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It was an overcast Monday fall morning when I realized my wife was in league with the mites…
She had laughed dismissively early on at my suspicions that I was being consumed by the mites that resided in the infinitesimal nooks and crannies of our family bed. They feasted on my skin, concentrating their ravenous efforts on portions of my left thigh, a section of my rib cage and the hollows behind the knees. I awoke night after night sweating, clawing at my body. I found that untrimmed fingernails were a valuable weapon in my war against my parasitic enemies. But it was only a temporary measure.
I thought my wife’s early consternation reasonable. We are, after all, sensible citizens of the 21st Century. But lately, I’ve realized how naïve I have been. I found my wife’s determined reluctance to join in my struggle odd. When she caught me one night during a reconnaissance mission, mummied in Saran Wrap and clutching a magnifying glass, she berated me. When I demanded her to swear an allegiance to me and condemn the mites as her sworn enemy she refused. She insisted the mites were in my mind. Ha! How, I asked myself, do you explain the wounds?
She forced my efforts underground. The mites redoubled their activity. The itching became intolerable. I surreptitiously listened through the closed bedroom door and heard her whispering, whispering to the mites. Plotting with them. When I confronted her, she acted surprised. Yes, surprised. When I insisted she wear my pajamas to bed and I her nighty to prove to me that she was innocent she began to cry. She told me she was going to “leave.” She said she couldn’t take it “anymore.” She left the next morning. Evidence, I thought, of a conspiracy.
I haven’t seen my wife in many years. Nor have I seen the mites. However, unfortunately, they continue to feed. I have never forgiven her betrayal, and to this day am unsure of her motives. But whenever I see the leaves turn, feel a nip in the air, inhale the hearthy fragrance of Autumn, my thoughts turn to that overcast Monday fall morning when I realized my wife was in league with the mites…
Date Written: October 20, 2004
Average Vote: 4.5