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Dear Mr. Havemeyer:

As you are well aware, we here at the Pax Network are very excited to "branch out," so to speak, and begin airing programming a little more adventurous in content. Bear in mind, however, that the wholesome, family values image we strive to maintain, coupled with the ever-tightening grip of the FCC put us in a rather precarious position when it comes to airing your company's "Justice of the Streets: Peacekeepers" on our station. That being said, I submit an example of the edited transcript, for your perusal, that we will be forced to broadcast. Also bear in mind that we employ a man whose voice sounds exactly like Treat Williams'. I trust it will all work out just fine:


I don't give two [bits] what you think! You can't just [coerce] a guy with a [white folded towel] around his head because you don't like his religious [flavor-of-the-month tendencies].


Maybe. Maybe! But I'm not the one getting [freaked] up on the job. I didn't [drop sea pickles] in my pants or lay [groundwork] while hovering above a glass table while some [underpaid wayward schoolmistress] looked on. I oughta [fry] you up right here, [moneycruncher]!

The original shot is a closeup of Clubfoot caressing his gun. We subbed it with a shot of a new actor's hand and arm, in the same clothing (don't worry), clutching a cross. Seamless.


All right. All right. I just need to cool out. It's just, well, I just haven't [read a good book for at least a month].


Hey. I know where you're coming from. (Laughter.)

We sub that shot of the cross again here. It works.

We look forward to working with you in the future.

Mr. Alden Pax, CEO

Date Written: November 30, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 4

12/8/2004 The Rid: Well, I laughed out loud.
12/8/2004 The Rid (5): For not being "Alias."
12/8/2004 Litcube: I didn't.
12/8/2004 The Rid: Well, I'll put it like this: Nine times out of ten, I rate shorts on their own merits. This one got an extra star simply because "Alias" was such crap. Like, mega-crap. Fucking awful dogshit crap. Total blood filled stool crap. Ya know? My apologies to the author of this short for bringing my opinions of another into the fold.
12/8/2004 TheBuyer (4): fairly good explaination for why Marty McFly says, "Holy [heck], Doc!" when he sees the Delorian for the first time in the television edit.
12/8/2004 TREE (3): snicker but no ha ha
12/8/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Solid work. 3.5.
12/9/2004 Mr. Pony (4): This was kinda easy, but I bump my initial three up to a four to help fund your research in this direction.