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Faster, Pussycat! A Memoir

In the Beginning

"What gives?"

"My back! Would you get off of me, goddammit?" Gina was neither generous nor sexy. But she was prodigious. My spine was killing me.

"I thought you liked it, though."

I clenched my teeth and settled in for an evening of compromise. I had recently taken to calling the phone numbers located in the fetish section of some local rag I picked up downtown. The responses I got were mostly inane, but Gina interested me.

A longing for female bodybuilder companionship was not what I desired, however, and Gina wasn't going to take it lying down. In fact, I was only interested in the phenomenon (as I saw it) that possessed my recently hobbled younger brother.

"I'm interested in you for the sake of the fetish. In other words, in the fetish itself. Not you. I'm not looking for your type. You're not my type."

"Did I hear you correctly?" snapped Gina. The new Buddy Holly record I had put on minutes before was starting to rankle me.

"Yes," I replied. She became agitated. "Yes, ma'am. That's right." I was hoping that good manners led the way to her heart. Instead, they led directly to three consecutive power cleans, with yours truly serving as a human barbell.

Jeezus. The girl didn't care for isometrics. Guess she didn't watch Jack LaLanne on the tube.

A few hours later, Gina and I reconciled.

"Russ, you're such a cad, you know that? If that's your real name. What's with the camera?"

"Just play along, okay?" I started to film as she performed various exercises, but I soon lost interest, and daylight. It wasn't muscles I needed. It was breasts. Voluminous breasts.

Coming Next Week...Film School

Date Written: February 15, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 1.75

02/28/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: eh? is this a series?
02/28/2005 qualcomm (1): i really dislike this. really.
02/28/2005 The Rid (2): What is this? As a non-Russ Meyer fan, I have to say there's nothing in this short for me.
02/28/2005 TheBuyer (2): I like that good manners shtick, that phoney 'yas'm' bullshit never worked for me either; then there's the rest of the short which loses focus somewhere between renta-a-fetish and voluminous breats and never gets it back.
02/28/2005 TheBuyer: Yes breats, breats. god.
02/28/2005 Will Disney: i'm willing to give this series a chance - why is everyone toking so hard this Monday AM?
02/28/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (2): Didn't like. If it's a series that I turn out to enjoy, will rate subsequent installments higher.
02/28/2005 Jawbreaker: I think I am going to have to re-read and then vote.
02/28/2005 Mr. Pony: I myself have not read this yet. It is possible that I may be able to vote after one reading, but if not, I, too may need to re-read it. I shall keep you all posted. Should a third reading be necessary, or should I find myself in the position of wanting to take some time to consider (or reconsider) my vote before casting it, I shall likewise keep you all posted. None of you need take any action.
02/28/2005 Jawbreaker: Gee, Pony, you sure know how to make people feel comfortable to comment on this site.
02/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, come on. I was just having a little fun with you.
02/28/2005 Jawbreaker: Ok, I'll forgive you this time but only because you drew a picture.
02/28/2005 Partytime: Dude one star is such a hangover vote. No more Sunday night keg stands for you. Try this.
02/28/2005 Partytime: this
02/28/2005 Partytime: I am trying to get to this fucking Russian drunk pill thing. www.rense.com/general63/keep.htm But I have lost all my aplomb. Partytime has fizzled. It's her fault.