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Jim popped the tape in the VCR and hit play. Awesome! Now he could watch classic Christy Canyon from start to finish.

The image jumped on screen. And there Christy was with Ron Jeremy gyrating between her bulbous tits, and BOOM! He shoots! He scores!

"God damn it!" yelled Jim. "Why don't people fucking REWIND!" Fuck! Now he knew how it ended.

Sigh. Gonna have to upgrade to DVD. He grabbed the tape from the VCR and left the apartment. He'd stop at Circuit City on the way to the video store and get a DVD player.

Jim crossed Broadway at 101st street. A cab driver - driven by some guy who was used to driving in St. Maarten, where there are no traffic lights - ran the red and knocked Jim into next week.

As he lay there dying, Jim saw his life flash before his eyes. All those DVD sales he skipped whipped by in a blur. Why hadn't he switched from VHS last year?

Date Written: November 13, 2004
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 2.3333

11/22/2004 Will Disney: You know, Author, you have a lot of potential in this Short. I mean that. It wasn't quite realized. It's a 3.5 Last para particularly could be tweaked.
11/22/2004 anonymous: There had been one additional line at the end which I cut because I thought it too, I dunno, pat. It was "Damn his frugality!" but it didn't seem to work. Any suggestions, Disney?
11/22/2004 TheBuyer: Should have been just the first three paragraphs and ended at 'Gonna have to upgrade to DVD', the rest of it is white noise.
11/22/2004 anonymous: Yeah, this thing is a little underwritten. Two ideas in one short, and I don't think the second idea really comes out. But aren't we supposed to limit ourselves on time here? Help a brother out, elders. Still kinda funny, tho, right?
11/22/2004 Will Disney: Well, for one thing, I think you could've written a funny Short just by *starting* with the fifth paragraph and then explicating a little in the 6th. I think you also could've made the first joke standalone by cutting off the short after the fourth para and putting in a punch line there.
11/22/2004 Litcube: I think you could have been funny if you ate your poo. That's always funny, eating your poo. Like the Pope's penis, this short was a little on the long side for absolutely no purpose whatsoever.
11/22/2004 anonymous: Your comments are noted and appreciated. I think that there are actually two shorts in here, but one big short doesn't quite work and is thus underwritten. And yes, eating poo is funny, Litcube. I agree.
11/22/2004 TheBuyer (2): for various reasons, all of which are fire-retardant.
11/22/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Been watching the debate with great interest. I must agree that there was a pretty key premise here that withered and died due to lack of soil and proper watering.
11/22/2004 qualcomm: should have planted it in hawaii, where the volcanic soil is extremely rich
11/22/2004 qualcomm: at some point in the near future, i will give you a far more accurate, more incisive reason why this did not, and in fact, could not really work.
11/22/2004 Mr. Pony: or in connecticut, where the nitrogen content of the soil is high due to turn-of-the-century manufacturing
11/22/2004 qualcomm: reason #1 -- last two sentences of graf 1 unnecessary, unfunny.
11/22/2004 Benny Maniacs (2): Burp. Excuse me. The um story could have been fantastic, but landed on its front teeth, and this is why I must give it such poor marks.