home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Aesop’s Modern Fables

“You see, Felton, it’s not irony itself that we should loathe. It’s the employment of irony that troubles me. Cheap irony is very problematic.”

Felton tried to assimilate the prelate’s claims.

“So, the black guy that’s a great athlete and really smart. That’s more like it.”

“Actually, Felton, that’s ironical, I daresay. It’s ironic that you gave me such a cheap version.” He then chuckled to himself.

Felton tried to ignore the caustic tone and returned to his quiche Lorraine.

48 hours after Felton had bludgeoned the prelate, the forensics expert who examined the body and discovered the word “Cul-de-sack” written in red lipstick across the victim’s chest proclaimed the aggressor a Polanski enthusiast, when in fact, Felton had merely inscribed, in a calculated effort, one of the prelate’s favorite foreign terms with absolutely no knowledge of Polanski’s oeuvre.

8 years later, the resident Francophile, Patrice (nee Patrick), who was falsely accused of the murder and subsequently sentenced to life in prison, gained his release by finally being given the opportunity to demonstrate his ability to correctly spell the crucial piece of evidence that resulted in his incarceration.

A newspaper article heralding the justice that was finally exacted read as follows: “Ironically, Local French Sympathizer Freed by Virtue of Own French-Speaking Skills.”

The Moral of the Story:
Everybody’s Too Smart for Their Own Good.

Date Written: September 13, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 4.2857

09/21/2004 Will Disney (4): i was going to give this one a 3 but then i figured, well, it does sort of "cum together" at the end. vive la france!
09/21/2004 TheBuyer (4):
09/21/2004 Joe Frankenstone (3): Eh. +1 for "Aesop's Modern Fables" - a conceit that could actually lead to some good work. But it didn't here.
09/21/2004 anonymous: based on your "vast" 4 short experience Joe, or some subjective truth no one else is privvy to?preposite this.
09/21/2004 Mr. Pony: anon_user_a, are you asking about Joe's assertion that this isn't "good work", or his suggestion that "Aesop's Modern Fables" is a "'conceit' that could 'actually' lead to 'good work'"? Because, you know, it's not clear to me.
09/21/2004 qualcomm: this is ewan snow, or a pseudonym thereof. assholes.
09/21/2004 scoop (5): Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
09/21/2004 qualcomm: look, all's i'm saying is, if this isn't ewan, i'll crush one of my testicles in an old fashioned orange juicer.
09/21/2004 qualcomm: you can all watch
09/21/2004 qualcomm: i call inspiration for this short, with my moral-ended Jake Kohler "piece"
09/21/2004 qualcomm (4):
09/21/2004 qualcomm: so rain on a wedding day is ironical, or ironic, then?
09/21/2004 anonymous: Mr. Pony - I'm trying to see the foundation of Joe's argument that this isn't "good work" without risking future 1 star votes hence my cowering behind the cloak of anon_a aka brat_mask.
09/21/2004 Joe Frankenstone: What I've been doing is going online, reading the shorts, and writing my reaction to them, which I've then chosen to also be reflected in my (albeit optional) "rating."
09/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Summer--I have no doubt you are right, but I'm just letting you know that I have an old cast iron citrus juicer that I would be honored if you would use in case you are wrong.
09/21/2004 TheBuyer: Mr. Pony, could you crush something, I don't know, maybe an acorn or dragons-eye, something 'bally' as a pre-reveal warm-up? Damn this geography, I won't get to watch.
09/21/2004 qualcomm: will you drink the resulting "essence"?
09/21/2004 TheBuyer: I would if I could; I'm a sucker for nut.
09/21/2004 TheBuyer: ...goddamn, could that look any worse.
09/21/2004 Jon Matza (5): Acme needs more snow for brand name lustre. "Nee Patrick" joke here is preety causal (not to be confused w/'casual').
09/21/2004 Jon Matza: preety not to be confused w/'pretty'
09/21/2004 The Finch: Ol' Summer Sausage and Ewan Snow are old friends.
The Finch
09/22/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Just for the record, anon_user_a, I've taken to only voting for anonymous shorts. It not only makes the site better, but also allows for the delicious possibility of juiced gonads.
09/22/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Welcome to Acme, Turgid! Come on out and say hi to the people!
09/22/2004 anonymous: ok Joe Frankenstone.