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The inventor’s latest attempt to build an indestructible woman ended with mixed results. His hair, singed-black, shot out cartoonishly in unkempt shocks. Thick soot caked his face. An acrid smoke billowed in his laboratory. A piece of equipment fell with a clatter. And only irregular sections of his latest design survived the test blast. But that did not deter him from exploring other plans, other possibilities.

Waterproofing was the first success. Followed by rugged tensile hair. But the early heady days of small victories seemed part of a distant past. The present had become cluttered with failures, cross-breeds, and flawed models. There’s no such thing as a “half-success” when it comes to the design and manufacture of an indestructible woman. He was reminded of that every day. He had scrawled that motto on a piece of draft paper when he began this mission and taped it to his bathroom mirror. Nevertheless a series of daunting obstacles still blocked his path to full female invulnerability.

"Truth resides in the body not in the mind," he said solemnly, the wet viscrea of his latest test-subject sliding down the lab walls with a thwok. "I am a man of science. Ergo: The truth is eternal. Yes. This calls for more elbow grease. Ergo."

Organ resiliency posed a problem. So did reinforcing the central nervous system – a coating too thick often prevented electrical signals from traveling the length of the body. He had made great strides toward perfecting his method on the reproductive system. But the project as a whole hung in the balance.

He wiped off his welding helmet with the sleeve of his unitard with and turned back to the drawing board with equal parts determination and hope, convinced he would realize his dream. His mind raced full throttle. He fantasized about progress. He daydreamed new technologies. He imagined unexplored techniques. He was filled with all sorts of ideas.

Date Written: June 30, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4.88889

Comments:
07/5/2004 John Slocum (5): This is somewhere between a 4.21 and a 4.54, rounded up to 5.33 for it being such an enjoyable read, and back down to 4.82 because it's not so much LOL funny (although it is a little) as Fun-Funny, rounded up to a good round 5.
07/5/2004 Will Disney (5): a lovely change of pace
07/5/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (5): The unitard is so touching.
07/5/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: (): The latest and (I believe) greatest in scoop's series of "Elephant in the Room" themed shorts. While the Pederast Cycle focused on the regular, the day-to-day normalcy of even the most "eventful" individuals, this piece takes us in a much different direction, showing us that it is possible to achieve transcendent greatness even while striving for the stupid. It shows us that while our humanity limits our minds, our human spirit is truly without end, and for me, that is easily worth five stars.
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Dammit! Dammit! Sorry, dude, I meant to vote 5! Dammit!
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Nah, I'm just messing with you.
07/6/2004 TheBuyer (5): here, use mine.
07/6/2004 TheBuyer: Zoiks!
07/9/2004 Jon Matza (5): Apologies for late vote here. Writing is Lik-M-Aid and 'unitard' was a gift to acme.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I think more people should come here and give this thing more fives.
08/5/2004 qualcomm (4): why don't the rest of you assholes leave the voting to the professionals?
12/1/2006 Master Bates (5): sliding down...with a thwok