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Strider: El Bereth be an Elven King

And you can't fuck with the elven king
The king be Chistopher Walken streets
with no case to beat
All punk ass niggas try to compete
but why?

The case be cold and dry

All: (What's up mother fucker is you hobbits high?)

SAM: I ain't high jus' tryin' get by
my pimp's ring fuckin' with his head and that's why
I cook the coneys fuck the police, fuck Ilmadris fuck Isildur
Galadriels a slut I wouldn't want to be her (Uugh)
So fuck y'all and fuck Rosie Cotton
You think I need a slut I a'ready got one
Galadriel's the name and I got game
Know the name feel the heat

Hobbits got hairy motherfuckin' feet

All: (That's right that's right )

Frodo: Well I go by the name of the F R doh
Rosie cotton be a motherfuckin' hoe
I gots bling bling like eviler than knievel

All: (Gollum is a motherfuckin' weasel)

But I gots to go gots to try
Defeat the eye
Free the mind
The time be nigh
Punk ass bitches just can't just stand by
And watch the world die
All: ( Die, Die )

I'm the messiah I'm yo savio
don't give me no motherfuckin' favohs!

My Precious
You don't know what the best is
A fish so juicy sweet can't compete
Smeagol's nice to hobbits master
Got skin like alabster
I bring rabbits
All I get's shit tell you 'bout the fat one
Lucky he don't carry a gun
All: (Gollum! Gollum!)
Short gangster with glowing eyes
And it's Bagginses I despise
To get my bling
magic rings
All: (Losing my mind that's what I thinks)


All except Strider: (Gollum Gollum)

Strider: And you know you be coming back for this one
(Gollum Gollum)
Elrond all stars
(Gollum Gollum)
The Shire
(Gollum Gollum)
My Numenor Niggas

Faramir's a queer
(Gollum Gollum)


Date Written: September 18, 2004
Author: Fitzcarralldo
Average Vote: 1.75

09/27/2004 Joe Frankenstone (2): Of course. Saved from utter awfulness by the "But I gots to go gots to try" bit -- but really, nothing to see here.
09/27/2004 TheBuyer: The Towers Are The Playas
09/27/2004 qualcomm: i agree with frankenstone that, barring the thing he linked to, this would have been the first time someone used gangsta rap as a comedic vehicle.
09/27/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs: ehhhhhhhhhhh
09/27/2004 TheBuyer: guuuuuuuuuuuh
09/27/2004 John Slocum (3): I thought this was pretty funny. Not that funny, but pretty funny.
09/27/2004 qualcomm (1): hey, slocum: you're a fucking idiot.
09/27/2004 John Slocum: hey, 'Ol Summer: you're a fucking idiot. And your fat and soft.
09/27/2004 John Slocum: 'You're'
09/27/2004 Litcube (3): The rap work's "feel" is especially authentic. Wu Tang to Beasties depending on the verse.
09/27/2004 qualcomm: i'm just as god made me, sir.
09/27/2004 Acme Shorts: I condemn this short.
09/27/2004 TheBuyer: condemned? man, that's going to put some serious limits on your forever.
09/27/2004 Jon Matza: It's not every day you see the site itself rise up to condemn a particular short.
09/27/2004 TheBuyer (1): Fitz. You know something. In however many years. This is the first time you've really offended me. It's about time.
09/27/2004 scoop (1): Bring that fucking duck back for christ's sake.
09/27/2004 Litcube: Are some of you refering to the use of the 'N' word here when you say "condemned" and "offended"?
09/27/2004 Acme Shorts: No.
09/27/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (1): I don't get it, how is the site posting replies? It confuses and frightens me. Oh well, here's my vote.
09/28/2004 Mr. Pony (2): I think all these ones are mean-spirited and unfair!!
09/28/2004 qualcomm: are you at all serious, pony?
09/28/2004 TheBuyer: In Fitz's defence, when he does this kind of thing live in your living room it's pretty funny. Maybe if the robot read it; not all of it. Maybe not.
09/28/2004 Litcube: When Fitz does this sort of thing in one's living room, he gets kicked out.
09/28/2004 TheBuyer: how is that not funny?
09/28/2004 Litcube: Oh, it is! It is funny!