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"I've heard people pose the following question in various contexts: 'What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?' In brief, if we're talking about my wife's vaginal tract, the following question would be more appropriate: 'What happens when an unstoppable force slips into a greedy, loveworn chasm?'"

My school counselor's pencil lead broke mid-transcription. He hadn't expected me to mockingly assume his identity when beginning the story of his cuckoldry.

Date Written: December 21, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 2.375

01/7/2005 The Rid: This is another one of those shock endings that doesn't quite work...
01/7/2005 TREE (2): Yea!!! Rid formed an opinion all on his own. Course it is an opinion someone else used on a different short. Also he still isn't confident enough in his own thought process to offer a vote without further instruction.> This short needs to be fleshed out a bit. Did the coucillor screw the narrator's wife?
01/7/2005 Cyrus (3): TREE you have to slow down. Check your work before handing it in. Yes the Rid did make his own opinion and should recieve the appropriate pat on the back. The short above did amuse (slightly) and I agree it is a bit vague. Would it have been funnier if the details were spelled out? I don't think so
01/7/2005 hagit mizrachy (2): This makes no sense. I mean, who writes with a pencil?
01/7/2005 qualcomm: i don't get it. why is a student telling his school counselor about the counselor's cuckoldry? why is the counselor transcribing the account? are we supposed to assume that the narrator said something along the lines of "get a pencil, counselor, i'm going to tell you how i fucked your wife and i want you to write it down" right before the beginning of the short? if the counselor complied with this wish, why would he be so taken aback that the student mockingly assumed his identity? is that so shocking a turn of events after being told he's a cuckold (to a student, no less)? so many questions.
01/7/2005 anonymous: This student is a really bad guy. Not only did he 'do it' with his counselor's wife, he's rubbing it in. Let's just assume the counselor has to report these kinds of activities, per school regulations.
01/7/2005 anonymous: Points for brevity, readers?
01/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Author, I'm not sure I'm ready to assume your proposed assumption. By the way, I think we're all going to be in trouble once TREE realizes that with three identities he can have three votes!
01/7/2005 The Rid (2): So I was right. It still doesn't work and I still have to give it a two. Oh, and TREE is a cunt.
01/7/2005 The Rid: FULL AUTHORS: Why do you often read guest shorts but not often vote? Not that I'm complaining - if the reason for not voting is because you think they suck - but I've noticed that sometimes ya do, sometimes ya don't. Does an "abstain" = I didn't even like it enough to vote? Or I'm too busy? Or voting provokes TREE?

The Rid

01/7/2005 TheBuyer: Rid, they don't really like the smell here. I've always kind of pictured the guest area as the 'rec room' of acme shorts. Crayon on the walls, stale pot smoke smell, couple of darts and no dartboard, maybe a lice infested couch with a catpiss stain on it, concrete floor with a chunk of carboard for a carpet, that kind of thing. We don't notice because we live down here.
01/7/2005 TREE: Rid you are incorrect. I am an asshole not a cunt. This has been clarified by many people on site including myself. As to the question you posed I would refer you back to previous comments on many other shorts. The authors have already answered this. Not only has your short term memory been affected but you seem to be losing things from long term storage as well. Unless of course you simply don't pay attention?
01/7/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3):
01/7/2005 Litcube (2): Wow! Does this ever not make sense!
01/7/2005 The Rid: Buyer: I admit. I look for validation from the authors and am somewhat low on self-esteem. *Sniff*
01/7/2005 TheBuyer: You know what worked for me? Throw a rummy off of a bus. Pick a light one. It feels good, and builds self-confidence!
01/7/2005 Jon Matza: Economically chronicled, exceptionally dubious premise notwithstanding.
01/7/2005 hagit mizrachy: Matza do you have a pizoelectric chest microphone that runs directly to your ears so you can hear your husky resonance in real time?
01/7/2005 anonymous: And it is the short's economy, dear readers, that begs for its re-evaluation. (Or is it I who am begging?)
01/7/2005 Jon Matza: Pizoelectric? Resonance?
01/7/2005 hagit mizrachy: Those are just some of the words I carry around on a laminated sheet in my backpocket. Need a big word to land some ass at the bar? Excuse yourself and come back with some guaranteed firepower.
01/7/2005 TheBuyer (3): auth, credit hagit for the third star for 'land some ass'
01/7/2005 hagit mizrachy: "Sorry about that pit stop hun. Bartender, give the lady with the tourmaline eyes a freshen up libation!" "Oh Buyer, you're the most!" I'm tellin you Buyer, your apt to drown in roiling tang.
01/7/2005 TheBuyer: Ha! Sister, I like you way better now that you make sense.
01/7/2005 cuntry: Hagit, "who uses pencils" caused me to spit out a losenge i'd just popped in.
01/7/2005 cuntry (2): had potential. needed more text to realize it.