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Dear Acme: My apologies for posting a short I had posted a while ago and forgotten about. Here is a real treat (I hope) for you to chew on over the weekend. My further apologies for the fact that this is not, actually, a short.
Francis Girdle knew he was going places. There was big demand for creative thinkers and inspiring leaders, perhaps, in some utopian meritocracy. But, in the mediocracy of the real world, there was a much bigger demand for a dimwit who could keep his mouth shut. Francis went into the interview knowing that he had the upper hand.
Mr. Trousseau , Senior Vice President of Corporate Integrity at ValueCrack sat behind a glowing ivory desk. He glared at Francis Girdle’s resume and smacked his lips with a satisfaction that the business about to transpire would reflect well upon his managerial qualities, his knowledge of corporate objectives and his indisputably white teeth.
“So, Francis, tell me about your work for Telligenicals,” Mr. Trouseau began.
“Oh there’s not so much to tell,” Girdle yawned. “Let’s just say that when the indictments were handed down, I didn’t squeal.”
“But how could such fraud have gone unnoticed by senior management?”
“Well that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it?” asked Girdle. “That is what I have to offer. Others will come in with their communications skills or their industry experience, but when the shit hits the bowl, who’s gonna drop a dime and who’s gonna be a team player?”
Trousseau shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Suddenly he felt as if he had forgotten to wipe so good. Who would drop a dime when the shit hit the bowl? Was his current team really goal-oriented, as he understood the goals to be to the best of his knowledge? What could be implied about certain violations of fiduciary responsibility?
“Of course my services don’t come cheap,” added Girdle, “I add value through risk management and expect to have that value well comp’d.”
Trousseau stared him down. Girdle stared back. Trousseau blinked.
“I think we can put together an attractive package, one whose benefits will tend to your every whim,” said Trousseau. “Well, maybe ‘whim’ is a weak word -- your every hope will be managed through our exclusive benefits disbursal system, guaranteeing you longevity and good luck.”
Trousseau pushed a folder across his desk to Girdle. Girdle took it and gave it a glance over. Medical, dental, pet insurance, 401 K, stock options, stock, salary of course, bonuses, massages, baby sitting, laundry, food delivery, company car, company apartment, hair stylist, vacation vouchers, free soda, juice, spring water and coffee. Everything seemed to be in order.
“I’ll take it,” said Girdle.
Girdle found a pay phone in the ValueCrack lobby and called the moving company. He told them to stop by Macy’s and pick up a new custom leather sofa on the way to his new apartment and to charge everything to ValueCrack.
“What do you mean ‘custom’ leather sofa? Isn’t there some particular sofa you want?” the shipping clerk asked.
“No! It’s got to be entirely custom!” Girdle slammed down the phone and went out through security.
He drove across town to Knotty Pines, the condo complex where he was supposed to move in. When he pulled in front of the Knotty Pines Community Center, a parking attendant dressed like an old-fashioned toy soldier greeted him.
“Hello, Sir, would you like valet parking?”
“What kind of uniform is that?”
“What? Uh... I don’t know, it’s just what we’re supposed to wear.”
“Who’s supposed to wear?”
“The parking attendants. We’re supposed to wear these red jackets and these black boots.” He lifted his scuffed black boot for Girdle to see.
“So, you’re saying I don’t have you wear that shit?”
“Even once I move in?”
Girdle got out of the car and handed the attendant the keys.
“Okay, then.” He walked into the Community Center, careful to notice what everyone was wearing. Nope, no red uniforms except for on the hired help. Not bad.
The Community Center at Knotty Pines was more than would ordinarily be expected from such a community center. First of all, it had a large medical X-Ray machine in the center. The machine was cordoned off and marked with bright orange RADIATION WARNING signs. But despite all of that there was a long line for entry.
Girdle pushed his way to the front of the line.
“Hey, wadaya think you’re doing?” asked a round old man at the front of the line.
“I need to know what’s inside me!” Girdle shouted.
Girdle jumped into the X-Ray Machine just before it turned on. Radiation went clear through his body. Except those areas which were really dense, such as his bones, and certain...
Girdle exited the X-Ray Machine and followed the signs to pick up his transparencies.
A tall woman with big brown moles on each cheek sat behind a glass window with a little vent to talk through.
