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In an alley in any shitty, dirty city in this country, one bum holding a bleeding knot on his forehead, approaches a younger bum, picking through a Dumpster.
The younger one looks up from his search for cans and bottles long enough to notice the older ones fresh injuries. He sticks his head back into the dumpster before inquiring.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
“Heh, heh. You missed it. You missed it.”
An uncaring grunt from the trash bin followed.
“Heh, heh. You missed it. It was perfect, man, perfect.”
“All right, old man, what the fuck?” the younger one said begrudgingly pulling himself out of the bin. “Well?”
“Heh, heh. Well, you know that short, fuckin’ pig, Rivera?”
“Heh, heh, well, anyway. He’s the fucker that’s always giving me shit, waking me up when I’m asleep on the grate over near that Citis Bank. Heh, heh, well, I went up to him this morning and I said, ‘Rivera, you ever give a better BJ then the one you gave me?’ Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaa, ha, haaaaaaaa,” then he started coughing and spitting up phlegm.
“And he didn’t know what to say, he just stood there,” the old man said recovering. “He says ‘no,’ he’s fucked up. He says ‘yeah,’ he’s fucked up. He don’t know what to say.”
“So what happened,” the younger man asked, finally mildly interested but not enough to stop him from dipping back into the bin looking for more potential nickels.
“He busted me across my head with his stick,” the older one said, touching his head as a reminder and sending a new torrent of blood and puss streaming down the side of his face. “God damn that hurts. Heh, heh. It was fuckin’ beautiful. Heh, heh. He had nothing to say. Heh, heh. Nothing to say.”
Another grunt.

Date Written: January 21, 2005
Author: Pods
Average Vote: 2.5

02/8/2005 Will Disney: Which country?!
02/8/2005 Will Disney (3): 3.5 stars
02/8/2005 The Rid: What are potential nickels?
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I would guess that "potential nickels" refers to any nickels the younger fellow might find in the dumpster, and not any specific type of nickel, Rid.
02/8/2005 The Rid: Thanks, Pony! I thought it might be nickels that the national mint had only half minted, or something.
02/8/2005 The Rid: Thanks, Pony! I thought it might be nickels that the national mint had only half minted, or something.
02/8/2005 Cyrus: Dumpster dive=returnable bottles/cans=nickels...potential nickel before return can/bottle. Can I assume no poor people on acme?
02/8/2005 Cyrus: excluding the author.
02/8/2005 qualcomm: everyone here had a maid, right?
02/8/2005 Cyrus: My apologies QC. I should not generalize like that. Of course you were diving for "potential nickels" before you hit the big time.
02/8/2005 The Rid: qc, not until I was 15. Does that count?
02/8/2005 Jon Matza: Re "potential nickels": whether or not readers are pampered rich kids or street smart/underprivileged enough to "get" it isn't the point. It's just irritating writing. It's calling-attention-to-itself language. If you don't know what it means you have to stop and figure it out, and it isn't witty enough to justify the distraction. It's "colorful language" at the expense of clarity & flow. It leaves you with the impression of the author saying, "look everyone-I've got a knowing phrase for 'cans': potential nickels! Classic!" In short, the author should be eviscerated for this horrible infraction.
02/8/2005 TheBuyer: Pop/beer cans are worth 5 cents up here.
02/8/2005 TheBuyer: That's what my manservant told me, anyhow. [he's brown and he recycles, I don't trust him]
02/8/2005 Sergio: So all the Canadians were aware of this term? Regardless of getting it this short is kinda flat.
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I'm going to stick with the idea that the younger fellow thought that maybe someone threw away a big bag of nickels. Matza, that nullifies your comment, doesn't it?
02/8/2005 Jon Matza: Are you intentionally missing my point, buyer? Maybe another Canadian could explain what it means for everyone a third time.
02/8/2005 Dick Vomit (2): KUHHHHHHHRAP!!!! !!!! !!!! Bing zang gling glang FOOP. TICKLE MY TITS
02/8/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I didn't have a problem with "potential nickels", and I don't understand Matza's logic (other than to note that such semi-rational screeds are an ongoing part of his forum personality.) "rigorous glottal massage", anyone? The only difference between "rigorous glottal massage" and "potential nickels" is in degree of cleverness, not kind.
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: Well, Streif, one phrase is attempting to lend an air of shorthand authenticity. The other's just sort of a weird way of putting something. I think that's the difference he's talking about.
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: Although...could it be that the guy is looking for potential nickels, the nickels that appear in order to balance out the appearance of anti-nickels in the boiling sea of quantum change in dumpsters everywhere?
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: whoa, I'm sorry, that was dumb
02/8/2005 TheBuyer: Bah apologies, that earlier explaination didn't stick in my brain somehow.
02/8/2005 Jon Matza: SFBD: you seem to have accidentally substituted the term 'semi-rational screed' for 'radiant, airtight thesis'. For the record I thought 'rigorous glottal massage' was a cheap joke. Pony, don't get self-conscious, that bit made me laugh.
02/8/2005 Ewan Snow: For the record, "potential nickels" as a euphemism for cans was perfectly clear and unambiguous to me, it's just that it wasn't funny/interesting/good, and so I didn't see its point.
02/8/2005 John Slocum (3):
02/8/2005 The Rid (2):
02/8/2005 qualcomm: hey pony: YOUR dumpster is a boiling sea of quantum change!
02/8/2005 Mr. Pony: I...
02/8/2005 Jawbreaker (2): I just really wasn't impressed with this one. I got the nickel comment but overall it just didn't do it for me.
02/8/2005 Litcube (3): Hey, this almost made me laugh. Some f'd up writing.
02/9/2005 cuntry (2):
02/9/2005 John Slocum: pods?
02/9/2005 TheBuyer (3): skid logic, eh.