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It was the most embarrassing moment in my life.

He between my legs and I between his. I loved licking up and down his cock with my tongue dripping with lust and hearing him moan uncontrollably. His wet tongue between my legs was absolutely driving me to distraction. I started feeling his cum rise up, along his shaft, his balls tightened. I was mad with lust. Suddenly I felt that familiar salty load slide down my throat as I too came to orgasm. It was the best cum of my life; it literally felt like my body exploded all over the place. I was wet beyond belief. After catching my breath, I looked down at my playmate. He was covered entirely in shit. OMG!!!! I had a sudden bout of diarrhea and I shat all over this guys face.

It didn't take long before word got around; I never got a date again.

Date Written: August 28, 2004
Author: Pix
Average Vote: 3.1429

09/2/2004 qualcomm: the guy went around telling people about this?
09/2/2004 Mr. Pony (4): ha ha
09/2/2004 qualcomm (2):
09/2/2004 Mr. Pony: Oh come on, summer, this is fucking funny!
09/2/2004 qualcomm: ha!
09/2/2004 qualcomm: i'll practice what i preach, at least for today. what i don't like about this short is its confessional, dear diary conceit. it reminds me of those Pathetic Geek comics the Onion used to run, where people just recount something that once happened to them. i want the writer to do some joyceian transubstantiation of reality in the smithy of her soul. also, i don't like the writing itself. some examples:
- "licking up and down his cock with my tongue" -- really, you didn't use your elbow to lick it?
- "OMG!!!" -- you just described someone's face covered in shit. OMG seems a little redundant, not to mention cliche.
i hope this has been constructive. thank you for your contribution and hard work. god bless.
09/2/2004 anonymous: Summer, I can't believe you take yourself and this short so seriously. Its shit, yes its a shit short. Mr. Pony, thanks!
09/2/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, author, he could have just two-starred it and left it at that--now you have some constructive criticism to work with, take it or leave it. The fact that he left these comments shows he takes you seriously!!
09/2/2004 qualcomm: i'm not really "taking the short seriously," i'm just explaining why i think it's no good. the reason i went through this trouble is because i demanded an explanation yesterday for bad votes on my own, much-better-than-this short. as for why i take myself seriously, it's because i'm so fucking talented. know what i mean? probably not.
09/2/2004 Litcube (4): OSS, couldn't the "OMG" & "tongue" be construed as the dialogue of someone who just shared her most embarrassing moment on some public forum? Considering the character of the narrator, I think it's excusable.
09/2/2004 qualcomm: yeah, i thought maybe the OMG could be taken in that light; i'd say it's 50-50. the tongue thing i think was error, though. i think you may be giving this too much credit for being well thought-out. the author him/herself acknowledges that it's a piece of shit, so probably not a lot of time was spent on it. but more important, can you explain what you like about this short? it's not funny, so what is it you're getting out of this? or, if you do think it's funny, can you explain why?
09/2/2004 Mr. Pony: I thought the shitting part was funny and surprising, but I think you're right about the writing--needs some polish, and maybe it needs to make up its mind as to whether it's a letter to Penthouse or a message board post.
09/2/2004 Principal Skinner (2): I agree with the Sauce.
09/2/2004 qualcomm: i think i was expecting urine, so i wasn't that surprised. i don't know how you could be that surprised when the first sentence says it was the most embarrassing moment of her life. and then, even if you were surprised, the presentation is so flat.
09/2/2004 scoop (2): I take neither the short nor the author seriously. This sucks donkey dick.
09/2/2004 Litcube: I found the shitting part surprising, and I immediately pulled out my calculator; punched in the equation for "Is This Funny?". Results inconclusive, I printed the short out on 90 pound index, 200% zoom, and called a meeting in the board room ASAP. After arduous deliberation with graphs, PowerPoint presentations, and keynote speakers, we concluded that this was indeed funny. Once we concurred, the board room burst out in pants shitting laughter.
09/2/2004 anonymous: It was written in about a minute and I haven't looked at it at all since. And it is NOT auto-biographical, just incase you were wondering.
09/2/2004 Mr. Pony: Summer, responding to your extremely annoying charge that my explanation was unsatisfactory: I read this short quickly, and I liked the idea. The idea made me laugh. I realized that the writing wasn't the best, and I continue to find problems with it as I continue to read it. Still, the severe diarrhea (discovered only after the fact!) made me laugh. Your initial comment also made me laugh, further lightening my mood. So four. The writing really does hurt it quite a bit, but I'm okay with sticking with my initial vote (in fact, I have no choice).
09/2/2004 Litcube: Has anyone here been completely unaware (as this chick seems to be) of an impending explosion of diarrhea? I mean *completely* unaware.
09/2/2004 qualcomm: i'm sorry i annoyed you, mr. pony. say no more. i understand what you're saying (you wish you'd given this a three or less in hindsight). it's cool.
09/3/2004 qualcomm: why you got a stat counter at the bottom of this short, pix?
09/3/2004 Pix: Cause I like to spy on you, its fun, I have nothing better to do and actually yesterday I discovered there is a secret canadian out there and I am trying to determine which one of you it is.
09/3/2004 qualcomm: what kind of information does it give you?
09/3/2004 Kevin: Yeah, what can you see?
09/3/2004 The Fonch: This type of counter will show the registered owner how many hits a given page recieves and who has hit it. For example.
03/09/04 - 03:00 GMT - - Chicago, IL [fake]

The Fonch
09/3/2004 Litcube: Those crazy Canadians!
09/3/2004 TheBuyer: Mr. Pony, before I rate Mrs. TheBuyer's short, can I ask you a question?
09/4/2004 Mr. Pony: Um, okay.
09/4/2004 TheBuyer: Um, are you doing a funny computer thing that routes your point of origin through Calgary, Alberta?
She won't stop asking me to ask you. I know, I feel silly. But, ya, are you doing a thing that makes it look like you're in Calgary?
Do you know where Calgary is, or the two main things that make it famous?
09/4/2004 Mr. Pony: Not that I'm aware of. Calgary, huh? Well, I know that's in Canada. Famous for the Calgary Stampede? Also, wasn't Alpha Flight based there for a while?
09/4/2004 TheBuyer: Okay, thanks. Ya, Calgary is home to The Stampede and the 1988 Winter Olympics.
09/4/2004 Mr. Pony: And Alpha Flight.
09/4/2004 Litcube: Those crazy Canadians!
09/4/2004 TheBuyer (4): Right, ya.
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: So did you guys figure out who the Secret Canadian was?
09/6/2004 TheBuyer: No, the secret Canadian remains a secret as he/she wishes for the time being. Also, Pix has promised to only put html snoopers on her own shorts so if anyone is flying to Calgary to post comments, no one will know.
09/8/2004 Dick Vomit (4): All this irritating back and forth aside, I think it's rad when chicks describe what it tastes like when they Chug the D.