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Leonard - Prologue - Evolution
Julia and Alicia are like so best friends, even though Julia is a big fat slut and Alicia is like totally a big a fat slut. They have totally lame jobs in the totally lame mall and they are still like totally Best Friends Forever. Totally BFF right? They work at the Gap? In the mall? I know, like stereotypical and everything but like there is such a total reason for stereotypes. It’s because they’re all true. They went to the food court together to have lunch with each other, which like, is so funny, because they like totally may as well just throw their food in the toilet because it’s not like they eat anything at lunch. Also? They're totally giant man-eating toads and that's like status quo, okay?
Anyway, the food court was so totally packed with like all these losers and when Julia and Alicia ['all-ee-see-ah', thank you not 'ulishuh,' get it right] found a good table their slushy drinks were totally sweaty and this like dork guy was totally staring at them.
"What a moron," Julia said, spearing a squirming child and pulling the arms off with her nails, "I know! Like, figure it out. Like, Hello."
"Ya, Seriously 'capped, like handy," Julia sipped her Foetus-Julius and chewed the unblended chunks while she talked, which is so gross, "Erick though? is such a dick, he belongs like, in a side-show. Did you see him fall down drunk?"
"Wasn’t that bad? Oh my god, that was so bad of him. He's totally bad."
"Whatever,” slurp, “Do you think he’s slimy?"
"I know, so hot. Kay," Julia said, slupping the bottom of her drink, "We're so late. Do you want this, I'm totally stuffed?" More like, totally getting fatter, but whatever.
"No I'm so totally stuffed too," Alicia replied, squeezing her belly out from under the table, "I had like a whole bag of darkie-heads all to myself today, I feel gross." Alicia feels gross, because she totally looks, and is gross, is totally why she feels gross.
They finished their lunch and started back to the store. More like totally wrapped like, both their entire lunches in a napkin and hucked it in the trash can that was so full and gross already, and like they weren’t totally going to secretly eat junk food all day anyway, big fat toad-asses stretching their lowriders to the limit, but whatever.
Unlike Julia and Alicia, Leonard is a regular human being, not a giant toad. You will meet him soon.
Date Written: July 15, 2004
Average Vote: 3.8333