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August 12, 1988
Dear Diary,

Today is my 12th birthday and for a long time I have been feeling not-quite-myself. See I have been getting these weird hairs everywhere and this slimy stringy stuff keeps running out of my vagina, I'm not sure I spelt that correctly, but after all, I am only in the 6th grade.
Anyways, Uncle Charles says that when the red tide comes in, I will be a woman and he will show me what my vagina is for. I'm not really sure what that means, but I have a special relationship with Uncle Charles, so I can't wait.

December 26th, 1988
Dear Diary,

Wow, well I'm sorry itís been awhile since I updated. Hereís the scoop. The red tide came in and it was hell. I stole motherís pills and downed a bottle of tequila just to make myself pass out. After I sobered up and the red tide went away, Uncle Charles came by and showed me a what for. It was nice, but I think we should stick with the ass-fucking.

Date Written: July 01, 2004
Author: Pix
Average Vote: 3

Comments:
07/6/2004 Will Disney (3): a little gross! 3.5
07/6/2004 TheBuyer: During the Red Tide, which occurs in months ending in R, it is unsafe to eat shellfish. This includes mussels, oysters, and yummy clams.
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Thassa inneresting twist. The pills and the tequila and the "what for" took most of the wind out of the punchline. Even some stuff in the first entry makes me think that you couldn't wait to get to the joke part.
07/6/2004 TheBuyer (3): this is nearly the same joke, but you didn't know.
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Although it bears only a superficial structural resemblance to this one.
07/6/2004 TheBuyer: THERE it is.
07/6/2004 Ewan Snow: What about this one?
07/6/2004 Dylan Danko: My handwriting's way prettier.
07/6/2004 Dylan Danko: Pony, did you say " superficial structural resemblance??"
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Sorry, dude, I'm having a Star Trek thing.
07/6/2004 scoop: Where in the byzantine Federation bureaucracy would an artifical life form, say like Harcout Mudd's android wife Stella, be sent? I can't imagine they woudl just "de-commission" it like a machine. But also can't imagine letting theat naggy bithc out in to civillian life. So where does she go?
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: You know, you call Federation Bureaucracy "Byzantine", but it really operates on a couple of very simple principles. Don't mess with pre-warp civilizations. Don't go to Talos IV. And when it comes to arbitrating disputes, Justice often looks a lot like it did in the Old West, or the High Seas of Ancient Earth; or the Lunar Mines of Pre-Unification Andoria V. Often the highest-ranking officer, an Admiral, a Captain, or even the Judge Advocate General of a poorly-staffed starbase is called upon to make decisions that can ripple throughout Federation Law.
Such was the case in Federation Science Authority v. LT. CMDR. Data, Stardate 42523.7. A compelling argument was made before J.A.G Pillipa Louvois that the android Lieutenant Commander Data was, in fact, a created machine, but one that was not necessarily owned by his creator; or, by extension, Starfleet. A true artificial life form, it was determined that Data had the right to control his own destiny.
As for how this ruling would apply to the one of the several robot copies of Harcourt Fenton Mudd's wife Stella, a case-by-case approach would no doubt be applied. As in FSA v. LT. CMDR. Data, the issue of "Stella's" self-awareness and sentience would probably come up, and the ruling would likely hinge upon the robot Stella's ability to make its own decisions, and seek out its own happiness.
07/6/2004 TheBuyer: The ruling on 'Stella's future would be an important decision for the future of advanced photonics like the Mark I Emergency Medical Holograms which were replaced by the Mark II's and then relegated to cleaning detail on surfaces inhospitable to humanoids rather than simply decompliling their programs.
By virtue of the below stated precedents it could be argued that an advanced photonic, such as The Doctor [a Mark I] who surpassed his original programming by running continuously for over six years, should be afforded the same rights and privledges as Data therefore the dismissed Mark I photonics should be re-instated and left to live and learn.
The main, and most obvious difference between the two types of artificial life lies in physicality; the body of a photonic, no matter how advanced the holographic projection, is not "physical." It's holographic matrix functions in the same way or similar to that of an artificial being with a posotronic brain, but it's body, no matter how detailed, will never be more than lights and force fields and has no "guts."
Discounting his relative formlessness, should the Doctor and other advanced photonics be treated any differently than any other unique, artificial intellegence?
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: But TheBuyer, does the mere potential for independence and sentience grant an entity the rights of an independent sentient? I strongly feel that these questions should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis at the outset, as many very sticky questions arise. Would it make sense anymore to build machines with the power to discriminate? It seems that producing them no longer be in our best interests, if all the Mark I's were categorically "set free". And what of the "individuals" that lack the experience to fully understand and benefit from their freedom? Should they be educated? This should be a simple enough matter, given their nature, but what should they be educated with? If we begin to apply hard and past rules prematurely, we may regret the consequences. Is it a mistake to make a graven image of the Human Mind? Photonic or Duranium, it makes no difference. Caution is warranted.
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: It seems an Acme Jerk-Off Dome is in order.
07/6/2004 scoop: Guys, I was kidding but you know, whatever. Hey but that Mudd guys a real card, though, huh? A real cad!
07/6/2004 Ewan Snow: Holy shit.
07/6/2004 Mr. Pony: That's right, Snow! I bet your "Star Trek Nerd" doesn't seem so cool anymore, does he?
07/6/2004 TheBuyer: True it would be like busting the lock off the gates of the orphanage, but...I need some snacks.
ooo Acme Jerk-Off Dome. I need some snacks.
07/6/2004 anonymous: Now what the heck does Star Trek have to do with this short? Well aside from the ass-fucking.
07/7/2004 Mr. Pony: Sorry, dude, I'm having a Star Trek thing.
07/7/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Forget it, Pix, it's StarTrekTown....Or AcmeJerkOffDometown.