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Wilma was a woman. (Not to be mistaken with those genderless characters in other shorts.) She worked in the accounting department at Nuggett and Nuggett. Her workstation was 2 cubicles from the coffee counter which made her one popular bitch.
Today was Staff Appreciation Day and Moria, the Marketing Manager, had come over to give Wilma a massage.
“That feels good,” Wilma said. She could feel Moria’s paunch against the back of her head. Moria was a tall woman.
“You know what would kick this Staff Appreciation Day into high gear,” Wilma teased.
Prepared, Moria reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a cigarette. She put it in Wilma’s mouth and lit it with her Scott Baio zippo.
Deaf Denise peeked over from the neighboring cube and waved for their attention.
“Gay with aids,” she signed.
Date Written: February 13, 2005Comments:
Author: Klause Muppet
Average Vote: 3.4
02/25/2005 qualcomm: that's not the sign for 'gay with aids.' you really should do your homework.
02/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Author, was this work complete? Should people begin commenting and rating?
02/25/2005 Dylan Danko: Yes, yes, let's give everybody the benefit of making sure their 'works' are complete before voting on them. Author, would you like to revise this one before we vote? Perhaps potential voters can provide some helpful hints and you can incorporate them into the short before we vote so as to maximize star power. Just let us know when you want us to vote.
02/25/2005 anonymous: it's complete. rate it. comment on it. rip it apart.
02/25/2005 Litcube: This is fucked up, dude.
02/25/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): And big you us.
02/25/2005 anonymous: thanks
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: I must have read this six times, I have no fucking idea what kind of backassed redneck office would tolerate both smoking and cripples [the deaf].
02/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Dylan, it's because of your noble sacrifice that we ask ourselves (and other authors) questions like this. Your "Glossy Life" is a shining example to us all. Also, Litcube's right, this short is really very disturbing,
02/25/2005 Dylan Danko: Alright. I like the gay with aids thing b/c that's always funny but there was nothing else particularly funny about this and there were some rather unneccessary details which bothered me. Why, for instance do we care that her desk is 3 cubicles from the coffee counter? We're told about the type of lighter Moria owns for its own sake and nothing else unless of course the author is implying that Scott Baio is gay and has aids in which case I'll have to deduct a star for the vilest slander.
02/25/2005 Dylan Danko (3):
02/25/2005 Litcube (4): 3.5. I read it again, and I'm pretty sure the author's intention was for a fucked up office "clip", with a slight accent on, “Surprise! This is funny!” at the end. I think this author has succeeded. Also, I enjoy this kind of humour. I picture Deaf Denise popping up from her cubicle, and I've come to the conclusion, after some Excel spreadsheet formulas, that this is indeed funny.
02/25/2005 Dylan Danko: But why is Wilma less genderless than "those other characters?"
02/25/2005 anonymous: Scott Baio's gay?
02/25/2005 Litcube: I don't think it matters, Danko. The setup includes useless fucking details to derail us in hopes that we don't anticipate the BIG SURPRISE! Or, the author's a sidewalk skipping, limb swinging, off-tune whistling, 9 year old retard. Author, I know who you are. You will get away with this once. Also, if you continue to bastardize my "gay" quotes, swift and merciless thumpings will I mete.
02/25/2005 The Rid (3): Hmm; didn't laugh. But the useless details must mean something.
02/25/2005 Mr. Pony: This is either kind of brilliant or criminally stupid.
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: is it Klause the elfomo?
02/27/2005 Daphne: Has Acme Shorts' mission changed somehow?
02/28/2005 Klause Muppet: the short was inspired from a previous short about a woman getting into the elevator and listening to two gay men talk about their affair. other authors commented that they were not clear that the protagonist was indeed female. So, I decided to take it on myself to write a short about a woman who in no doubt was a woman. Hence Wilma. I then wanted to give litcube a shout out so I used the words 'lit' and 'cube' in the story. Then topping it off with a quote from the ol' mighty litcube. "Gay with aids". Anywho... them the details.
02/28/2005 Will Disney: Daphne: how do you mean?
03/1/2005 John Slocum (3): are details supposed to mean something? An easy and enjoyable read, if somewhat boring. A tiny bit funny. Klause: you show great promise. Litcube: great use of 'mete.'