“I’m going to give you your X-Rays in three minutes. Between now and then you will spend one minute looking for your employee number. After that it will be a two minute wait,” the woman behind the glass said through the vent. Her lips were pressed right up against it all smooshed and gross. There was spit.
Francis searched through the folder Mr. Trousseau had given him. Where was it? The fucking employee number! Shit, this wasn’t cool. He’d cut line for this X-Ray and now if he couldn’t find his employee number in a few more seconds the woman with moles on her cheeks and with her lips on the glass, well, her spooky prediction might turn out to be inaccurate.
There it is!
Girdle pulled out a sheet of paper form the folder.
“13571113,” said Girdle.
“Those are the primes,” said the woman with a raise of her eyebrows, “1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 are all prime numbers. Unfortunately that will have no impact on your two minute wait.”
Girdle took a seat.
The magazine selection was an insult. Lunch Magazine? Celebrity Foreskin?
What kind of shit was the world, anyway? How could there be so many magazines? It was bullshit and Girdle knew it, but obviously most people didn’t. What idiots! They just walked around with their stupid lives and their 2.3 kids and subscribe to this shit. No wonder the country was so fucked up. What was wrong with people? They never thought about stuff as much as he did. They never considered how stupid everything was. Retards. They got what they deserved.
“Here you are.” The woman behind the glass slid him a manila envelope.
Girdle grabbed it and ran over to the light boxes mounted on the wall. He clipped his X-Rays up and took a look.
Normal, normal, it all seemed normal. Not that he was trained to look at X-Rays but he had this feeling that something would jump out at him. But what was that flat thing, that shape that seemed a little too flat on his right side? Maybe he should get a doctor or somebody official to look at it. But that would be expensive. But wait, now he had medical coverage. Of course, this would all be fine. He put the X-Rays back in the envelope and went to the front desk.
Dr. Schematica put on his glasses and examined the X-Rays. Girdle was playing with one of those paddles with the ball on the elastic. He was exceptionally talented, or so he assumed.
“Please stop that. It’s distracting,” said the doctor as he pushed his glasses up on his nose with his index finger. “I don’t like the look of this here, this flat thing here. Do you see this?”
Dr. Schematica pointed at the flat thing that Girdle had noticed earlier.
“Fuck, yes! That’s why I came to you. That little piece of shit looks far too flat. What is it? Is it gonna kill me?”
“I’m afraid so. But lucky for you, it probably won’t kill you for a long time. We have no treatment, unfortunately. Because it’s so flat, you see, surgery is impossible. Just try to forget that it is growing inside you, getting flatter and poisoning your blood.”
“Try to forget? You son of a bitch! Is that all my new health insurance covers, best wishes?”
Girdle was prepared to strangle the doctor with his paddleball elastic, if needed. But the doctor gave such a good-natured laugh, that murder seemed like overkill.
“Well, the good news is it’s a low co-pay!” The doctor laughed. Girdle couldn’t help but laugh as well.
Shit! The doctor wasn’t so bad. Girdle wondered what he did on the weekends. Maybe sometime he wanted to hang out.
Date Written: January 20, 2005Comments:
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.7
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Matza, what the hell?
01/28/2005 The Rid: Humpf.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: author better give an explanation for this lustre-scraper, and fast
01/28/2005 Mr. Negative: What the fuck is this nonsense?
01/28/2005 Cyrus: maybe the author was going to copy all the comments as well?
01/28/2005 qualcomm: i'm 10 minutes from 1ing this if i don't hear some explanation. plagiarism, even of oneself, is not tolerated here at acme.
01/28/2005 Daphne: It's not like this is the most offensive thing on the site...
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): This is groundbreaking stuff. Acme's first known plagiarized short. Whaddya say, Cy?
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Hi Daphne, please see the link below, this may be the most offensive thing on the site unless this author can explain otherwise. This short was already written by a Jon Matza imposter and may have been posted in error.
01/28/2005 anonymous: you mean Acme's first internally plagiarized short, right, Mister J.? thanks for the reminder!! ha ha ha
01/28/2005 Daphne: Oh! Thanks, Buyer...Duh!
01/28/2005 Cyrus: Are you trying to get me in shit again Mr. J? This is a serious matter and must be dealt with accordingly. Go get the coffee mug from vonnegut.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Ooops. Hold on. Mistake...
