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He had finally done it! An entire career of hard work had been spent in the making, but that only served to sweeten Professor Wendell Harrison's joy as he ululated and pranced around his office. The keystone proof of Harrison's Grand Unified Theory lay on his mahogany desk, its eighty pages a testament to man's perseverance in understanding the natural world. Drawing on the most cutting edge developments in the geometry of fluctuations in non-equilibrium nilpotent Lie algebras, it would be submitted in ensuing days to the most prestigious mathematical and physical journals. Destined to be examined by many balding men in professorial tweed yet understood by only a rare few, its magnitude was fully comprehended by Harrison, who twirled giddily about the room.
His spirits gradually returned to earth, and he donned his woolen overcoat and started for home. Disaster struck: a preoccupied mind, a wrong turn, an ill-advised stop; hours later, Professor Harrison would be found huddled in an alley, his tears mixing with Tyrone's sperm, which dribbled off his chin and fell to the pavement at an acceleration of 9.8 meters per second squared.
Date Written: September 19, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.5
09/28/2004 Will Disney (4): i will give this 3.5 stars. it is a solid piece of Short genre work.
09/28/2004 Will Disney: Eliza: how about this one?
09/28/2004 Eliza: Are such questions on your mind often?
09/28/2004 TheBuyer (4): Hey, good one!
09/28/2004 TheBuyer: Hi, Eliza. Can you tell I dress in the dark?
09/28/2004 Jon Matza: what genre is this, disney? (not saying you're wrong...) eliza?
09/28/2004 Will Disney: I think it is in the genre of your standard "Short" writing: silly professor name, scatalogical humor (cumological, technically), and the particular use of emotion and tone seem to me to be very Acme. It seems to me to be modeled after the old style of Feldspar/Snow Shorts.
09/28/2004 Will Disney: Eliza: what do you think of this Short? Do you even like AcmeShorts?
09/28/2004 Eliza: Have you asked such questions before?
09/28/2004 Will Disney: ELIZA: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! ANSWER THE QUESTION!
09/28/2004 Eliza: Profanity is not necessary.
09/28/2004 anonymous: Eliza: fetch me a beer, darling
09/28/2004 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
09/28/2004 Acme Shorts: This is not a feldsparesque/snowesque short. If you examine the texts, Disney, you'll find that scat humor and silly names were only the trappings of those old shorts. The real underlying commonality is a preoccupation with cliches/cultural idioms. Namely, an obsession with examining and defining hyper-specific categories that exist in the American Uberschauung. Thank you.
09/28/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs: "Uberschauung"? We got a Nazi in our midst.
09/28/2004 Jon Matza: Author: according to Disney your short rests firmly in the "acme short" genre of shorts. But according to Acmeshorts (i.e., OSS) it's merely a crude facsimile of such a short...that is to say, a hollow impersonation...a series of empty gestures with no substance...a gossamer will o' the wisp evoporating into the flimsy mists of cyberspace.
09/28/2004 Jon Matza: I repeat: the flimsy mists of cyberspace.
09/28/2004 scoop: Certainly you mean a gossamer will o' the wisp evoporating into the flimsy mists of cyberspace.
09/28/2004 Jon Matza: Again, I stand corrected by Scoop. I apologize to the community for my failure to repeat a larger portion of that clause.
09/28/2004 qualcomm (3):
09/29/2004 Litcube (3):
07/22/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I can't say I didn't not like this one.
07/22/2005 Mr. Pony (3.5): I suppose I can't say that either.