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Have you stopped to consider genocide on the odors that contaminate the purity of your air? Have you considered the level of contaminants per cubic feet clogging the molecules in your living room? Your air is filthy. Do you smell it?
There is a conspiracy of particulates – dander, dust, flecks of filth, smoke, fugs, pesticides, pollen, unspeakable harbingers of odor trapped in soles of your shoes, the creases of your flesh, – perverting your home. There are billions of aromatic grotesques vaporizing in to an invisible mist drawn, like salmon swimming upstream eager to breed, to your epithelium, dissolving in to your nasal mucus, polluting your olfactory bulbs, performing a controlled burn on your cilia.
Have you thought about your children and the quality of their domestic atmosphere? They are exposed with every life affirming breath to an odiferous pestilence, a cabal of malevolent scents. You have jeopardized your family with squalid odors.
Do you smell it? Are you happy? It will only get worse; the stink will eventually take over. Your air will become unacceptably impure, filled with malodorous intnet. It will morph in to a fog equal parts flatulence, gingivitis, unfertilized egg, sweat, partially digested food, and semen -- vandalizing the air with a treacherous bouquet. You must eliminate this affront on your olfactory senses.
We offer a cure – every tincture, every trace, every whiff of corrupted air will be contained, obliterated, erased, exterminated. And when we are done with your home, we will seek out other foul emanations, other aversive smells threatening you and your family and blot them out. There is no compromise when it comes to sullied air, to impure odors, only annihilation. Rest easy, breathe free. Accept nothing less than an odorless nirvana.
Date Written: June 22, 2004
Average Vote: 4