home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


“Sandy, you seem to think my comment was irrelevant? And I just want to clarify its relationship to product placement? ”

“Kelly, it isn’t that I didn’t mean to imply that your contribution wasn’t unimportant, however...yes Dick, you have something?”

“Um…well as product placement guru, huh huh. Seriously, we could put the um…ah, wheel pre-cart, target the Ecoweb, films with…ah, progressive…viewership, ah…myriad such um…”

“You agree with Kelly?!”

“No, Sandy. Not no Kelly. I mean ah…there's placement potential, but um, we need to view ah…targets for the advertising and ah…sale of product.”

“See, Dick’s agreeing with me here Sandy?”

“Kelly, and people. Didn’t mean to say you weren’t a person. Sorry ‘bout that Kells. Soooo, I'm running things? Sandy's meeting? Now, Darrin's not-altogether-mediocre ideas--Nature’s Heart and Hearth are unavailable, so we're discussing alternatives with a similar message. Dick’s Nature’s O’Heart and Nature’s Ghost are non-starters. Semi-solid ideas anyone? xanada?”

“Well, I deeply feel that Nature’s Womb's the progressive choice. It avoids classism and cultural bias, and totally appropriates and despoils the stereotype of the womb that the mass media perpetuates.”

"I like where your going here xanada. Darrin, you have a something to add?”

“Yes, thanks Sandy. I'm not sold on Nature’s Womb? Don’t mis-hear me, womb's great stuff, but who’s ready for womb soup? It’s a little strong for the public, xanada, like your comment at the cafe. Anyway, how about Nature’s Earth?”

“My Goddess Darrin, you managed a trite idea and a weak insult. Is fear of empowered women the source of your little problem?

“xanada, personal attacks aren't part of the Earth’s Horizon culture.”

"Sandy, I can't believe you're scolding xanada, when you're the biggest bitch in this company!"

“That's it Kelly! You violated the profanity rule. Please excuse yourself. I'm running my meeting!”

"Oh slutty Sandy's running things? Thanks for dismissing me from this diaper mess of a meeting. The fucking profanity rule?! You’re all insane. Nature’s Womb!?! How about Nature’s Cunt!?! Nature’s Fucking Bloody Cunt. Hey everyone, try a bloodypad-flavored rice cake? I'm bleedin' right now? Check THIS out! It's nature’s fucking bloody red flag!! Darrin, catch!! Nature’s flying bloody red fish flag. Spread some discharge on your sun dried tomato Flying Red Fish Flag Crackers! Oh, now my fingers are all bloody. We could develop bloody menstrual finger cookies! Everyone?! Dick, you disfunctional drone?! Want some cunty cookies Dicky? Anyone for Bloodcreams? Double-stuff? Another fucked-up product from Nature’s Fucking Cunt. Let's “downhome it” with Grandma Kelly’s Bloody Cunt, an Earth’s Horizon Brand!! Everyone?!! No?!! Then fuck all you cardboard retards. Fuck you in the bloody womb and goodbye!!”

“Um…, ah, she may be on to something here, um…ah…product-wise.”

Date Written: March 04, 2005
Author: Partytime
Average Vote: 4.1429

03/11/2005 qualcomm (4): there's some good stuff in there. i wish it were easier to follow.
03/11/2005 anonymous: It's no harder to follow than Days of Our Lives.
03/11/2005 Jon Matza (5): Full of nutritiously wholesome surprises. Well done, "guest" "author". Those proposed product names made me laugh, so did "Xanada". But would Kelly really be "running" the meeting? That seems like an oppressively hierarchical phallocentric model. Also suggest choosing a title that gives less away...
03/11/2005 Litcube (4): Osim. I laughed out loud during the 2nd to last paragraph, and it's mostly attributed to your efficient punctuation use to set the voice tone of the characters (among other devices achieving the same result). Docked for flow in the beginning; it was a boat rockin' start; was slightly disoriented - headache; smooth sailing as I managed to get a feel for this she-bitch of a storm; storm soon cleared.. 4.4.
03/11/2005 BOOTIEANDTHEHOFISH (4): Anyone for Bloodcreams?
03/11/2005 Will Disney: you know what this short could use? some extra line breaks!
03/11/2005 Klause Muppet (4):
03/12/2005 TheBuyer (4):
04/3/2005 deliciousbrains (4): Cunty Cookies