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Jake Kohler had had a heck of a day at the office where he performed the bulk of his duties. First, someone new had forgotten to follow procedure. What a pain that had been! Then, Jake's boss had delegated extra duties to him that would result in increased paperwork.

That's why Jake loosened his tie when he walked through the front door; it was a way of loosening tension and making himself at ease in his home. He sat down in his Lay-Z-Boy and pulled the lever to further the relaxation. He put his hands behind his head and breathed deeply. Say, something sure smelled good!

Kevin, Jake's male wife, had dinner piping on the table. Jake came in, sat down, and picked up his napkin. He unfolded it and stuck one point behind the top button of his shirt so that it hung down in a diamond across his chest. That way, if any food spilled off his fork or out of his mouth, it would hit the napkin, and not his clothing. And since napkins were cheaper than shirts, it only made sense to treat them in this expendable fashion.

Jake picked up a fried drumstick and used his teeth to remove a small portion of meat. It sure was good. His male wife was a heck of a cook. But something wasn't quite right here. Something was amiss...

"Baby," Jake began, using one of his pet names for Kevin, "I really appreciate the fried chicken and green beans. I mean, they're both well-prepared. But, not to be rude, is that all? I mean we've got our meat," he said, reasonably motioning to the chicken with his hand, "And the vegetable portion of our meal" moving his hand now to reasonably display the green beans "But what about the starch portion? I mean, there's no potatoes. No bread. Not even corn. Even corn would have been acceptable, honey.

Moral: Even corn would have been acceptable.

Date Written: August 19, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.44444

Comments:
08/25/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): Sayyyy...this seems familiar.
08/25/2004 Ewan Snow: Last line is great, but not sure how to rate this overall.
08/25/2004 scoop (4): I really like how stupid this thing is.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer: This short is straightforward but trying to rate it confuses the hell out of me.
08/25/2004 TheBuyer (4): therefore...
08/25/2004 Mr. Pony (5): The excellent command of "things that are" we see displayed by the author is worth four stars alone. The fact that this is a parable of a sort, teaching us a valuable lesson jacks it up another half star.
08/25/2004 Will Disney (4): no comment!
08/25/2004 Jon Matza (5): A new form of stupidity and awkward language has been unearthed and exploited in this short!
08/25/2004 Jon Matza: Special compliments on "That way, if any food spilled off his fork or out of his mouth, it would hit the napkin, and not his clothing."
08/25/2004 Litcube (5): When I finished reading this I said, "holy fuck."
08/26/2004 John Slocum (5): Say, Jake is an awfully reasonable fella'. Particularly liked: 'And since napkins were cheaper than shirts, it only made sense to treat them in this expendable fashion.' Among many other things.
08/26/2004 John Slocum: Snow: you've had enough time. Time to vote.
08/26/2004 Jon Matza: Slocum: I'm not Snow, and I already did vote.
08/26/2004 qualcomm: Matza: why are you taking that snappy tone with me??
08/26/2004 Mr. Pony: Stay out of this, Summer. This is between me and Maniacs.
08/26/2004 Jac?b Starfish: I'll be the judge of that, Starfish.
08/26/2004 Jon Matza: Looks like I owe you an apology, Matza.
08/27/2004 mr.coffee (4): made me laugh ..deserves 4 stars ...nothing more/nothing less
09/13/2004 scoop: This is a fiver. I blew it.
01/7/2005 Jon Matza: Enjoyed rereading this. Surely this guy would call his domestic partner 'honey' or 'hon' (not 'baby') though? Also it's missing a final end quote. This, I regret.
07/1/2005 scoop: Old scoop can admit when he got his facts mixed up. This thing is a masterpiece. Five all around. Its displays a command of a whole new kind of language. Further the relaxation. Even corn. Extra duties. I'd love to be voyeur into another fascianting look at the life of this Kohler fellow.
07/1/2005 Mr. Pony: Yes, scoop, you really should stop being so hard on qualcomm and his ideas.
07/1/2005 scoop: I don't have a hard-on for qualcomm. I just like him as a friend. I don't know why you're always reading stuff into things.
03/22/2009 scoop: I'd like to see an entire novel written in this intriguing new voice.
03/22/2009 scoop: I'd like to see an entire novel written in this intriguing new voice.