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Victor stands before them, accused.
"Gentlemen, you can't unsuck a dick," pauses and sips a glass of water, he doesn't sit down, "Can't unshit your pants either, can you? Gene, can you unshit your pants? Huh? No? How about David? Didn't think so...didn't think that Dave could unshit his pants any better than the rest of us.
Back to cocksuckers - Now, we all want a blowjob. Blowjob Dennis? Huh? Blowjob? Yes? Huh? Yes! Dave, blowjob? Of course, Dennis and Dave want a blowjob right now don't they? Don't they? Everyone wants a blowjob, but no one likes a cocksucker; nobody likes a lousy cocksucker. There you have it gentleman - I stand before you accused, but who among you isn't a pants shitting, cocksucker?
Gentlemen, your dicks, grab em. Grab your cocks, gentlemen, get a good grip. Go on, grab your own dick. Shake hands with shorty, everyone. Got your cocks? Everyone has a cock? Roger, cock? See, nothin like cock, Roger, not a thing in the world like it!
Gentlemen, brothers, cocksuckers, pants-shitters, thump my desk. Thump it, cocksuckers! Thump it pants-shitters! Thump my desk as a brother as I stand before you as a brother. And cocksucker. Thump for us all"
A pause for effect. Then the thumping. The glorious thumping as each and every member of the board pounded the smooth, polished underside of the oaken slab from underneath; cock suckers and pants shitters and brothers to a man.
Date Written: September 28, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 4.6
10/5/2004 qualcomm (4): woulda fived this but for the last graf
10/5/2004 Chance the Gardener (5): MAN you guys are FILTHY! Funny!
10/5/2004 anonymous: too bad. can't unfuckup a paragraph.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I think it would have been stronger if you'd left it out entirely. Still a 4.5, though.
10/5/2004 Will Disney (4): i agree that this would be a 5 w/o the last paragraph.
10/5/2004 John Slocum (5): I will reward with 5 and punish with comment - bad last paragraph.
10/5/2004 Litcube (5): Sweden.
10/5/2004 Great Satan: Oaken slab Ripoff. 666
10/5/2004 Pix (5): I liked the last graph.. 5.5!
10/5/2004 anonymous: sorry, not this time.
10/5/2004 Great Satan: Yeah, well. All those bitches on "Google" (whatever the fuck that is) are biting off my A material, so you need to Chug the D. 666
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko (4): I sing the [censored] electric
10/5/2004 Dylan Danko: DISNEY!?!?!!???
10/5/2004 TheBuyer: tried to say tayble, didn't ya?
10/5/2004 qualcomm: yes the tayble electric. danko, because i am so great, disney had to censor the word b.o.d.y., because it's an h.t.m.l. tag. hey disney, here's an idea: censor the word censor, so we're not allowed to discuss the issue of censorship on acme.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I sing the "ta-ble" electric? "Bo-dy", maybe? Say, can't those greater than/less than things be included in the censored string? Isn't there some sort of stand-in for them so's you can include them in code without them becoming code?
10/5/2004 qualcomm: you're sure singing a different tune than you were last month, pony.
10/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Oh, man, I wish you knew what you were talking about when you opened your mouth! I think you'd actually be interesting!
10/5/2004 Jon Matza (4): Author: disregard the idiotic commentary below. Contrary to popular opinion this was a five star effort right up until the last paragraph, which you'd perhaps have been better off omitting.
10/5/2004 anonymous: point taken Matza, Pony, OSS, it will be removed tonight for the betterment of the site. actually screw it, I'll do it right now.
10/5/2004 TheBuyer: done. also, point taken by everyone else that made the same point as well. [censored]!
02/3/2005 Cyrus (5): WOW This table body html is alright.
07/9/2014 Marvin_Bernstein: That's not very quantumn of you buyer. Of course I can use my time machine and unfuck these silly comments, and your shitty shorts.