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Johnny: Mr. Carter, where you were yesterday?
Mr. Carter: I was in Ireland. My plane got delayed.
Johnny: Isn't that where they have those niggas with dresses on?
Mr. Carter: That's Scotland. It's close to that place.
Tyrell: Mr. Carter, you ever see Leprechaun in the hood?
Mr. Carter: No, was it good?-
Johnny: -Yo, they be faggots over there. Niggas in dresses. I seen two niggas with plaid dresses on in Times Square - those niggas be gay.
Mr. Carter: It's a traditional thing over there; they wear them at weddings and-
Johnny: That shit gay Mr. Carter.
Tyrell: Angels wear dresses.
Johnny: Angels wear robes, nigga.
Tyrell: Aint no robes; robes be open up at the top. Angels wear dresses.
Johnny: They be wearing robes! If they wearin' dresses, they gay too.
Tyrell: The Pope wears dresses.
Johnny: The Pope gay too! The Pope be molesting little kids and shit. He started all that shit. [In white guy/Pope accent:]'Come on up to my private quarters, lil' Timmy. I got to show you my vestibule. OK. Now. This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me, Timmy. Don't fight the shit, either, because it'll only hurt more. ' The Pope a fuckin faggot yo. All them niggas in dresses be faggots.
Mr. Carter: OK. Back to work.
Date Written: January 04, 2005Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3
01/13/2005 ALLAH (3): Funny, and fresh. But I felt this could have ended with "The Pope gay too!"
01/13/2005 Will Disney: Carter's second response was the highlight for me.
01/13/2005 John Slocum (3): best ebonics short.
01/13/2005 John Slocum: Johnny seems obsessed with various people or peoples being gay.
01/13/2005 Ewan Snow: It's spelled KOTTER, not CARTER. Also, with all due, respect, this short is not that "successful". I will elaborate later...
01/13/2005 John Slocum: Elaborate now.
01/13/2005 Dylan Danko (3): I actually thought this short was funny but have to three it for the fuck up.
01/13/2005 Ewan Snow: Which fuck up?
01/13/2005 Jon Matza: "[in white guy/Pope accent]" was fairly sirloin. Processing...
01/13/2005 qualcomm: i like the idea of the line "Don't fight the shit either, because it'll only hurt more" being spoken by an ebonics-disabled person impersonating whitey
01/13/2005 qualcomm (2): nevertheless, stop phoning it in, maniacs
01/13/2005 Litcube (4): [excuse me]
01/13/2005 TheBuyer: up here only the white kids talk like this
01/13/2005 cuntry (2): not enough of anything.
01/13/2005 Dick Vomit: Oh, TheBuyer, so I guess the kids in this short must be black, is that right? Or are you just making an FYI kind of statement? You...you racist. Plus, Canada does not have a monopoly on MTV-bred suburban "wiggers," you know, buck-o. Try Long Island, dun. Yeah, LONG ISLAND? Roosevelt Field Mall? Muh?Yeah? Wyandanch? Commack? Honda Civic Car clubs? Yeah? Fuckin' dugout rape sesh behind the high school? Fuckin' traded the mullets for the eminem look? YEAH? You still my son, muh? MUH?
01/13/2005 qualcomm: commack
01/13/2005 TheBuyer: Hi Ricky! just sayin.
01/13/2005 Dick Vomit: commack.
01/13/2005 Mr. Pony (4): It's a little Kids Say the Darndest Things, but many details made me laugh; most of which have been mentioned, but also the kids reasoning out whether angels are faggots or not. 3.5. When you think about it, kids really do say the darndest things!
01/13/2005 qualcomm: i'd argue with you over this vote, pony, but you've stifled debate on acme with your militant relativism.
01/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, if you feel that you can't argue with me, then you've misunderstood me entirely!
01/13/2005 qualcomm: no, no, what's the use.. we've all got points of view and no single one is any more legitimate than any other... we may just as well try to figure out if your yellow is the same as mine... will to live... fading... vegas nerve... shutting down...
01/13/2005 Jon Matza: Christ, Pony, can't you even let qc venture one little tentative opinion without jumping down his throat?
01/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, I admit that my ideas might sound a little silly when you totally misunderstand and misrepresent them.
01/13/2005 qualcomm: okay, it's just that i think you might be being intellectually dishonest with this vote? because i know it's like, hard to give maniacs a bad rating? because he's so cute?
01/13/2005 TheBuyer (3): middle ground
01/13/2005 Jon Matza: QC, lay off pony. Also stop persecuting destroyah. It may have seemed funny now but I assure you it wasn't previously, later.
01/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Thank you, Matza, I'm not sure why QC's always viciously attacking me for no good reason when I haven't done anything wrong at all, but I assure you, I don't deserve it.
01/13/2005 anonymous: Although the show "welcome Back Kotter" was great, and was indeed what I named the teacher after, Kotter as we all know, was a Jew. I am unfortunately a Goy and had to Anglosize the name to feel genuine about it, as the teacher in this based on me. Whether or not it works is one thing, but a mistake it wasn't.
01/13/2005 anonymous: Oh yeah, and the two black kids were black kids.
01/13/2005 Phony Millions (4): This was funny yo.
01/14/2005 scoop (2): I notice sometimes that people around here will apologize for a low vote, "sorry but X just didn't make me Y..." or whatever. I may ahve done it in the past and I was wrong to do so. I feel that you owe me an apology author. So there. I mean it feels like an anecdote, some snathc f overheard something or other, without anything new or added to it to make it funny or iteresting. I'll accept your apology forthwith.
01/14/2005 John Slocum: I'm sorry, Scoop.
01/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Come on, scoop, I mean, if anything at all is self-evident, it's that Kids Say the Darndest Things.
01/14/2005 qualcomm: i know one thing for sure, pony: your point of view and scoop's point of view are 100% equal in every way, right down to the words and letters used to construct your comments.
01/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Okay, that is so nonsensical that I don't even know if you're trying to make fun of me, or make some sort of point, or what.
01/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Seuss much?
01/14/2005 Ewan Snow: Benny, I was joking about the Kotter spelling mistake. (I knew you intended Carter.) It's just that it reminded me of that show, sort of...
01/14/2005 Benny Maniacs (1): Sometimes I don't understand The Humor. Scoop, I apologize to any and all readers of ACME SHORTS for any spelling or typo mistakes you make.