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Have you stopped to consider genocide on the odors that contaminate the purity of your air? Have you considered the level of contaminants per cubic feet clogging the molecules in your living room? Your air is filthy. Do you smell it?

There is a conspiracy of particulates dander, dust, flecks of filth, smoke, fugs, pesticides, pollen, unspeakable harbingers of odor trapped in soles of your shoes, the creases of your flesh, perverting your home. There are billions of aromatic grotesques vaporizing in to an invisible mist drawn, like salmon swimming upstream eager to breed, to your epithelium, dissolving in to your nasal mucus, polluting your olfactory bulbs, performing a controlled burn on your cilia.

Have you thought about your children and the quality of their domestic atmosphere? They are exposed with every life affirming breath to an odiferous pestilence, a cabal of malevolent scents. You have jeopardized your family with squalid odors.

Do you smell it? Are you happy? It will only get worse; the stink will eventually take over. Your air will become unacceptably impure, filled with malodorous intnet. It will morph in to a fog equal parts flatulence, gingivitis, unfertilized egg, sweat, partially digested food, and semen -- vandalizing the air with a treacherous bouquet. You must eliminate this affront on your olfactory senses.

We offer a cure every tincture, every trace, every whiff of corrupted air will be contained, obliterated, erased, exterminated. And when we are done with your home, we will seek out other foul emanations, other aversive smells threatening you and your family and blot them out. There is no compromise when it comes to sullied air, to impure odors, only annihilation. Rest easy, breathe free. Accept nothing less than an odorless nirvana.

Date Written: June 22, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4

Comments:
06/25/2004 qualcomm: wouldn't it be germocide?
06/25/2004 qualcomm: would've ended it at graf 3. vote 2 cum.
06/25/2004 Litcube (2): i hate nirvana
06/25/2004 qualcomm (4): i would've given this a five, but corrective voting is more dangerous than North Korea
06/25/2004 qualcomm: why did i just use "would" 3 times?
06/25/2004 TheBuyer: nice use of the word 'fug'. In the last graph, who is 'we'? Is this an advert for an unnamed company or be the narrator a queen? A royal one I mean, not the 'drag' kind.
06/25/2004 TheBuyer (4):
06/25/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): I don't know. Something very unresolved here. Nice descriptions.
06/26/2004 Phony Millions (4): A solid four. The very first sentence is prolematic for me, a bit stuffy and awkward. The rest has a nice riffing flow to it, and some juicy words like olfactory and cilia which are pleasant to read aloud.
06/26/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Do you really read these outloud? That's pretty cool.
06/26/2004 Snack Bar (5): you took me there. also, i have the worst sinus infection right now and i'm a part-time hypochondriac.
06/26/2004 TheBuyer:
06/26/2004 scoop: Welcome back Snack Bar.
06/27/2004 Mr. Pony (5): This deserves to be read aloud.
06/27/2004 Jon Matza (4): Nearly too literary for the 'za to get a purchase on in current "mellow", post-vacation mind state, but redeemed when all became clear in final graf.
06/28/2004 John Slocum (4): The inclusion of 'unfertilised egg' and 'semen' to list of fog components in graf 4 killed me. The whole graf did. I'm in love with graf 4. graf graf graf.
06/28/2004 Snack Bar: welcome back accepted, scoop. thanks. i'm around... i just don't chime in unless i truly feel compelled.
06/28/2004 scoop: Snack Bar: Word.
06/29/2004 Great Satan (5): I want to know what they're selling. I want the brand name. I want the tagline. ***** 666