01/28/2005 anonymous: I found this on my computer and submitted it. When I found it, I thought, huh, I must have been trying to write a Matza short. I didn't remember that I had already submitted it as a fake Matza short (I was “John Matza”). My apologies to the Acme community. I would recommend against 1-starring this, however, considering it was an honest mistake and that it is not, after all, a 1-star short!
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: C-Dog, as co-resident iconoclast with yours truly, since when did you care about "getting in shit"? Have you turned into the Rid? I've had enough of these fucking authors walking all over us guests....just this very morning, scoop left me holding my dick in my hand. There's nothing that would burn their asses more than 5-ing this work of art.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: I find your edits interesting.
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: My point, exactly, author. Brilliantly done.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: So you're going to leave it up, author?
01/28/2005 qualcomm: considering that the author deliberately submitted a bunch of shorts in a row to corner the frozen concentrated orange juice market (see last two days), this may need to be dealt with harshly.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: I already gave it a 4, honest mistakes cost LIVES!
For sportsmanship, a full re-write would appease this Canadian lumberjack wannabe.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, if you're right, he'll certainly come out smelling like a rose in the quarterly report, qualcomm! He's shoe-in for that promotion! I say!
01/28/2005 Cyrus (5): Shit J-man I can't have you thinking that. Not The Rid no please don't call me that. Alright I guess I can. I didn't vote on the original and it is funny. here ya go.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Wait a minute, how is this a Matza short? Is there some source material that one of you fine-looking gentlemen and ladies can point me to?
01/28/2005 anonymous: Pony, I can't take it down, can I? If there is a way, I will. QC, screw off, you self-righteous twerp.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Really? There are edits? Pony, what are they? So I guess this really is a new short! Mulp, director's cut.
01/28/2005 qualcomm (1): corrective. and i don't like it much.
01/28/2005 anonymous: You asked for it, fucker. This is war.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: I guess the only way would be to replace it with another short of yours already in the queue. You could hide it, but that might be lamer than leaving it up. The big edit is this: you changed the phrase "a party" to "foreplay", crippling one of the short's best jokes. The other was your change of "hand up" to "hang up", which I'm guessing was either the correction of a typo, or a reworking of one of the weirdest jokes I've ever heard.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Foreplay is better than party, buddy.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: That's stupid. You're stupid.
01/28/2005 anonymous: You're stupid, Pony. Foreplay is far better than party.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Wow, shut up, stupid.
01/28/2005 anonymous: No, you!
01/28/2005 Jon Matza: Author: threatening people if they give you a low vote is not very juice pak.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Matza, giving this short one star for bullshit reasons is even less juice pak. Obviously, I didn't realize I had published it before. Only a small minded twat would one star it for that reason.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer (1): Now that I think back, this has been in q and deleted before, I'm sure of it.
01/28/2005 anonymous: No, it hasn't, you dumb cunt. I will destroy you, Buyer, for being such a twat about this.
01/28/2005 anonymous: What, exactly, is my great crime here, which you pussies take such self-righteous delight in punising?
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Dude, it's a fucking do-over, if I or anyone else had done it I doubt your position would be so firm. Also, has so, the first line anyhow. Has so.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: i actually one-starred it mainly as a corrective to cyrus' and joshua's disingenuous, provocative 5-starring. i really do think it deserves about a 3.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Author you are mean! It is weird that you are also James K. Polk, one of my favorite guest authors! But I guess it is possible to have two personae, one who is a good writer and the other who is MEAN!
01/28/2005 qualcomm: author, do you have any other shorts in the queue? if so, i'd say your crime is not putting that up in this one's stead.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Bullshit. I found this short a few days ago, when I posted the others, and have never before had it in the q, except, obviously, when I submitted it way back when. It's plainly clear that it was done by mistake, but like a bunch of hysterical cunts, you act like I took a dump in the punch bowl. If Disney will let me delete it, I'll delete it. I don’t care. But you retards acting all scandalized is just gay.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: you're the one acting scandalized and gay, author. we're all perfectly calm.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Fine, I can move another one up. What did I have, three seconds to do it? Wasn't fast enough so I get the one star. Unbelievable self-important petiness on display from you tools.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: One thing is for sure, author, if you try to put this into the queue a fourth time, we will remember for sure, and we will have this conversation as a record to refer to!
