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Dr. Henry’s theory was proven correct, and the rest of them were put to shame. The theory went a little like this: everything in our body is the mirror image of the other half; not bilaterally, but bihorizontally. The belly button is the cut-off, or mirror. So for example, the biceps are mirrored by the hamstrings, the calves are mirrored by the forearms and the shoulders are mirrored by the buttocks. These muscles all evolved from the same primitive appendages, as back then, we had four legs instead of two arms and two legs. But what’s between the buttocks?, one might ask. This is where Dr. Henry’s theory hit obstacle number one:
"I’ll tell you what’s between them - the private parts", Dr. Henry said from behind the podium at the National Symposium for Scientific Theories. "But between the shoulders we have the brain, the face, all of what we use to symbolize ourselves as human. How could this be, unless one evolved from the other?"
Henry’s theory was of course justified last March, when he discovered a genetic throw-back in Argentina, whose body reversed the mirror polarities between head and privates, something like the genetics substructures found in our salamander-like ancient ancestors. The interesting thing is that the Argentine, who we’ll call Pablo, had a sack-like face between the shoulders, but underneath the layer of skin, were cock, balls and ass. They were in perfect working order, but they were incased in a mask of face-like flesh - quite similar to Michelangelo's “skinned”, self portrait in The Last Judgement. Between Pablo’s legs was a miniaturized skull, which had thoughts (kind of), vision (kind of), and was wrapped in scrotum material.
Date Written: November 06, 2004Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4.2857
11/16/2004 scoop (5): Pablo Man.
11/16/2004 qualcomm: why might one ask what's between the buttocks in a bihorizontal system? aren't the buttocks divided bilaterally? i mean, i've often asked what's between the buttocks, but this brings us to another point of contention: wouldn't that be obstacle "number two"?
11/16/2004 Ewan Snow (4): QC, don't be such a turdsicle. 4.25.
11/16/2004 Will Disney (4):
11/16/2004 qualcomm: oh, who are you, bishop bob sheehan, friend of the working man fuck you you have the memory of a fly i never liked you i'm going to wisconsin
11/16/2004 qualcomm: seriously, though, i don't understand the logical thread of the end of graf 1 and all of graf 2.
11/16/2004 scoop: seriously, though, have a nice trip.
11/16/2004 Ewan Snow: It's simply: feet = hands, ass = shoulders, hamstrings = biceps, so... does head & face = cock & balls? The question is not so much "what is between the buttocks?" as "So is what is between the buttocks the same as what is between the shoulders?" Incidentally, the theory is not true, scientifically speaking. Even many of the earliest multicell organisms were differentiated between top/front and bottom/back, and the functional difference between mouth and ass is the primary reason.
11/16/2004 qualcomm: ok. i got confused by the idea of the brain and face being "between the shoulders". i really didn't know what the fuck you meant, since, you know, they're above the shoulders.
11/16/2004 Ewan Snow: I didn't write this. Slocum? Also, cock and balls are *below* the buttocks, more or less...
11/16/2004 qualcomm: yeah, that also confused me. i didn't mean to imply you wrote this. clearly slocum.
11/16/2004 The Rid (5): I'm not surprised by the cock & balls/face bit. Really.
11/16/2004 John Slocum (4): not slocum. methinks maniacs.
11/16/2004 qualcomm: the name dr. henry would indicate disney, assuming slo-core's not lying.
11/16/2004 John Slocum: would I lie?
11/16/2004 qualcomm: wouldn't you?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer (4): Pablo the Argentine sac face. maniacs.
11/16/2004 Dick Vomit: Hypothesis: author thought of word bihorizontally and penned short around it as justification for its use. Notthing wrong with that--just hypothesizizing.
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Yipes. I like the bland tone. "National Symposium for Scientific Theories"
11/17/2004 John Slocum: I was right, I was right, I was right, I was right.
11/17/2004 scoop: But at what price?
11/17/2004 Jon Matza: Loss of sense of self.