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Ivan looked and looked, digging into the snow with his thickly mittened fingers; but he could not find his soul. Determined, Ivan kept digging. He kept digging with those mittens for a half hour or so. It was probably closer to twenty minutes, but it was a long, long time, because of the cold and the snow, so he was really frustrated, and it felt like a half hour.
"Where are you, my salvation... my soul", Ivan moaned, looking up at the sun. The sun symbolized God for him when he talked to it like that. Also, his mittened fingers were curled into claws (even though you couldn’t see them, all you could see was a close up on his face and the mittens).
The sun was in his eyes and he looked really in pain. He wasn’t crying, because he had been through a lot, and had been toughened. But he was really in anguish. The lines on his forehead were wrinkled and his whole face had that look of hurt on it. I can't describe to you how in pain he was - words just can't get at how he felt. After being in real pain like this for a few minutes, which seemed like lots and lots more time than it actually was, maybe even one hour, Ivan sat down. But he was sitting on a box!
“What the...”, Ivan said.
He opened up the box with the back of a hammer he had brought with him, and after taking out all the nails, he put the lid aside and looked in. It was his soul, all glittering and gold, and his soul shined golden on his face. There were diamonds and gems and other jewels in the box, around his soul, which was like diamond letters in gold. It said “S-O-U-L”.
“YES!”, Ivan said, "MY SOUL!". He had found his soul. He took it out of the box, put it around his neck, like a necklace, and walked off. He took the other jewels and gems from the box but he left his hammer, the box and the box lid behind him. He had a long way to walk through the snow, but he had found his lost soul, despite the almost hopeless situation.
Date Written: February 25, 2005Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.4444
03/4/2005 Klause Muppet (3):
03/4/2005 Litcube: This is silly! You are silly, author!
03/4/2005 deliciousbrains (2):
03/4/2005 Jawbreaker (4): My soul would be of very similar gems but in the form of a vibrator.
03/4/2005 Dylan Danko (2): Pulp Fiction
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: Wait, so if the necklace was his SOUL...what were the other gems and things? Also, he should have kept the hammer, maybe!
03/4/2005 Jon Matza (4): There's some krinkle-cut intentionally-awkward writing in here, e.g. the time discussion in the first graf, the insistent repetitions re spiritual pain in graf 3, "his soul shined golden on his face". If I were the author I'd feel slighted.
03/4/2005 qualcomm: there's something deceptively easy about this joke. it's implicitly making fun of the sort of douchebag who goes on and on about his soul, a very easy target. i ain't trying to nitpick; i'm searching my soul for the reason i didn't laugh at this thing. also, how dare you rip off my camera-angle joke -- "(even though you couldn’t see them, all you could see was a close up on his face and the mittens)."
03/4/2005 Partytime: Is this an allegorical reversal? The repetitive search for the soul, rather than being the object of allegory, is the allegory for something more simplistic--like the drunken search for a marble in a shag rug or for a party at 4am.
Please excuse the Blah blah blah blah. Fri ni 'n time to hit the bars.
03/4/2005 Litcube (4):
03/4/2005 John Slocum: Hey! why can't we bet on this one? Will? Disney? Why not?
03/4/2005 Jon Matza: Because fuck you?
03/4/2005 Will Disney: Because you can only bet on Morning Shorts right now. I'm going to "expand" the betting to Super Users shortly, and probably also to Afternoon Shorts.
03/4/2005 Dylan Danko: Um...so where does this betting take place? I went to that site and all I saw was the old bets and accompanying messages.
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: Dude, you totally missed out--Wait, is it still officially Shaun Belorus Week? Can I still do this joke?
03/4/2005 TheBuyer (4): Nice mittens tardo.
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, this short's really weird.
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: I really like how you can tell that the guy who plays Ivan is a really crappy actor.
03/4/2005 Phony Millions: Is this short really, really dry, or just not effective? Should I have to ask the question? Not ready to vote.
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony (4):
03/4/2005 Will Disney: I'm sorry, Dylan - it's only available to authors right now !
03/5/2005 anonymous: dry and ineffective
03/7/2005 John Slocum (4): Very enjoyable and funny. Agree with The Matzoid. A nice piece of work, Maniacs.