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“Say it you fuckin’ luza,” barked Tommy.

“Fuck ya mutha,” Marky cursed back.

“I would fuck your mutha Maaky, but I can’t find a hole that someone eltsz cawk ain’t buried-up-to-the-balls in—-now fuckin’ say it you queea.”

“Yar a fuckin’ prick Tawmy—MY AAM—MY FUCKIN’ AAM!”

“It’s just a fuckin’ headlawk you total faggot. How about an Indian sunburn?” offered Tommy.

“Come on Tawmy. Please no. I’ll fuckin’ say it.”

“Hey girls, come ova hea. He’s gonna fuckin’ say it.”

Several girls came over wearing Southie’s Angels satin jackets.

“Ya fuckin’ makin’ him say it Tawmy?” Charlene asked through a chewing gum smirk.

“If he don't he’s gonna get his fuckin' disco aas kicked!” Tommy raised his hand causing Marky to flinch.

The girls starting chanting, “Say it luza!” and kept it up until Marky was red-faced and tearing.

“Oh my fuckin' Gawd, he looks shit-faced just like his wicked luza fatha!” squeaked Trisha.

Marky lunged toward her, but Tommy still had him by the arm which he twisted viciously.

“If you fuckin’ eva go afta a girl again I’ll fuckin’ give you a naycha wedgie in front of the whole fuckin' paak!!” Tommy felt proud defending Trisha. “Now fuckin’ say it right-the-fuck now!”

Marky muttered it too quietly to be heard, which was just what Tommy wanted.

Tommy jerked his arm even harder. “We caan’t fuckin’ hea you, retaad. Now you gawta say it twice and wicked loud, then we’ll let you run home to fuck ya sista.”

Marky could take the physical and mental pain no more. He screamed it out. “Ya the one they call Dawkta Feelgood. Ya the one that makes it feel alright. Ya the one they call Dawta Feelgood. Ya the one that makes it feel alright!”

They all started laughing uproariously and pointing.

“Oh my Gawd, what a fuckin’ wicked retaaded luza,” laughed Trisha.

“Tommy, ya fuckin’ hysterical,” flirted Charlene.

“Fuckin': I’m the one they call Dawkta Feelgood,” sang Tommy.

Everyone fuckin' cracked-up.

About the author: Charlie “Quicksta” O’Shanahan grew up in Quincy, Massachusetts.

He has published editorial letters in the Providence Journal

and Boston Herald and writes a regular column in his local American Legion newsletter.

In his spare time, he works as a barkeep at Shamrock's Olde Country Bar and Billiards.

Date Written: December 14, 2004
Author: hagit mizrachy
Average Vote: 3.1667

12/31/2004 TheBuyer: what's this 'about the author' bullshit doing there wrecking retarded, funny short? maybe it's just in my head, it is pretty late on a school night.
12/31/2004 cuntry: wait, is matt damon on acme?!?
12/31/2004 The Rid: Funny, but highly derivative. The "About the author" bit at the end is NG.
12/31/2004 TheBuyer (4): satin jackets gave me a haad an.
12/31/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (2): white man's law no good for injun
12/31/2004 anonymous: I have seen Goodwill Hunting and Mystic River, but the derivation is more from personal experience. The about author will be removed before the publication of the screenplay.
01/2/2005 Litcube (3):
01/3/2005 The Rid (3):
01/6/2005 Dylan Danko (4): Come on, this was pretty fucking funny. Except for the abuot author bit.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: No doubt, this was lowballed. Also, I've had that fucking song in my head since.
01/6/2005 qualcomm (3):