home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Simpatico the waitress practically glided across the room. I sit writing this from my usual table in the corner. The one she reserves for me. The one at which someday, I will propose.

Tendrils of hair. Curls that envelop. Arms that caress.

But wait. She's motioning to me. I see something new in her glance. An entreaty of some sort. A mystery that lies before me...

"Sir. Sir! Could you please move to the back of the bus? We're trying to load a handicapped passenger."

Date Written: December 16, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 1.625

01/4/2005 hagit mizrachy: Points for brevity. Simpatica, no?
01/4/2005 The Rid: Mluh.
01/4/2005 Will Disney: wait - does this take place in a cafe or on a bus? can you please rewrite with a different last sentence that maintains the tone you've created?
01/4/2005 The Rid: Disney has a point. I don't get this thing. Actually, I wonder if there's anything to "get." Ham, anyone?
01/4/2005 Litcube: Rid, I would very much enjoy a slice of ham.
01/4/2005 anonymous: For clarity: he's daydreaming.
01/4/2005 Litcube: Whoah!
01/4/2005 qualcomm (1): squink
01/4/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (1): I must concur.
01/4/2005 The Rid: Yeah, I'm dangerously close to 1-starring this thing, too.
01/4/2005 anonymous: One star, readers?
01/4/2005 The Rid (1): Yeah.
01/4/2005 The Rid: For clarity: This sucks.
01/4/2005 Dylan Danko (1):
01/4/2005 Will Disney (3): i like the beginning - the loser taking notes in the cafe. 2.5 stars.
01/4/2005 Dylan Danko: Officials believe they survived the devastation by using age-old early warning systems.
01/4/2005 Litcube (1): It's very clear what this short is. Sorry, author. Whoever you are...
01/4/2005 Ewan Snow: You idiots, what the hell wasn't clear about this? Are you brainless? Have you ever read anything in your fucking lives? You didn't get that he was daydreaming Walter Mitty style? Fucking A! This is not to say that the short is good; it's not. It has a lame setup and a totally uninspired punch line. But honestly, I don't know which is worse, the short or its readers! FUCK!!! (That's right, anger, real old-fashioned anger.)
01/4/2005 anonymous: Apologies. Apologies to you all. I knew this wasn't very good when I wrote it.
01/4/2005 anonymous: Also, what Mr. Snow said.
01/4/2005 Litcube: Ewan, lay down your vote. Let the market's correction take its natural course.
01/4/2005 anonymous: Sorry. This is B-team.
01/4/2005 qualcomm: this was written by the same guest who used the word "tendril" twice before.

the minge

01/4/2005 qualcomm: by which i mean, once.
01/4/2005 qualcomm: wait, strike that. whoever wrote this is texxx, though. that much i'm sure of.
01/4/2005 The Rid: "The Minge." That's funnier than anything I've read today. Qualcomm, do you still think that I, The Rid, might, perchance, be Texxx?

The Rid

01/4/2005 The Rid: Author: If you know this short is B-Team, why post it? It's not like we get demoted like the authors. What the eff?
01/4/2005 qualcomm: you're one of my top three suspects, the rid. while i allow that i could be pointed in the complete wrong direction, i am convinced that texxx is among us.
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: you have a top three suspects? i can think of two, and I cheat.
01/4/2005 qualcomm: the rid, turgid and streifen
01/4/2005 The Rid: You know, I think I may be able to find proof that I'm not Texxx.
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: not streifen
01/4/2005 qualcomm: why not streifen
01/4/2005 The Rid: And, uh, at the risk of opening some old wounds or just plain pissing people off, what exactly was the beef with Texxx? I mean, I read that big long message board thread when he announced he was leaving - and all the subsequent brouhaha - but that doesn't really give any insight into the shorts he wrote or alleged vitriol he was bombarded with, or the "just because" factor of his voting. And his shorts are hidden, damn it! What was the story? Fill me in!
01/4/2005 qualcomm: no.
01/4/2005 qualcomm: if you want more information, will disney has the power to unhide everything texxx ever wrote on acme, including his shorts.
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: cause streifen isn't an NYer.
01/4/2005 Ewan Snow: No, Disney can't unhide Texxx's shorts, I thought. Texxx deleted them, which is why that feature got removed, right? He can just put the messages back, I thought, which he should do, by the way.
01/4/2005 qualcomm: disney confessed to me: he still has the shorts on the "database"
01/4/2005 Ewan Snow: Ahhhh, he must have a BACKUP of the BACK-END, if you know what I mean. Reposting the shorts would not be ethical, however, so he should just repost them as hidden shorts so we can see the comments. Ethics are important, you know.
01/4/2005 Will Disney: Agreed. I'll do that...
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: without checking to see if the laws are different [Canada/USA], I think deleting them is unethical, recovering permissed, published material removed by someone other than the registered owner/administrator of the webspace on which it appeared isn't.
01/4/2005 Ewan Snow: No, because the stories were posted with the assumption that the author could remove them. It's not like Texxx hacked in and removed articles for a newspaper site. His My AcmeShorts area had delete links to remove any shorts he wanted to. On Acme, the writers are given a certain amount of control over their "submissions". So while Disney could probably repost the shorts without legal challenge, it would be sort of a double cross, and therefore unethical, cuz last time I check double-crossing is NOT ethical.
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: I forgot that the 'delete' feature on published shorts was removed after he did it not before, I stand corrected.
01/4/2005 Mr. Joshua: Bring Back Wildman Jimmy Moore!!!
01/4/2005 Jon Matza: I have nothing to add here. Just wanted to spread some sunshine...HI GUYS!
01/4/2005 John Slocum: God! Matza - you are such a cunt sometimes.
01/4/2005 Mr. Joshua: Over here, Slocum.
01/4/2005 John Slocum: STOP IT!
01/4/2005 Mr. Joshua: Stop what?
01/4/2005 Jon Matza: HI??
01/4/2005 TheBuyer (3): author, i'm picturing the narrator with his cock in his hand jarred back to reality, face to face with some unfortunate, dribbling retard. It's much better that way. Also, i owe you one from before. therefore, guest to guest trois.
01/4/2005 Mr. Joshua: Don't change the subject, Buyer.
01/4/2005 TheBuyer: damn. you.
03/7/2005 deliciousbrains (2): Sorry.