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Iím not willing to compromise. I want the whole thing. Why does life have to be a settlement or a consolation prize? How about I win the blue ribbon? And why not? Iím well within my rights to have my cake and have it too. Thereís no law of physics, as far as I know, preventing me from winning. And who said I have to always come in second place? Does Kristen have some God given right to all the attention in this equation? I mean every cool pose she strikes leaves me with a zit, or a bad hair day or a fucking blood stain on my white shorts! These arenít just circumstantial happenstances. Thereís a paper trail. Iíve done the numbers. Hell, Iíve crunched the numbers. It all adds up to one thing. Kristenís a boy-crazy attention hound and Iím always the third wheel. But thereís something that doesnít add up. If Josh made varsity and now Briís driving me home, what is Kristen doing after school? If she turns pep squad Iím going to go to town on my wrists. But I canít always be a door mat. I should step up. Sometimes a girl has to stop being the victim and get empowered. If the Donna Sisterís came to my room and tore down my posters, would I just roll over like Jessica and cleave beave? At some point you have to recognize your self esteem issues. So no more little Julie Schoolie. Iím gonna tear her a new cervix.

Date Written: January 20, 2005
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.5556

Comments:
01/28/2005 Phony Millions (4): Ah, the female beast! The mind reels at her cunning intelligence and subtle charm. Nice brevity here and 'cleave beave' was a fav.
01/28/2005 Sergio (4): Excellent rhythme. I also liked "go to town on my wrists"
01/28/2005 The Rid (4): Something funny about this one!
01/28/2005 qualcomm: well within my rights
01/28/2005 John Slocum: This is not written by a girl.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Are you suggesting that the narrator isn't a gay boy?
01/28/2005 qualcomm (3):
01/28/2005 TheBuyer (4): This made me laugh mostly because it reads like blog-bait a degenerate would leave on TeenyChatter to get 12 year old girls to trust him.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Did it work?
01/28/2005 John Slocum (3): Pony: I wasn't suggesting the narrator isn't a gay boy (didn't even occur to me), but since you ask, I don't think the narrator is a gay boy. And if the author set out to write this as a gay-boy version of the inner monologue of a high school girl-adolescent, what about this says gay-boy to you (I don't think the author did, and I think you were joking, but I thought I'd pretend you weren't joking and answer you [but if you really weren't joking my answer would serve as a respectful, serious response {have i covered all my bases?}])? I'll now ask you, sir, do you think the narrator is a gay boy, or were you joking?
01/28/2005 John Slocum: sir?
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: It's clear the narrator is not a gay boy (the menstrual stain nixes that pretty good), but an initial glance at the unusual tone got me a-thinkin', and I thought I'd bring it up, even though it's clearly not true. Slocum, you honor me with your thorough response.
01/28/2005 Litcube (3): Wasn't bad. Applaud the absence of repeated "like"s.
01/28/2005 Jawbreaker (4): This sounds like a day in my high school.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Jawbreaker, are you still in high school? Or are you reflecting on the past?
01/28/2005 Mr. Negative: Kill babies!
01/28/2005 Jawbreaker: Just reflecting. NO I am not in high school. I am almost insulted by that comment!
02/2/2005 scoop (3):