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Why must she always fixate on what I do wrong, mused Bob, prancing angrily through the fields of flaxen clover. I support her, buy her gifts, listen to her troubles when she's blue...here he lifted his petticoats to avoid catching them on some brambles... and still she treats me as if I was expendable, like some piece of old clothing! At last, he reached the clearing. With relief, he loosened the stays on his corset, lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply, taking care to avoid getting smoke on his bonnet. "How much longer?" he asked aloud. "How much longer?" Tears of anguish welled up in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. Let them run, he thought bitterly. As if she would ever notice a few streaks in his mascara!

Date Written: December 30, 1899
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.9

Comments:
12/30/1899 anonymous (1):
12/30/1899 anonymous (3):
11/26/2003 Dylan Danko (5): Has anyone read this?? Splendid!
11/26/2003 qualcomm: not that good, actually
05/15/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Not so bad, really!
06/3/2004 TheBuyer (5):
01/8/2005 The Rid (4): I liked it.
01/8/2005 Litcube (5): That's awesome.
01/8/2005 John Slocum (5): I'm in.
01/10/2005 John Slocum: Qualsy-walsy - what's your take on this one. Why not so good?
01/10/2005 qualcomm: i like the idea, but for some reason this has no visceral impact for me. i'm'a think about why and get back to this. (an unrelated note, but the appropriate terminology would be "streaks OF mascara"; the actual application of mascara is along too thin a line (the edge of your eyelid) for one to notice streaks IN it.)
01/10/2005 qualcomm (3): i think it may be the repetitiveness. the idea is a one-panel cartoon, and yet it gets teased out for many sentences. everything this short has to say is said in the first sentence. the joke doesn't deepen or develop. it's just more descriptions of Bob's quaint transvestitude. at a mere 131 words, this is too long and repetitive! 3.49.
01/10/2005 Dylan Danko: I have to agree with QC on this and will take back a star at my earliest convenience.
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: a one panel cartoon?
01/10/2005 Stomach Foot: yes. you draw some hairy guy in a corset prancing through flaxen clover, with a thought bubble over his head reading, "Why must she always fixate on what I do wrong? I support her, buy her gifts, listen to her troubles when she's blue..."
01/10/2005 qualcomm: sound, stomach foot. sound.
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: Error.
01/10/2005 qualcomm: no, i think stomach foot made a good point.
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: My detractors are clutching at straws--elusive straws that keep slipping through their fishy fingers!
01/10/2005 Mr. Pony: qualcomm, can't you form an opinion on your own, without the help of Stomach Foot?
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: stomach foot:qualcomm = mr joshua:tree
01/10/2005 Ewan Snow: I think you meant "qualcomm : stomach foot :: mr joshua : tree"
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: re formatting, I agree with/thank you for the correction, but I had the order the way I wanted it (stomach foot : qc::etc.)
01/10/2005 Ewan Snow: So, what are you saying, exactly? QC is sf's fake persona (as tree is Mr.J.'s)?
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: Is that really true? (Slocum was just floating the same theory last night.) My cinnabon ratio comment was just a follow up to pony's 11:40:38 AM joke below (i.e., that qc is the lackey of stomach foot). Just as tree is/was joshua's. Or so it seemed?!?
01/10/2005 Mr. Joshua (4): I'm getting real tired of the insinuations, Authors. My support for TREE is heartfelt and genuine. As I have previously noted, he represents the Paradigm Shift that could take Acme to the next level. As Bob Pollard might say, it's all about the kids. And TREE represents what the kids want. You fucks are so hell-bent on protecting your own little miserable patches of turf that you're willing to put your own petty needs above the greater Acme good. Just don't come crying to me later on. The J-Dog
01/10/2005 TheBuyer: Snow, possibly that stomach foot is backs the qc the same way Mr. J backs tree, not that they're the same person, which is way more insulting than suggesting one is the fake id of the other, I think.
01/10/2005 Stomach Foot: Stomach Foot here.
01/10/2005 Ewan Snow: Matza: I see. I was just asking what you meant. I do not believe Tree is Mr. J. However, SF may be QC for all I know. The below comments seem to indicate that QC may have posted under SF by accident when he wrote "yes. you draw some hairy guy in a corset prancing through flaxen clover..."
01/10/2005 Dylan Danko: As I've said before, I've seen Mr. Joshua pogoing at a Figgs show. He has no credibility. Not mention self respect.
01/10/2005 Mr. Joshua: That was just the booze talking, Danko. How about a little forbearance, pal?
01/10/2005 Dylan Danko: Only if you rub my shoulders.