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"It's gettin It's gettin It's gettin kinda hectic", the Bang and Olufson speakers announced, filtering music throughout the Waldorff's lobby. Ned Flanders (I know, I know) walked steadily down the lobby carpet towards the Victoria's Secret after-party. His circulatory system seemed to be in his gullet. His penis was inside-out, hiding in his bowels. But this was what he lived for. This was the grand-daddy of all pussy gettin' opportunities, and he was the grand-daddy of all pussy getters. So to him it was a really really important event.

Despite his penile fear, Ned walked into the bar like a prize-fighter, calm, panther-like; he was a hunter. He was also like an athlete or something graceful and sleek. What I'm trying to say here is that he looked like something you'd really admire and try to be like. He approached a woman standing near the bar. It was here where his years of experience would make him less inexperienced than someone without any experience whatsoever.

This army of statue women had to be infiltrated by unorthodox Special Ops techniques. Beauties like these were used to meeting men through a highly secure checkpoint system. Would-be suitors were granted a chance to compete only after trusty model-comrades allowed clearance to the next stage. So Insecurio had to make the meeting seem at once accidental and pre-ordained. And as this was already a predictable tactic, he had to be particularly unpredictable about it.

Flanders strutted up next to a beautiful brunette and declared “I’d recognize that ass anywhere”, and grabbed the model's ass roughly. She turned around, blank faced.
“Oh! Jesus!" he blurted, "I thought you were someone else! My God I’m sorry! I could have sworn you were somebody else – it really is uncanny. You'll have to let me buy you a drink in order to make up for that. I insist!" And it was here that he either had her or didn't. If she smelled his penile fear, if he hesitated for - not a nanosecond, but whatever the next step up from a nanosecond is, if he had so much as a fearful eyebrow expression, he was done. Let me make this clear: if there was even a hesitant doubtful ingredient in his menu of expressions, he wouldn't be succesful in his objective. Cuz as we know, women are drawn to confidence as a turtle is to sun. He smiled. She smiled. He had her. He had her like some type of owner who really hords things has something. He had her.

A half hour later they were boning in her room, her bisexual Victoria's Secret friend masturbating while she watched. What balls! What CAJONES! It's gettin It's gettin It's gettin kinda hectic, he mouthed.

Date Written: June 23, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4