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Does the proverbial five-second rule apply in all circumstances? I ask, because as one of the tenured custodians sanitizing the floors in the booths of Montpelier's finest adult nickelodeon, I fear I have stumbled upon an exception that needs to be examined. For instance, I notice that a single kernel of popcorn or a solitary Reese's piece adheres quite readily to a surface lacquered with jism. Immediately, in fact. Would it be wise to retrieve this morsel even after 0.5 seconds? This observation is just one of many I have noted over the years that may in fact call this rule into question. I actually have a clear, unobstructed view of the goings-on in booth twelve from just beneath the balustrade, where I take my morning respite.

Date Written: January 10, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3

01/21/2005 Will Disney: Of course it applies.
01/21/2005 Will Disney: The fancy language in this one wasn't as funny to me as I would have hoped it would be. I like the completely disgusting nature of it, however.
01/21/2005 anonymous: According to Clarke, a senior at the Chicago High School for Agricultural Sciences, the 5-second rule dates back to the time of Genghis Khan, who first determined how long it was safe for food to remain on a floor when dropped there. Khan had slightly lower standards, however; he specified 12 hours, more or less.
01/21/2005 Cyrus (3): Has the author seen someone pick up a reese's piece? This is reasonably gross but I did not lol.
01/21/2005 The Rid (2): Sorry. Not funny.
01/21/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): I hate to say it, but I felt this short was a hot dog dressed up as prosciutto. That said, it had spirit.
01/21/2005 Pusher Robot: We are here to protect you.
01/21/2005 anonymous: By "protection," do you mean the awarding of high votes to shorts meriting more praise than has been afforded thus far? (Like this one?)
01/21/2005 TheBuyer (4): i want a Hot dog now.
01/21/2005 Jawbreaker (3): I do observe the 5 second rule but jism is definitly pushing it. (well, maybe not)
01/21/2005 anonymous: The Rid, I too am sorry that you did not find this funny.

The Author
01/21/2005 The Rid: Jawbreaker, that's more than I wanted to know about you.
01/21/2005 cuntry (3): this could be the opener to a seinfeld episode! minus the jism of course.
01/23/2005 Pusher Robot: Go stand by the stairs. We are here to protect you.