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John Kerry sat on the armrest of the couch, anxiously awaiting the result of Florida's tally. He was feeling confident, and why not? The exit polls had him in a landslide.
And Florida goes to………Bush! He turned his head and stared directly into Teresa's eyes. He instantly vomited. It smelled like the salmon he had on the plane, he thought. He knew what would happen. State by state, Bush would dominate. And it did. Ohio’s numbers just arrived, Bush had won.
Kerry doubled over and gut wrenching pains shot through him. His teeth elongated and turned sharp, like needles. His face slowly became covered with purple boils, and his skin tore as his skull grew. He stood up and slowly lifted his arms to reveal 2 giant vein riddled wings. His eyes opened to show red cat-slit pupils. He roared into the sky as he tensed every muscle in his body. He screamed louder and spit flame all around him. As the people were fleeing, he was able to grab one staff aid. He cinched his vice-like grip around her throat and with the other hand, tore her head clean off. The blood spewed into the air like a fountain. He quickly grabbed her headless body and, holding the spraying neck up to his lips, drank from it like a hot blood soda. “AAAARRRGHH!!!.”, Kerry cried. “Spiritus Iuguolo caedo dico sanctum. The dark overlord will rise and tear the flesh from all who walk the earth.” The creature had emerged.
Date Written: November 09, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.2857
11/16/2004 Will Disney (3): oh well
11/16/2004 The Rid: Easy.
11/16/2004 John Slocum (4): nothing easy about ripping someone's head off and drinking their blood.
11/16/2004 The Rid: Easy making goofy political commentary, no?
11/16/2004 John Slocum: Is there political commentary here? What are the political comments?
11/16/2004 The Rid: That Bush's re-election has loosed the fires of Hell on planet Earth? I dunno; I'm just a caveman.
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Slocum's right. The political commentary here is more complex (or confusing (or confused)) than meets the eye.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: One thing about this that made me read it all funny the first time through was the salmon on the plane thing. I thought they were still on the plane at first but now I'm just confused why anyone would order the fish on an airplane, don't these people go to the movies?
11/16/2004 The Rid: Not voting yet. Determining whether this is a gag on the rest of us.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: The Rid, what do you think is going on? Seriously, I'm not trying to ambush you.
11/16/2004 The Rid: Buyer, one of two things. 1) The author is a Democrat who thinks the Earth is coming to an end in the form of John Kerry's apocolyptic revenge, or 2) A Republican who is trying to take a comic view on what Democrats do when they lose. Either way, it's not very funny or interesting.
11/16/2004 The Rid: Or John Kerry is just who the author chose to turn into a demon.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer (4): I'll take door number three.
11/16/2004 The Rid: I'm trying to appreciate it.
11/16/2004 Litcube: TREE or Fitz.
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, I'm sort of with the Rid on this. It's a neat thing that happens, but given the context, one of them (either the thing or the context) feels tacked on.
Buyer, stop trying to ambush the Rid.
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Therefore.
11/16/2004 The Rid (2): Ultimately.
11/16/2004 The Rid: Pony, thanks.
11/16/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): Why do demons always speak in Latin?
11/16/2004 TREE (4): Everything was going good until John Kerry started speking latin like every other demon. If this is what happens to Kerry when he loses I wonder what happens to Bush when he wins? Oh yeah we already saw that.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: Mr. Cube - It's CornHole22 or I'll yakuza my left pinkie.
11/16/2004 Litcube: Bet? 100 Credits?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: yup.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: ...100, i just bet you a thousand by mistake. oh well, guess you'll be forfieting shortly.
11/16/2004 Litcube: Ok. I took the bet. But because we'll have to wait until January for an updated BOYF, I'll win if it's anyone other than CornHole22.
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: no worries.
11/16/2004 Litcube: What makes you so confident on this one? What about this, exactly, screams CornHole22 to you?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: verb tenses in the first and second graphs, the velocity of the action of the narrative compared to the "soda" reference when compared/contrasted to the use of the numeral 2 in the last bit and also the strange punctuation combo [!!! + . = !!!.] just before th latin. you know, the usual.
11/16/2004 Litcube: Can you provide a link to a short of CornHole22's?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: besides this one? no, not yet.
11/16/2004 Litcube: Then.. Don't you think it's weird that you're assuming this is CornHole22? Because there's nothing else to base it on, so maybe it’s a little weird. I don't know. I find it a little weird that there's nothing to base your conclusions on. Don't you find it a little weird that there's absolutely no evidence to back you up yet if you have insider information, quite obviously, all bets are off?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: I went the other way around and compared everything every active guest author has written and eliminated them. It took a really long time, but I think it was worth the trouble.
11/17/2004 Litcube: You think you're so smart.