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You know what's depressing? Well, it's pretty easy to imagine the hypothetical troubles of someone richer, more famous, or just plain more successful than you are in order to make yourself feel better. I used to get all down back in high school whenever I'd see Brock, the cheerleading captain, with all the middle-of-the-road, not-too-pretty girls I imagined hooking up with. But then I thought about the troubles Brock would have when deciding who amongst this bevy he'd take to prom. It was probably pretty stressful for him, and ultimately, unrewarding. That would make me feel a little better about my station in life.

But now, as I sit here watching "The Beach" on television, I'm starting to grow angry, and I'd like to amend my theory. You see, as I really start to think about this, I realize that when I was in college, for instance, I'd get all worked up about a particular class I didn't like, or a bad grade I might get on a poorly written paper, without stopping to think, for even one moment, how fortunate I was just to be in college in the first place. I could've been denied admission, living a much less satisfying and privileged life. And yet, I was taking things for granted.

And so, with this in mind, as I watch the overrated and undernourished Leo DiCaprio on my TV screen, I can no longer take solace in the fact that he is no more happy than I, no more satisifed than I, etc. Because despite the fact that he may be constipated from time to time, or may wake up on the 'wrong side of the bed,' his primary trouble in life may be that Giselle won't take it in the butt. Now, she may take it every other which way you can think of. But that might not be good enough for Mr. DiCaprio, see? See what I'm getting at?

Date Written: November 09, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.6667

11/16/2004 The Rid: I'm not sure what you're getting at, but it's funny. Isn't Leo gay?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer (3): middle ground
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony: I would argue that the two realizations are actually the same realization, and the narrator just forgot what the first one really meant.
11/16/2004 Will Disney: That's an interesting theory, pony.
11/16/2004 TREE: I have previously been abused for low ratings so I will skip this one
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: Very diplomatic and quasi-Matza-esque of you.
11/16/2004 TREE: I always attempt to be diplomatic but unsure if is good to be Matza-esque or not
11/16/2004 Litcube (4): Of the two guest shorts today, laughed at this. I did not laugh at the other one. See what I'm getting at?
11/16/2004 TheBuyer: This is the part of the comment used as filler to avoid damaging the brittle acmeshorts User Feedback screen display, thank you for your patience.
11/16/2004 TREE: wow...
11/16/2004 Will Disney: wait so if there's a link in a comment it messes up the user feedback page, huh?
11/16/2004 Litcube: Yeah, dude.
11/16/2004 Will Disney: Should be fixed. If not, let me know.
11/16/2004 Litcube: Testo
11/16/2004 Litcube: It works.
11/16/2004 Will Disney: yay!
11/17/2004 The Rid (4): Still laughing at that last graf.