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Lord of the rings bloopers and deleted scenes.

They lay in a grove of trees near the end of the forest. To the west the mountains of Gondor glowed in the failing light. To the right only blackness, the steep walls of Mordor seemed to absorb all light.
Sam woke suddenly and saw his master tossing about in some dark dream.
"Where's he gone to now?" He said aloud. Gollum had crept off again, hunting rabbits or bugs or whatever the sneak would eat.
Thoughts of the Shire overwhelmed him, as they had so often since their stay with Faramir and the men of Gondor.
"I reckon it would be about tea time."
He closed his eyes and could see a table laden with jelly cakes and meats. The sun shone softly through the round windows of bag end and Sam began to cry as his hand made it's way slowly to the growing hardness between his legs.

Date Written: September 10, 2004
Author: Fitzcarralldo
Average Vote: 2.8889

09/17/2004 Joe Frankenstone (4): Well done and well written - but a) first line unneccessary, and b) the theme of sexualizing hobbits has been around for a while, I think. But, I changed my original rating from three to four in appreciation for you not going the Frodo-banging-Samwise route. Actually, it reminded me most of Ignatius Reilly's uncomfortable masturbation scene.
09/17/2004 TheBuyer (4): Of course.
09/17/2004 Litcube (3): Ray of Froth! I cath ray of froth! Eh, Fitz?
09/17/2004 Will Disney (4):
09/17/2004 John Slocum (2): I thought this was pretty obvious. As I read I thought 'Sam's gonna take a dump, or whack-it, dump or whack, dump or whack.' Whacked it.
09/17/2004 qualcomm: also, i don't think it's so out of character for sam to whack it, and isn't that the point here? an out of character hobbitation?
09/17/2004 John Slocum: And also, besides the hilarious twist at the end, this is simply a written presentation of the scene in the movie.
09/17/2004 Dick Vomit: It's way better when Ignatius whacks it to memories of his collie. I think it was a collie, anyway.
09/18/2004 Fitzcarralldo: Ray of Froth? Why wouldn't you use the penis armour that adds +1 to enchantment spells cast through your penis. Penis Penis.
09/18/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): Saving throw! God, I'm drunk.
09/18/2004 qualcomm (1):
09/18/2004 TheBuyer: fitz i learned really early on don't drink and rate shorts.
09/18/2004 scoop (1): Gentlemen, I believe we have in our midst what some controversial scientists refer to as a "doucheford."
09/18/2004 Litcube: You mean This?
09/19/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): Pretty good, but not great. 3.49999999. Change 'cry' to 'weep' and it'd be a solid 4 from me.