Not sure what the big deal is about this one. The puppy thing is more random than surprising or funny. Litcube, did people call you Clitlube when you were in school?
06/18/2004 Ewan Snow (3): So...
06/18/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: What do you mean? The puppies...spilling out of ass...girl screaming...Ass-man laughing...does there need to be a diagram drawn of the how humorous that is?
06/18/2004 Dylan Danko: humorous? Are you a fucking foreigner? Did you mean funny?
06/18/2004 TheBuyer: it is a rich tapestry of pain, crying, and buggery. like high school without the pimples.
06/18/2004 Mr. Joshua: At first I thought the puppy thing was the silly diversion of an author who didn't know how to end a short...but then he artfully and craftily wove this contrivance back into the tapestry of the story. I suppose that the 3rd graf is not as strong as the first two, but I still lean more toward a five than a four.
06/18/2004 Mr. Joshua: Shit, now buyer and I are sharing vernacular.
06/18/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: It's fuckin' funny, dude
06/18/2004 TheBuyer: weird.
06/18/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I want to find that red-haired girl and save her from this life of sin.
06/18/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Plus she makes puppies, which would be a bonus during the lean years.
06/18/2004 anonymous: Does anyone else notice Danko's extreme repudiation of anyone "different", when he is himself a closet foreigner? Fuckin Xenophobe.
06/18/2004 Litcube: Ewan, Yes. Witty *and* flattering.
06/18/2004 Dylan Danko (4): Now take that back.
06/18/2004 anonymous: Clitlube's getting pissed off.
06/18/2004 Litcube: Says who?
06/18/2004 Litcube: HEY!? Who's getting fuckin' pissed off!?
06/18/2004 Jon Matza (3): Call me a cunt, but I don't much care for this one either.
06/18/2004 anonymous: Cunt.
06/18/2004 Jon Matza: !! Heavens!!
06/18/2004 qualcomm (3): good idea, boring execution.
06/18/2004 John Slocum (3): There are no mountains in Budapest.
06/19/2004 Phony Millions (3): yeah, Budapest, not 'Buddapest'. What was that shit? Anyhow, this made me depressed. But then I always get depressed by porn - it's fucking depressing, anal porn.
06/20/2004 anonymous: I would have preferred it if the lzast nine of you who voted, didn't.
06/20/2004 Dylan Danko: Way to throw us off the trail, Benny.
06/20/2004 The Finch: We are being misled.
07/1/2004 scoop (3): alas, Maniacs, you didn't quite blow it, but you may have sucked it. A 3.5 rounded down for this infernal habit of yours voting on your own shorts like a pretty but insecure girl.
07/1/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah I fuckin hate it when pretty insecure girls vote on their own shorts
09/16/2004 Litcube: Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a girl! I have a cock! Sa-hareayouslay!
09/16/2004 scoop's brain: If you're not a girl, then why are you so hot for scoop?
09/16/2004 Mr. Pony: God, I'm so glad someone finally said it, even if it was a disembodied brain!
09/17/2004 Litcube: I may be a heterosexual male (with a cock!), but.. Have either of you *seen* scoop!? Sa-hareayouslay!
09/17/2004 scoop: Litcube for VP.
09/17/2004 Mr. Pony: This is so hot.