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Smelling of pickled herring, my shucked-off Judaism lay in a sniveling heap in the corner. An oily sheen covered his sloping forehead, and his narrow shoulders shook spasmodically beneath a charcoal vest and white dress shirt.
"M..maybe...eh, you could at least, eh, promise to keep holy every other sabbath?" he said with a shrug, his Fiddler-On-The-Roof cadence echoing off the cell's iron walls.
My steel-toed rebuttal sank into his abdomen, and he spat several gem-quality stones onto the cement floor. I picked them up and put them in the side pocket of my stonewashed, secular jeans.
"It would be a mitzvah if you donated these moneys to your local JCC," he said, rubbing his thumb and fingers together.
I gave the little mockey a half-hearted slap, turned, and pushed open the rusty, armored door.
"Perhaps, eh, we will see each other again come the high holidays?" he said.
Ignoring him, I stepped out into the clean, blinding sunlight of post-ethnicity.
Date Written: July 30, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.6667
08/5/2004 Will Disney: this one is *also* like 'hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world'!
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Okay, now I really have to read that book. This short reminds me of something, too; I just can't put my finger on it.
08/5/2004 anonymous: this is so clearly the work of benny maniacs
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: That sounds like a lie, anon_user_a.
08/5/2004 anonymous: I am Iron Man.
08/5/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: How did you know what anon_user_a was going to say before he/she said it?
08/5/2004 Dylan Danko: Pony I am not anon_a.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Because I think he deserves it, anon_user_b.
08/5/2004 anonymous: Pony, how can you reward the beating of an innocent Jew with 4 stars?
08/5/2004 anonymous: Mr. Pony: Why are you always so rough on OSS, does he reall have it coming that bad? I mean, you really beat his ass in that message board argument BAD!
08/5/2004 TheBuyer: I'm not Jewish, can I pretend this guy is/was something else?
08/5/2004 anonymous: yes.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, comments are being changed. Does Summer have full admin privileges again? Or did he find a way to abuse someone else's admin privileges?
08/5/2004 TheBuyer (3): Cool!
08/5/2004 qualcomm: pony, i just got my anon comment in before you. sorry about that. beating you, i mean. again. you are weak, islander. you will always be weaker than i.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: anon_c's comment about beating your ass used to be attributed to anon_b.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Although now that I look at it, your abuse of your admin powers was worth it, 'cause you really made me look foolish.
08/5/2004 The Finch: Isn't it possible, Mr. Pony, that anon_user_b's comment was posted from a new, non-confirmed account? That would account for the shift in anonymous users you seem to have noticed.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Graaaaah!
08/5/2004 qualcomm: this finch seems to have access to some awfully disney-privy info
08/5/2004 Jon Matza (4): Some of this material has been covered, I know. Sound performance nonetheless.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: It's neat how you assume that Disney would be just as willing as you to abuse his admin powers! Really! It's rad! Congratulations! (Besides, isn't Disney in Boston?)
08/5/2004 qualcomm: pony, that is not at all what i was saying. please review the record. i was merely accusing disney of being the finch. and the finch, whomever he is, is correct: anon_b was created with a non-super guest account, so the comment took a while to go in. when it was finally approved, it supplanted your comment down to anon_c.
that being said, disney is willing to abuse his powers, as i have pointed out on numerous occasions. most notably, he granted danko the right to steal my identity in a certain anon war we two were waging a while back. now, i'm not bitching about disney's betrayal in and of itself (after all, i've abused privileges myself); what i do object to is disney's self-righteous defense of the concept of admin neutrality, and your, the gullible acme public's, buying into his obvious demagoguery. no, but it's cool, i know you're all scared and need a strong leader to nurse you on the sweet pap of these simple lies.
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I assume you're talking about The Finch?
08/5/2004 qualcomm: could you please make your question slightly more specific?
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Ah. Sorry. I was responding to your final line, joking that I'd rather have some anonymous weirdo in charge than you, you dangerously insane retard.
08/5/2004 Jon Matza: That's about the snappiest toned comment I can recall hearing from Mr. Pony. Bravo!
08/5/2004 Mr. Pony: You want some, dammithead?
08/5/2004 Jon Matza: Wha...no, I--wait...I...didn't...WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT, MR. PONY?!?!
08/6/2004 Mr. Pony: nah 'm jus' messin' witcha