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"Holy shit. This is the most terrifying vagina I've ever jammed my chin into. Why the fuck can't I stop?" That's what I was thinking. What I was actually saying was more like, "Mmm. Gfff. Gna gna gna. Ggggg."

Out of all of the box I've gnawed, this one took the shit-cake. For some reason, though, I couldn't make myself stop. It was like driving by a car-accident. I didn't want to be there but my face was drawn to it.

Eventually, my cunniligual deft took hold and Matilda, my benefitor, kicked my away. She quietly moaned, "wow, your tongue should be in the twat-olympics."

I said, "I know. Ever thought of changing your diet?" I wiped the vaginal effluent from my acne-ridden face, gave her my twenty dollars and left. Eating out hookers is my favourite.

Date Written: September 09, 2004
Author: Yahzick
Average Vote: 4.2

09/14/2004 qualcomm (4):
09/14/2004 qualcomm: this is the sort of thing that gets us listed in the "Tasteless" category by WebSENSE.
09/14/2004 scoop's brain (4): The odors of vaginal effluent, the riches of vaginal affluent, the race goes not to the swift...
09/14/2004 scoop: The odors of vaginal effluent, the riches of vaginal affluent, the race goes not to the swift...
09/14/2004 scoop: What do you mean "tasteless" OSS? The author is clear that the taste of this particular twat-taco is "terrifying."
09/14/2004 scoop (5): You know what, in the wake of our latest run in with censorship, I give the author an extra star for celebrating our cunterific ethos.
09/14/2004 TheBuyer (4): Dude, i can smell this one on my eyes. It smells like "Mmm. Gfff. Gna gna gna. Ggggg."
09/14/2004 scoop's vagina: I WISH somoene would have at me like this. I've spent a long summer secreted away in the cold recesses of scoop's pants. Oh how I miss the sun. oh, how I miss scoop. scoop? have you forgotten me? If your going to leave me here to die, at least let me out one...last...time...?
09/14/2004 Litcube (5): Because I've been there.
09/14/2004 TheBuyer: L3- This isn't yours?
09/14/2004 Litcube: Nay!
09/14/2004 Will Disney (4): okay
09/14/2004 TheBuyer: author I owe you a star, I've been laughing at this all day.
09/15/2004 TheBuyer: Holy shit, we were just talking about you!
09/15/2004 Pix (5): Jesus, now why doesn't this surprise me...
09/15/2004 Mr. Pony (4): So this is the fellow who was ordered to fuck Fitzcarralldo's sister by Fitzcarralldo himself! Yahzick, it's a pleasure.
09/15/2004 TheBuyer: Also a long time lurker. I wonder how many more of them are out there.
09/15/2004 Joe Frankenstone (3): Easy.
09/15/2004 Litcube: Dude! What and where the fuck did you come from!?
09/15/2004 The Fonch: Litcube - These are Joe Frankenstone's Guest Author Statistics. His stats include 4 shorts in 7 months as an active Guest Author and an undetermined, though much higher number of comments during the same time period. As a result of those comments and other factors, he had a difference of opinion with more than one of the Authors of Acme, the details of which are better discussed with the affected parties. It is unclear if this particular issue was resolved at the time of his last message board post 4th March 2004 9:00:37 AM which coincided with the approximate start of his silence which was maintained until recently.

The Fonch
09/19/2004 Fitzcarralldo (4): Eeeeeww.