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So these fucking whoring Republican overlords are driving me crazy. Like, they want to control our choices and take away old-fashioned turnstiles and other shit?! Fuck that! So I'm smoking about the shit with Asteroid and he's like, hey man, you're so cosmic you should do like a performance art thing that's anti that shit. So I decide to crank some serious performance art; show those fuckin' peddlers of cancer and war.
So I take a few babies from the commune and tell Natura that I'm takin' the babies for a night camping. She's like it's supposed to keep raining all night and you need to be careful with babies and shit. Druid says she was reincarnated from like a nurse. But man, she's got these bells on her skirt that sound just like the ones on Santa's sleigh. They jingle so you know he's coming, unlike these fucking technology slut insect planes which appear all over the place today! So Natura organizes shit around the commune and keeps her hideous woman genitalia clean by douching with rice vinegar. But anyway, I'm like, man, Natura, rain's natural. Pretty soon she's cool with it--she even packs me a tempeh rueben and tahini yogurt with avocado for the babies.
So I stick the kids in the truck and we all drink some LSD water. They get pretty goosed by the shit, screamin'. We drive around the city for like a bunch of hours then I dose heavy on some PCP and Meth because I need that primal strength. So it's 3AM Sunday and I go to this suburban subway station that's being renovated. I chain the not-original gate to the back of the truck and rip it the shit out of its sockets. Fuckin' cunt-modern gate!! Anyway, goin' down the stairs I fuckin' lose it with this baby and it goes airborn and crumples or dies or something, which must be how I twisted my knee. So I'm like, this kinda shit is more difficult than I remember.
By the time I get all four into the station I'm like, losing focus. I can't figure out how to get the babies' heads to stick on the prongs of the turnstile. The fuckin' room is sweatin' oospheres and trains are everywhere. I go to the truck and come back with a crowbar and sledge hammer. I start widening the mouth of this baby with the tools, but it starts screamin'. I dump some dust in the babies' mouths, so they won't know, right. Then I get the first mouth wide enough to put on an arm of the turnstile. But then shit gets fucked up. I realize that the fourth arm of the turnstile is facing down and it's gonna be mission impossible to get a baby on the bottom arm. But the freakier thing is that during this whole thing I'm fighting away flypaper that's coming down from all these ceilings. I mean these babies are totally tripped-out and dying anyway.
So I get two on the top arm after like, time. One has this hole through his head that he's attached by and the one on top of him has this hole through her stomach because I can't figure out any other way to do it. Then the one on the side I call the left side has a hole through her head and the one on the other side has a hole through his ass. But I definitely don't touch any of their woman areas. Fuckin' whore-free and Luddite-approved turnstile. Then I slather the babies in tahini-avocado-yogurt puree because Natura made it and I remember Druid's rap about reduce, reuse, recycle. Anyway, people are gonna see this shit and have to cover their ears because it pretty much screams, "Keep your pig hands off our babies you fuckin' Republicans." At least that's what I write in bloody babyshit and intestine on this American flag I leave on the floor.
Date Written: February 23, 2005
Average Vote: 2.6