home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Standing on a grassy hill in some remote location, I wondered how I could escape this hell on earth. Trey, Portia, and Bryce had all convinced me that I'd have a better time at the Dave Matthews show than in sitting around at home by myself. God, how they were wrong.

Some non-athletes passed in front of me. The vegan pepperoni I had accommodatingly consumed was producing untoward sensations in my GI tract. It was hot. Graham Greene Mexican wasteland hot. Bodies started to pulsate haphazardly to the trite chords. A mindless counterpoint of movement choreographed by rote DMB articulation. Stench, etc.

How could I make this my own personal Altamont?

Date Written: March 04, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 2.75

03/14/2005 Partytime: Do you mean Altamont as in bloody scene where Hell's Angels beat up hippies with pool cues, or Altamont as in "meaningful" tripped out experience.
03/14/2005 The Rid: Isn't DMB and the mythos surrounding it an easy target? Seriously.
03/14/2005 anonymous: Sure, but aren't annoying women, downtrodden losers, sexual assault, etc. also easy targets? Hopefully the quality of the writing makes it decent.
03/14/2005 Klause Muppet: Hello!
03/14/2005 Will Disney: I thought this one was going downhill but I ended up appreciating it, if not laughing OUT LOUD.
03/14/2005 Litcube: I had a dream that Disney wrote a few paragraphs articulating how he really felt about a short. Last night; true story.
03/14/2005 Mr. Pony: I'd have woken up screaming and screaming and screaming!
03/14/2005 Jon Matza: I think "undulate" would've been a better word than "pulsate". You're welcome.
03/14/2005 Litcube: He wasn't threatening at all, just long winded and articulate with no exclamation marks. He meant what he said.
03/14/2005 Will Disney: Wait - did you really have a dream or are you implying something?
03/14/2005 Litcube: This dream happened. Also, you're sounding a little threatening right now; I just thought you should know.
03/14/2005 The Rid: The first graf is superfluous. Yes, author, the second graf is well written. But so what? Wouldn't reading the narrator's personal Altamont be more interesting than asking how it could be made into the narrator's personal Altamont?
03/14/2005 TheBuyer (3): a THREE you no-balling assholes!
03/14/2005 Klause Muppet (2):
03/15/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): non-athletes
03/15/2005 Blister Buddy (3): I agree w/ Rid and Partytime that the Altimont reference is unnecessarily vague. I have issues with "...I had accommodatingly consumed..." for some reason. I'm giving a three because I despise the DMB, me.