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Hi, I'm the Pisser. The others have had their kidneys removed, so I piss for all of us. It's usually not so bad, though I have to empty our bladder about 30 times a day. Sometimes, when we've been consuming a great quantity of fluids, I can piss a continuous stream! My record is 47 minutes of pissing. Usually, I take supplemental intravenous renin when it gets rough like that.

You look confused. Well, we were confused, too. There's ten of us, whose circulatory systems were bound together by a bizarre supra-dimensional vortex. You can't see or feel the tubes, but they're there. Our right ventricles were bisected and connected together, in sequence. My veinous blood flows directly into Bill's heart, and his to Ernie's, and so on through seven other fellows and back to me!

It leads to some pretty strange circumstances. For instance, we all eat, because it's such a pleasure, but this one time, unbeknownst to Ernie, we fasted for a day as a birthday present for him. He spent his entire birthday in a continual self-gorging, weeping tears of joy as he masticated, struggling mightily to keep our blood glucose up. He said he'd never had a better present.

We can also, if you'll pardon the expression, drink like fucking fish! Sometimes we'll go to a bar, and Larry will challenge the biggest guy in there to a drinking contest. The rest of us will go off and talk in a corner booth, while Larry confounds his prey by drinking 7 bottles of whiskey. Everyone wonders why we're off in the corner getting drunk on Shirley Temples and Sprite, but no one can dispute that Larry wins, hands down! Halfway through, I usually have to go into the restroom and stay there until closing time. Being the Pisser has its downsides.

Steve's an occasional heroin user, which means we all are. He just needs his fix, but since you can't inject that vile concoction arterially, the rest of us bear the brunt until the narcotic circles 'round back to him. Sometimes on a Saturday afternoon I'll get a frantic call from Alan, who's upstream of me. "It's coming!", he'll shout, "Get off the road! Stop operating heavy machinery! It's a big one this time!". Three minutes later, it'll hit me like a ton of bricks. It takes nearly an hour until Steve gets his high. We bear with him, though, because we don't have a choice, since our circulatory systems are interconnecting due to some fucked up fourth dimensional space vortex.

Date Written: February 06, 2005
Author: Streifenbeuteldachs
Average Vote: 4.09091

02/24/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: That's one fucked up vortex!
02/24/2005 TheBuyer (5):
02/24/2005 The Rid (5): Graf three is especially clutch. I mean, "Struggling mightily to keep our blood glucose up"? That's just great. Excellent work, author.
02/24/2005 Will Disney (5): nice work - it transported me to another place!
02/24/2005 Dick Vomit (5): I enjoyed this. I will also 5-star it in the hopes this was not written by Mr. Joshua.
02/24/2005 TheBuyer: I thought Streifenbeuteldachs.
02/24/2005 TheBuyer: There's no way I spelled that right.
02/24/2005 The Rid: Buyer, you might've, tho.
02/24/2005 Phony Millions (3):
02/24/2005 anonymous: Hey! Hey! Did anyone notice I got "they're there" right? I mean, shit! That's got to be like the first time that's ever happened on the whole Internet!
02/24/2005 John Slocum (4): Sorry author, you got it wrong. It should have been 'their they're.' Nice piece. Good short too.
02/24/2005 cuntry (3):
02/24/2005 The Rid: I don't usually comment on others' votes - unless it's on my own shorts - but I gotta say, what's with the threes? Fours I get, but three? Huh?
02/24/2005 John Slocum: yah, this is pretty funny. Evans, Cuntry?
02/24/2005 cuntry: it's a one trick pony. funny concept, but not for 5 grafs
02/24/2005 Phony Millions: Yeah, Slocum, ditto Cuntry, although the writing was good.
02/24/2005 qualcomm: an okay idea extended to untoward lengths. only sentence i like is the last one.
02/24/2005 Litcube (4): Good idea. Agree with cuntry here on the "one trick pony" comment. But that ez that pony evar HUNG!
02/24/2005 Litcube: I can't believe I just said that.
02/24/2005 Litcube: I can't believe I just said that.
02/24/2005 Litcube: I can't believe I just said that.
02/24/2005 Litcube: DISNEY!
02/24/2005 Will Disney: Yes?
02/24/2005 Litcube: You know what'd be cool? A simple if statement, comparing the strings of the current submitted comment, and any other comment the author has submitted within the last 120 seconds. If they're ==, skip the submission. Anyway, I think that'd be cool.
02/24/2005 Jon Matza: This thing's blissfully easy to read. Bless you, author.
02/24/2005 Mr. Pony (5): So I was all set to four this thing, then I hit "...Alan, who's upstream of me.." at which point I re-read it and reconsidered. Good work, Author.
02/24/2005 Jawbreaker (4): I like this, but I didn't get it until it was explained to me by The Rid.
02/24/2005 anonymous: That's a conversation I would have enjoyed hearing.
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: Hey, is this the one you moved down to put up the last one? If so, it was totally worth waiting for.
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Indeed it was. And thank you.
08/18/2010 Marvin_Bernstein (2): no nope dont like it at all