01/28/2005 anonymous: "author better give an explanation for this lustre-scraper, and fast"
"i'm 10 minutes from 1ing this if i don't hear some explanation. plagiarism, even of oneself, is not tolerated here at acme."
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: Snow, the unthinkable moment has arrived. It is time for you and TREE/Cyrus to form an unholy alliance. Your enemy's enemy is your friend. Remember Lao Tzu. Just think of Acme as the grown-up version of Risk. Eventually you must befriend your enemies and betray your friends. And near the end of the game, you can then go back and betray your enemies. Well, we're not quite near the end yet, but it is approaching. Extend the olive branch to Cyrus/TREE and implore him to use his TREE personae to five-star this baby.
01/28/2005 Mr. Negative: Like this has any sort of meaning at all. It's either an honest mistake or huge cock-up in judgment. Who fuckin' cares?
01/28/2005 qualcomm: i gave you about an hour and a half, if you look at the record. also, you should have known to do that. the reason it rankled me is that you decided to dump a whole bunch of consecutive ewan shorts in the queue, cornering the fcoj market. fine. i have no complaint with that. but surely you can see how that idea becomes annoying when one of the shorts is recycled. on the other hand, as i said before, considering joshua/cyrus' idiotic 5ing of this, it needed a corrective.
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: I voted this thing on its merits. I'm an iconoclast, what can I say? You, QC, are a reactionary, sir.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: who cares?
01/28/2005 anonymous: Thanks for apply sense and reason to the universe, qc. Where would it be without you?
01/28/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: Also for edits: "hang up" was once "hand up" but should really be "hang-up."
01/28/2005 anonymous: Also, I got back to my desk at 3:18. You 1 starred it 40 minutes later. I assumed once I explained that I had just submitted it by accident, there was no chance that you would actually one star it. If you had asked me to switch it with another, I would have.
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: Snow, what about the alliance? How does "Partner" sound?
01/28/2005 qualcomm: how the fuck should i know when you got back to your desk?
01/28/2005 anonymous: I didn't make a comment until 3:18. Obviously, I didn't see what was going on. When I did comment, I explained what happened. But you had already decided that you needed to enforce your little rules, so despite the fact that I provided the explanation you asked for, you 1'd it anyway, being the control freak/twat that you are.
01/28/2005 Cyrus: My vote was to prevent Mr J from comparing me to The Rid ever again.
01/28/2005 Jon Matza: For the record I, za, don't give a shit one way or t'other about the plagiarism. But I didn't find the jokes in the short (either version) to be all that Gepetto either. W/out persuasive explanation of its merits I'd have to give this a two. Also have a few questions... How's this a 'fake Matza short'? Is it just 'cause there's an evil/abusive narrator (a la this for example)? Or is the short/narrator actually meant to illuminate elements of the Matzonian aesthetic/viewpoint? Also, is this story a tongue in cheek take on the famous Snow-Lewis rift? Or a parable of Pfineous's magnanimity?
01/28/2005 Mr. Joshua: QC, Snow seems to be avoiding my efforts to reach out and form an alliance. So let's put aside past rancor and work something out. Whaddya say, buddy? Blood is thicker than water.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: It's not technically plagiarism.
01/28/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: There are a few of tell-tale "TZA" characteristics--a couple of which you've just named: in particular that smug, self-satisfied, gleefully misogynistic narrator. But one detail in particular stands out. The act of punctuating the diatribe with a little wrangling of the steed. I think I remember reading a story back in the days of yore--off the page, actually, before these heady days of cyber--that had something almost exactly like that, only a little sexier. (Sorry, Snowy).
01/28/2005 Litcube: Is this an inside short? I'm not feelin' it.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Matza, this was originally an attempt to imitate the style of some of your shorts (like in the short you cited), and also the use of the term like "Johnny Stick". That's all. It has nothing to do with you, and less to do with Lewis or anything else.
01/28/2005 anonymous: It's not even non-technically plagiarism. I wrote it, I just accidentally posted it twice.
01/28/2005 Jon Matza: You know I almost said "plagiarism issue" in last comment then didn't b/c I've been self-conscious about using such terminology since scoop called me a pontificating blowhard the other day. From now on there's only one guy I'm gonna try and please: THIS GUY.
