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The Meatpacking District is now known as ďMepaĒ. Please adjust your lexicon accordingly. How come they call it ďtaking a shitĒ? Think about it, youíre actually leaving a shit. Listen, Iíll gladly take a 5% commission if youíre willing to accept 5% service, but I think we both know that neither one of us really wants that. If you donít have big breasts, put ribbons on your pigtails. Thatís realtor-speak for: if you donít shave your asshole, and then you powder your privates after the shower, you might get saddled with some talc-based dingleberry formations that are harder to get rid of than an over-priced sixth floor walk-up burdened with high maintenance on Staten Island. A friend of a friend once told the latter, ďSimon, you drink a good strong cup of coffee after a meal, and smoke a cigarette, and youíll shit like a king!Ē, which is really not all that different than the advice I got from my grandfather, ďA cunt isnít worth the salt!Ē. All the business is happening online these days. Did you know that our website gets over 30,000 hits a day? Thatís a lot more bang for your buck than the New York Times classified, Iíll tell you that much! You want to live where?! Thatís not exactly gracious living, is it now, Mrs. Rosenthal? Burt, Barbara, congratulations, weíve got a signed contract!

Date Written: November 08, 2004
Author: Mr. Joshua
Average Vote: 4.69231

Comments:
11/15/2004 Turgid (4): For the ribbons advice.
11/15/2004 The Rid: Stumped.
11/15/2004 qualcomm (5):
11/15/2004 The Rid (4): Talc-based dingleberry formations.
11/15/2004 Litcube (5): Ribbons. Ahaha.
11/15/2004 Ewan Snow (5): Stream of consciousness asswipe. First rate. "Iíll gladly take a 5% commission if youíre willing to accept 5% service."
11/15/2004 anonymous: On a day when Acme will likely record its 1,000,000th visitor, I'm very proud and gratified to have authored Acme's 1500th short.
11/15/2004 TheBuyer (4):
11/15/2004 Jon Matza (4): This has an attention deficit disorder quality to it that I, Matza, find pleasantly stimu.
11/15/2004 TheBuyer: meet me in Fupa later
11/15/2004 anonymous: ZaDog: My last two shorts have affected you in an almost identical manner. I fear that I copy-ass my self.
11/15/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Goodness.
11/16/2004 scoop (5): Ricky Roma fever dream.
11/16/2004 John Slocum (5): Mr. Joshua is freaking a flow here.
01/28/2005 Cyrus (5): That's right salty cunts are worthless.
08/18/2010 Marvin_Bernstein (5): I concur!
08/18/2010 Marvin_Bernstein: as far as turds< I think sometimes they are taken as in stolen by others if that's yur thang
08/24/2010 Mr. Pony: Six years later, I had a nearly identical reaction to reading this again. I said it out loud, before I read my comment. "My goodness."
12/18/2011 Master Bates (5): Yassa! Yup.