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Before the Great War, when Fatsoes ruled the world, there were lots and lots more people, as you have been told before. These Fatsoes thought it was a pleasure to munch away on large pieces of Cow. That is one reason why they exploded each other - the eating of the Cowspirit brought out their ego, and made them choose the pride of exploding over what was best for all Fatsoes.
Another reason was the smartest of the Cowspirits, our lord, Satan. Satan was marked from all the other Cowspirits because he had red skin and looked like a man. One day, Satan hid his horns under a cap, and dressed up in man's clothing. He convinced the men to explode their others. Then he spoke to their others and told them to explode the first ones. Since the Fatsoes had already been eating cowspirit, they had ego in their blood, and they said OK, yeah, that's a good idea.
That is how a Cowspirit tricked the men into exploding each other into dust, and why today we celebrate Cowday.
Date Written: March 07, 2005Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 2.3333
03/17/2005 Will Disney: so this is from when cows rule the world?
03/17/2005 Will Disney: and are you calling me fat?
03/17/2005 qualcomm: if this is making fun of vegetarians, ok. but if it's simply being all gary larson, then gay.
03/17/2005 anonymous: Then gay it be. Or possibly bi.
03/17/2005 The Rid: I always like it when QC writes two sentences that are funnier than the entire short he's skewering. Four stars for QC!
03/17/2005 Mr. Joshua: The Rid, you are a five star ASS-KISSER.
03/17/2005 Klause Muppet (3): I read this short with a First Nation's accent. Stupid White Man!
03/17/2005 Jon Matza: Dude, just cause Satan has cloven hoofs doesn't mean it's cool to call him the cowspirit. Not that he isn't.
03/17/2005 The Rid: I'm an ass-kisser because I like the comment better than the short? What's the logic behind that, you stupid cunt? (Note: "You stupid cunt" intoned with respect.)
03/17/2005 qualcomm (2):
03/17/2005 Mr. Joshua: Res Ipsa Loquitir. You can't even defend yourself without kissing ass.
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: Last sentence is a rip-off. (6.75 I3)
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow (2): Forgive me, forgive me... (5.9 I3)
03/17/2005 The Rid: Oh, Mr. Joshua, how did things get so bad between you and I? You pot-stirring cunt. I'm no longer engaging with you.
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: Mr. J, it's "Res Ipsa Loquitur". (7.5 I3) Rid, it's "between you and me"; the object of a preposition ("between") requires nouns in the objective case ("me", not "I", which is subjective). (5 I3)
03/17/2005 The Rid: Snow, a colleague already corrected me. Must have been a grievous error!
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: I'm sorry, The Rid, I can't tell if you really think it's a grievous error. Going forward, please indicate the level of irony in all comments by using the International Irony Index designation. (1.763 I3)
03/17/2005 Mr. Joshua: The Rid:
Maybe you should follow Snow's lead, but with a slight variation. You could create an "Obsequiousness Index" with a 10 point scale, and rate each of your comments accordingly.
A 1 would be just the garden variety ass-kissing of which we are all capable at one point or another, but which represents the basic minimum of servility in even the most innocuous of your comments, whereas a 10 would reflect a comment, which even by your impossibly rigorous standards, sets new lows for shamelessness and bootlicking.
03/17/2005 Mr. Joshua: Sorry about the error, Snow. (2.2 RAKS [Rid Ass Kissing Scale])
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: Ha! (0.8 I3) (3.2 RAKS)
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: Author, I've been trying to think up some commentary to accompany my 2 star vote, but I'm not sure what to say. I felt like there were a number of problems. Like is this supposed to be in the future? Also, what does the first sentence of the second graf mean? Is there a word missing? Overall, this just didn't add up for me. I did like the odd construction of: "He convinced the men to explode their others. Then he spoke to their others and told them to explode the first ones." (1.87 I3)
03/17/2005 ground-up dog testicles: also, why did you decide to make every attempt at humor fall flat? it seems like a weird decision, given acme's mission.
03/17/2005 ground-up dog testicles: (Stomach Foot here)
03/17/2005 Partytime (3): Snow the first sentence of graf 2 is referring to "reason" in the previous sentence. Like Satan is another reason they exploded each other.
As far as the short,Gentlemen 3 on the assumption I don't get it.
03/17/2005 Ewan Snow: Oh, yeah. I was wondering why it seemed to make sense the first time I read it, but didn't when I went back to look at it. Didn't read carefully when I looked at it again. Author I owe you a star due to reader error. (1.5 I3)
03/17/2005 Jon Matza: Chimichanga spelling of fatsoes.
03/17/2005 Phony Millions (3):
03/17/2005 Litcube: I laughed at the sheer retardedness of this one, and I'm huge on retards. So in light of this, I'm tempted to four it. The "Satan" thing, however, took away. It took away. Ergo, I shall contemplate.
03/17/2005 Phony Millions: I hear you, Litcube, but if you were like me, the endearing retardness was what pushed it up to a three.
03/17/2005 Litcube: Ah. I hear you.
03/18/2005 Shomer Shabbas (1):
03/18/2005 Ewan Snow: Shomer Shabbas doesn't fuck around.
03/18/2005 Shomer Shabbas: Yeah, no offense to Benny, but this one just didn't do it for me. I didn't figure 'just writing it' deserved two stars; and clicking that '1' did feel cold and harsh. So, Benny, this one hurt me to give as much as it hurts you to receive. Ok that's crap. But keep writing.