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I was at the symphony the other night, eyeing all the icy bitches across the way. Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Well let me explain, then.

See, there's nothing special about dropping 80 plus to grab one of the best seats in the house. Orchestra only. Maybe a balcony once every now and then - but that's only for Pavarotti 'cuz his breath stinks to high heaven. It's like he took a swig from a tuba. But never the loge, you cheap bastards.

As I was saying, in the good seats, you're probably sitting amongst some trophy trim. But we've got a special variety here in the auditorium, ladies and gentlemen. I'm talking turtleneck sweater, straighter-than-dick hair, the works.

I'm writing this in the margins of my program. I'd say Mahler looks better with a handlebar moustache. Yeah, I'm looking at you, honey. Bet she likes Berlioz. That incompetent didn't even get a career together till he was in his mid-twenties. No child prodigy, Berlioz.

I'd like to stab her with a tuning fork.

Date Written: December 02, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.2857

12/13/2004 The Rid: For some reason, I like this.
12/13/2004 anonymous: Not a bad first-thing-in-the-office-Monday-morning read. Its a snippet from life we all can relate to. The potential for four stars is lost with the Pavarotti silliness. And when I say, "You don't know what I'm talking about? Well then let me explain." Its generally followed with some heavy-duty ass kicking!
12/13/2004 Mr. Pony: Come on, Rid; can't you be bothered to explore your own mind just a little and tell us what the reason is?
12/13/2004 Will Disney: What would any of these women have looked like naked?
12/13/2004 mr.coffee (3): This is exactly why I dont go to musical shit. You spend the whole time either sleeping or ripping on the peops. However I liked this...a little.
12/13/2004 The Rid: Sure, Pony! Thanks for asking. I can identify with thinking that you know what everyone else is thinking and passing judgment and having fucked up thoughts/reactions as a result. When in reality it's all playing out in your head, none of the things you're thinking are correct, yet you're driving yourself crazy. And I gotta say, wanting to stab someone with a tuning fork is a new one for me. Happy now, goddamnit?
12/13/2004 Mr. Pony: You're the one who should feel happy, having expressed yourself so clearly!
12/13/2004 The Rid (5): 4 stars plus a corrective star for Mr. Coffee's being a spoiled-sport.
12/13/2004 cuntry (3): keep the orchestra seats for Pavarotti's breath and stab her with YOUR tuning fork.
12/13/2004 hagit mizrachy (3): Well I love the symphony. This short makes me feel so damn unpretty. And I keep the rating a three because my husband has a distinct curvature to his penis. No adult prodigy, the author.
12/13/2004 TheBuyer (3):
12/13/2004 Litcube (3): Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
12/13/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3):