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“Table for 2 please”
My brother and I followed the short Japanese Waitor though the Sushi Restaurant. He sat us in a booth near the washroom and left two menus on the table.
Seconds later a woman clad in the traditional all-you-can-eat sushi apron (green plaid with a nicely embroidered duck in the center) approached the table. In a quiet, efficient manner she placed chop sticks, a soy sauce dish and a napkin in front of each of us. We ordered a pot of green tea.
“Green tea,” she acknowledged, shuffling off.
Neither of us glanced at the menu.
The Waiter returned for our order.
“Ready to order?” he asked in a thick Japanese accent.
It was my brother who spoke first. “We’d like one million pieces of salmon sushi.”
The waiter looked up from his order pad at my brother and then at me.
”Ready to order?” he asked again, this time, a slight tremble was present in his tone.
“We’d like one million pieces of salmon sushi,” I confirmed.
“One Million?” the waiter asked. Beads of sweat slipped down his forehead. His eyes jerked from our table to the sushi bar.
“Yes” my brother responded.
The waiters face began to tremor and turn red.
He grew more excited and fearful with each passing second.
"But that’s impossible. No one can order one million salmon sush-”
At that moment the waiters head exploded and somewhere in the distance a scantily clad Japanese man rang a gong.
Date Written: February 05, 2005Comments:
Author: Klause Muppet
Average Vote: 3.875
02/23/2005 Will Disney: Welcome to AcmeShorts!
02/23/2005 Phony Millions (3): Mildly amusing. Is chronic puncuation laziness a characteristic of guest authors in particular? 'Waiter's', not 'waiters'. Sorry to be a pill.
02/23/2005 The Rid: Evans, I agree regarding puncuation. Jawbreaker, take note.
02/23/2005 Jawbreaker: thank's rid. ill take note of my grammmaticall errs.
02/23/2005 Will Disney: Author, good save at the end, by the way.
02/23/2005 Jon Matza (4): Fine by me.
02/23/2005 Dick Vomit: The tremor killed it. The gong saved it.
02/23/2005 Litcube (5): Holy fucking shit that was funny! I laughed out loud for 4 - 5 sec. straight.
02/23/2005 Jawbreaker (4): Loved the ending. Nice touch on the gong.
02/23/2005 The Rid (4): Yeah. Laughed my ass off.
02/23/2005 TheBuyer (4): Hello!
02/23/2005 John Slocum: restaurant short.
02/23/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): Feh
02/23/2005 TheBuyer: Since it's a first effort I won't even bother to mention that '2.73 seconds' makes me very VERY ANGRY! FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK? GnaK! GNaK!! Brakkackakka!
02/23/2005 The Rid: Yeah! And the words, if spoken in a thick, Japanese accent, woiuldn't roll off his fucking tongue! Goddamnit! What the shit is that shit!
02/23/2005 Litcube: I disregarded the errors in this short due in part to the welcoming of a new òthir, and because I really did laugh 'till I farted.
02/23/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Hey, new guest! There's some funny stuff here offset by some less funny stuff! The gong was funny, the million pieces of salmon was inexplicably funny, but the Waiter/Manager thing didn't help you any, and for the specific amount of time, you should be made to eat 2.73 Ford Fiestas!!!! Still, overall, a good start, a promising start.
By the way, the Rid, you should know that I am one half Japanese, and frankly, I don't think it's all that funny to hear you making fun of my mother's native accent. I think I speak for everyone when I say that your smarmy brand of hateful racism isn't welcome at Acme.
02/23/2005 The Rid: I fail to see how commenting on an accent implies anything regarding race. You could substitute the word "Japanese" with "French," or "Dutch," or "Southern American Redneck." In short, FU!
02/23/2005 Mr. Pony: You are the worst kind of racist.
02/23/2005 Mr. Negative: Hey. Fuck both of you. Crybabies.
02/23/2005 Klause Muppet: Word
02/23/2005 anonymous: Thanks for the welcome. I enjoy the site and am happy to be submitting. Long live Canada!
02/23/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, Mr. Negative, how is it that you can be so blind to the Rid's Racism? I mean, you seem to be an intelligent fellow. Could it be that you are as racist as the fucking hand up your ass? Could it be that we are all as racist as the hand up our ass?
02/24/2005 Mr. Pony: Seriously, though, racism isn't funny.
02/24/2005 Litcube: So this was the short, eh Klause? What words here did you think I would have clued in on? Because, I didn't know this was you up until the afternoon.
02/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Wrong short, Litcube. You'll have to wait until the next one. It Gary with a silent R.
02/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Fucking punctuation! It's Gary with a silent R.
02/24/2005 The Rid: Since when do you capitalize racism? Pony, I don't find the rid's comment funny; I also don't think it is racist. And I think you're both a bag of dicks.
02/24/2005 The Rid: Yep! My comment's not racist! Thanks, me!
02/24/2005 anonymous: So you're Mr. Negative, Rid?
02/24/2005 The Rid: We're sharing a computer at work while we move offices.