01/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Thanks, dude!
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: EVERYBODY'S FREAKING OUT
01/28/2005 qualcomm: i guess i could have deduced that you had returned from away by your 3:18 comment. but even so, in your 3:22 comment, you seemed to be saying that you intended to keep this short up anyway. being pretty sure that you had other shorts in the queue, i got a bit annoyed that you didn't simply replace it. did you really not think of doing that? it only takes a minute. even if you returned at 3:18, 30 minutes elapsed before i voted. the point of the main page is for authors to display their new material. that's not some minor technicality i'm arguing here ("enforce your little rules"; "control freak"). your callous, callous decision to leave this up after the facts came out (and pretty fucking immediately did they come out) is tantamount to treating acme as if you owned it. you do not, sir. there are other fuckers in queue waiting their turn to put something up, and a loyal customer base, comprised mainly of those same fuckers, waiting to read something new. your choice to leave up a recycled short was like a big FU. even more important, as i already said, my honest reaction to this short is that i don't think it's very good, so what are you complaining about? i would have corrected joshua/cyrus' disingenuous votes outside of this issue. seriously.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: i'm perfectly calm, dv
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: I AM FREAKING OUT, only.
01/28/2005 Jon Matza: Vomit: I'd strongly recommend mowing on a mellow mint.
01/28/2005 Litcube: In light of recent comments, I’m quite certain that this isn’t an inside short. However, when you gentleman ignore me thus, my insides tear a little bit. Something wells in the corner of my eye. “It’s just allergies,” I reply to my co-workers. Your apathy is like steel wool upon my gentle soul.
01/28/2005 anonymous: To address you last point, which is bullshit, I'd point out that you threatened to one-star the short in the first place. Determined to go ahead and one-star it, and feeling perhaps your reason was lame, you decided to come up with a different reason. Notice how you made sure to state your reason along with your vote, lest you be accused of doing what you were, in fact, doing. It’s like: "I'm going to shoot you if you don't give me all your money." Bang! Bang! Bang! "That was because you're mean to your dog." Somehow the later explanation doesn't ring true. Not to mention that "corrective" voting has been, I thought, long since discredited. Right, scoop?
I would have been happy to remove or replace it, if I thought that was what people wanted me to do. For all I knew you'd say "replacing a short on the front page?! After it already has votes?! C'est un scandale. I’ll have to one-sar you and bring you up before rez judish!" The whole thing strikes me like the act of a little kid who can't wait to run and tell mommy when his brother does something bad.
And is this really an FU? Are you at all serious about that? First of all, I had a fresh short up there this morning and two yesterday, providing plenty more fresh material than usual. Second, does anybody actually doubt that I did this by mistake? I mean, what the fuck?
01/28/2005 anonymous: Correct, Litcube. Not inside.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Sorry, valued, sensitive brother. No, it isn't.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Author, my 1, for which this cunt is awaiting destruction, was for general principle. Looking back through the tomes, I don't think this particular thing has ever happened before, mistake or otherwise, so let it be said that if it happens again without correction I'll do the same thing. If you fixed it, even with some throwaway shit joke off the top of your head I wouldn't have done it, so for what my opinion is worth, that's why.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Gee, thanks, Buyer. That's real swell of you.
01/28/2005 Litcube (3):
01/28/2005 anonymous: Who published this tripe, anyway?
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: I'm a swell guy.
01/28/2005 Ewan Snow: anon_c must be retarded or illiterate if he can't figure it out, considering it has been stated explicitly several times.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: to answer YOUR bullshit comments in no particular order:
- yes, i threatened to one-star this short when it first came out. i asked the author for an explanation before i did so. i threatened in fact to only give the author 10 minutes, just because whatever. in fact, i gave him 1 hour and 48 minutes. my first assumption was that it must be a mistake, but i wanted to hear it from the author. i don't think that's unreasonable, and i did wait for an answer.
- i can't really answer your charge about my "true" motivations for 1-starring this. what am i going to say to "somehow, it just doesn't ring true"? are you saying i secretly like it? i really think it deserves about a three. now, was i also annoyed by the other thing? yes. but lemme ask you something: is it possible for someone to have more than a single motivation for rating something?
