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Tie two hot dogs together with bacon. Strangle Bay scallops with bacon. Devil an egg and then stab it with bacon. Stick seventy-seven strips of bacon up a Cornish hen's ass. Rape a baked potato with bacon. Fuck with your peanut butter sandwich. When it's expecting the grape jam, hit it with the bacon. Crush 6 pounds of the extra crispy stuff and make your soups and salad cry. Oh, and bacon gravy! Throw 97 biscuits into a hot tub full of bacon gravy. Clog arteries. Grow love handles. Eat bacon. Wake up and smell the bacon.

Date Written: December 17, 2004
Author: CornHole22
Average Vote: 3.4167

Comments:
01/5/2005 hagit mizrachy (3): I've heard of Pig Latin, but never Pig Math--Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
01/5/2005 Will Disney: i'm really happy with the shortness of the last couple guest shorts.
01/5/2005 qualcomm (3): i'm tempted to four this, but something's in error
01/5/2005 Cyrus (1): Bacon gravy? Obesity in America has increased more than 60% since 1991 and you want bacon gravy? Just how often does the forklift come to take you to the Dr.? 1* for being brave enough to put this out there you fat bastard.
01/5/2005 Dick Vomit (4): I'll four it. I don't care how stupid and lazy it is. I loved it. When it's expecting the grape jam, hit it with the bacon? Who cares? FOUR.
01/5/2005 qualcomm: yeah, i blew it. i should have been braver.
01/5/2005 Will Disney (4):
01/5/2005 The Rid (4): Stupid. But I laughed really hard. Perhaps I'm stupid (no need for all to agree!)?
01/5/2005 Litcube (5): Corrective for the nameless retard. Hit it with bacon.
01/5/2005 Dylan Danko (3): I like the Ronco tone but I think more could have been done with it.
01/5/2005 John Slocum (4): And wash it down with a great, traditional Côte Rôtie, perhaps from the old vines of Jean-Michel Stephan, vintage 2000. Know what I'm talking about, Disney?
01/5/2005 Will Disney: Yes, I remember when you poured that swill down my muppety gullet!
01/5/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3):
01/5/2005 TheBuyer (4):
01/6/2005 Jon Matza: I thought I recognized the woprk of Cornhole22...
01/6/2005 Mr. Pony (3): Dead on, Danko. This is some good work, here, but that "clog arteries; grow love handles" is a critical tonal error. Cyrus, your thoughts on the Obesity Epidemic gripping the nation are both boldly insightful and sorely needed, especially in this dark age of gluttony and self-entitlement. Welcome to Acme?
01/6/2005 Mr. Joshua: Pony, thank goodness you're back to give the newbies their proper welcomes. Please make sure this new guy Cyrus is warmly attended to; he seems alright.
01/6/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, he certainly does his research, and that's something I think we can all respect.
01/6/2005 Cyrus: Thanks for the welcome Mr. Pony. Mr J pony seems familiar. Have I met him before?
01/6/2005 Mr. Joshua: Yeah, he's a good guy. Not overly prone to casting hasty judgements. Sees the good and bad in everyone.
01/7/2005 John Slocum: Mr. Joshua = Tree/Cyrus? Cantankerous alter ego? Wine?