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The wind sighed in the trees as I sat quietly beside the stream. I drifted into a state not unlike peace. I became so enthralled with the sounds that I did not notice her come across the stream and up the bank until she was nearly upon me.
“Hello,” she said in a dark husky voice “have you been waiting long?”
All my life, I thought. “No, not long at all,” I said with my heart pounding so loud in my head I was sure she must hear it. I was excited almost beyond control at this point. She was breathtakingly beautiful in the afternoon sunlight.
We sat quietly for a time, enjoying the sunset and the company. As the stars began to show themselves, twinkling and sparkling in the heavens, she suggested in a voice laden with lust, “We should get started now”.
My head became light as she stood and began to undress. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she watched me disrobe. I looked down upon her in wonder at what I had done to deserve so much.
I grasped myself and stood above her. I began to piss, as it splashed across her chest and into her face I began to shout, “Drink, you filthy bitch, swallow my piss!" This was great she was swallowing my yellow stream like a pro. My sister was good to me.
Date Written: December 20, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.25
01/6/2005 hagit mizrachy: It kinda misses because we know there's gonna be a shock ending.
01/6/2005 The Rid: Gotta tell you, I saw it coming. The piss, the sister joke, and his eventual, unmentioned, cum-on-the-face bit.
01/6/2005 Will Disney: yeah, imagine if it didn't have a shock ending. that woulda really been something!
01/6/2005 The Rid: Not that I haven't written some bad shock endings, but this one is really sticking in my craw (to paraphrase QC).
01/6/2005 John Slocum (2): formulaic to a fault. too bad because I enjoyed some of the first 4 paragraphs.
01/6/2005 Will Disney: not a bad job for your first short, however!
01/6/2005 The Rid: Whoa! Do you guys stick that at the top of all first shorts, or is this a new feature, Disney?
01/6/2005 Will Disney: new feature - as of 7 minutes ago.
01/6/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Ahahaha, I have to say, these calculated shock endings still do it for me. And for some reason I chuckled out loud at the excessively juvenile "swallow my piss".
01/6/2005 John Slocum: Had I known I would have been more generous. Sorry author, and let me add I hope you continue submitting. As long as Pony's away, I'll fill in in the welcoming role.
01/6/2005 The Rid: Congratulations, Disney. I now have to 3-star this POS instead of 2-starring it. Why? Because I've got heart.
01/6/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Now come on! Calm down! Get ahold of yourself! How is this a POS? It may be predictable, but for what reasons do you really think it's that bad?
01/6/2005 The Rid (3): And btw, New Guest, if you happen to know Texxx, don't admit you know him, otherwise you may be accused of being him.
01/6/2005 The Rid: Streif: Okay, okay. "POS" may be a little rough. But seeing as how most people on this site spare no unkind word when addressing something they thought sucked, I thought I'd hold that Acme tradition high for the new kid and break him in early.
01/6/2005 cuntry (3): solid fare. I kind of wish he'd kept talking at the end - a whole stream of filthy nonsense.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: Hey Disney, ever get around to fixing that bug where you can see who the new author is when his name is still hidden by looking at the raw rating of his published short and matching that name up in the Stas with the author who has a rating and 0 shorts published?
01/6/2005 anonymous: Huh? What happened here? explain yourself Buyer
01/6/2005 Will Disney: i agree with cuntry.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: sorry no, 'explain yourself Buyer' anon is homo.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Wow High praise from Disney
01/6/2005 Mr. Pony: I realize that the author is mimicking a specific style of writing here, but it still seems odd. Like there's too many words or something. If I didn't know better, I'd say that I recognize the accent! I agree with Slocum's first impression; while I didn't see the "surprise" ending coming, I saw it coming in retrospect, if you get my drift.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Pony this started out as almost 600 words. It is definatly wordy by design. Don't be afraid to vote what yoy really feel it deserves. I'll probably cry for awhile and then get drunk to get over the heartbreak.
01/6/2005 hagit mizrachy (3): Now I remember, the image conjured up her reminds me of the naked girl(s) on the mossy river bank in those Thomas Hart Benton paintings.
01/6/2005 qualcomm (3): the thought here is nice, but the writing is so pedestrian. "breathtakingly beautiful" "twinkling" stars, "I began to shout" (boldface hitler's), etc. i don't think this was done on purpose. i think the author was trying to lull us into a drowsy state of whimsy, which would have worked a lot better with more imaginative prose. playing down the urination would have been less dicknut, too.
01/6/2005 Litcube (3): I smell a TREE/Cyrus. I wish the sister bit weren't in there; the shock had already subsided by the time I got there.
01/6/2005 Mr. Joshua: If either Tree or Cyrus wrote this, I'm giving it a fiver.
01/7/2005 John Slocum: Let's go Joshua...or should I say Tree/Cyrus. You didn't fool this guy.
01/28/2005 Cyrus: Mr J I noticed you did not return to cast your vote?
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): My vote for best Guest Short of January 2005
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: Unscrupulous!
02/15/2005 Great Satan: Witness the fitness, you annoying son of a bitch: 666
02/15/2005 anonymous: This is me in Sergio's cunt!