- i am serious about the FU quality of your decision. to me, it seems really obvious that the right to do would be to switch in a new short with a note explaining what happened. your failure to see that this would have been the right thing doesn't ring true to ME. are you telling me you wouldn't be slightly annoyed if i recycled one of my old shorts? of course you would. yes, yes, i know this was an accident, but your decision to go ahead and leave it up anyway nullifies that. can't you see that? it was a retroactive decision to post old material, when by your own admission you had new material on hand.
- now, it's important to note that i don't think saying FU to acme really matters all that much. but then, i really don't think 1-starring someone's short matters all that much. you're the one getting all emotional. my read on your attitude here was, "mulp, i'm just gonna leave this old short up. what do you think of that? mulp." you were stonewalling. playing hardball. knowing how scared of you everyone else on the site is, i decided to play hardball back. that's right, matza: i alone am brave and true.
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: How does one manage to mistakingly publish a short twice in the first place? That's pretty crazy! I mean...if you was moving a few around in the Q and goofed, and like...double-published one day after the other...then maybe.
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: Hey. I just picked this as the latest controversy EX POST FACTO!
01/28/2005 anonymous: illiterate and/or retarded, E.S., or disinterested in reading the entire thread, you windbags
01/28/2005 Ewan Snow: Here’s the problem, qc. You say things like “your decision to go ahead and leave it up” and “you were stonewalling. playing hardball” when in fact I made no decision, and was hardly playing hardball. I was sort of confused at first, having totally forgotten that I’d published it before. It was not obvious to me that the only right thing to do was immediately replace it. I said I’d delete it if I could. I will now replace it with my apologies to the acne community. But what pissed me off was that you immediately took a mistake as an “FU” and felt the need to punish it. Felt a responsibility to punish it. If you had just said “replace this short with another”, I would have done so. If you look at the exchange, Pony says “So you're going to leave it up, author?”. I responded “Pony, I can't take it down, can I?” meaning delete it. Then you 1-star’d it. Then Pony said “I guess the only way would be to replace it with another short of yours already in the queue.” Was it when I said “Really? There are edits? Pony, what are they? So I guess this really is a new short! Mulp, director's cut.” I was obviously joking. It just heckles my cockles when you act all Der Kommissar. And as for the “you’re the one who cares/I don’t even care” argument, you care enough to feel the need to police acme with an iron fist. Do you deserve extra credit because you do so dispassionately?
So sorry I left this up for so long, but what the F?
01/28/2005 Litcube: I really enjoyed reading this.
01/28/2005 qualcomm: my response here
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Hey, so this is the part where I stay out of it, right? OK!
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: Hey, Buyer. S'up?
01/29/2005 TheBuyer: Hey, DV!
01/29/2005 Phony Millions (5): Well, I missed the bulk of the controversy and I assume that now I'm voting on the new not so short short. This is prime Snow - full of weird detail and satire, a little Kafkaesque to use a bludegeoned term. Funny shit. I guess the vote abosrbs into the other votes for the first repeat-short, but I'd probably give this between a four and a five anyways.
01/29/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4):
01/29/2005 John Slocum (4): Slocum here, and here's how I voted on this: a 2 for the original short because it sucked and was annoying, averaged with a 5 for this funny, long story with which you replaced it, rounded up because 1.you pissed QC off and 2. I'm scared of you...like I'm scared of eating great candy bars!
01/29/2005 John Slocum: By the way, Snow-Dawg, in the cool morning light, it seemed to sloc-dawg like you were being a little silly yesterday, in the sense of over-reacting. Not that it's any business of mine and I enjoyed, anyway, your applying to heat to QC. There - I said it, proving that Slocum fears no one.
01/30/2005 Mr. Joshua: What about forming an alliance? Is anybody out there? Maniacs? Jimson? Danko? Somebody, please.
01/30/2005 Mr. Pony (4): This is pretty funny! Why are the ratings so low?
01/31/2005 Cyrus: What a gigantic fuckaroo that was. Although short finally replaced with something really good I can not believe the length and detail of the argument. Both QC and ES claiming repeatedly that the votes don't matter yet ES is still pissed and QC still voted. Wasted 20 minutes reading all comments then took a big shit.
02/2/2005 scoop (5): Sweet lede, really good. By the way, freak out much guy?
02/2/2005 Ewan Snow: Naw, only now and again.