home authors guest shorts graphical shorts

AcmeShorts

Yeah, fuck you! That's right, fuckin' fuck you, you fuckin' cunts! Everything is awful and you're all a bunch of buttlickers. And not a buttlicker after a clean shit, but after a nasty diarrhea shit, when there's still stringy bits and chunks of corn on your ass. And you're licking it. Yeah, that's right. And that's where I come in. I put on my best leather gloves, take a handful of the diarrhea shit and smear it on the wall and write "Mr. Negative was here" in letters as high as the amount of shit that you've shat will afford me to write. And I dot the i's with the corn from that fucking poop. You dumb cocksucking cunts. Fuck you. I hate you all.

Date Written: March 15, 2005
Author: Mr. Negative
Average Vote: 2.7778

Comments:
03/23/2005 Partytime: You X-rated Oscar the Grouch you.
03/23/2005 Jawbreaker: I love corn!
03/23/2005 The Rid: Yikes. There's some serious bad feelings here.
03/23/2005 Mr. Pony: There are questions we must ask ourselves here. What is this short trying to accomplish? Does the short successfully meet its goal? Is there a distinction between author and narrator? Does this distinction, or lack thereof, benefit the short, or cause harm to its mission? Does the short produce unintended consequences? What is the POV of the audience? Are we standing over the short, observing it as we would a snail? Or do we sit dead in its sights, subject to its gaze, hypnotized in its thrall?
03/23/2005 qualcomm (1):
03/23/2005 qualcomm: that would be for lack of imagination. i mean, corn? are you really going to focus on shit corn? i like the idea of mr. negative, but man, i wish he were in smarter hands.
03/23/2005 The Rid: I'll bet Mr. Negative wishes he were in smarter hands, too!
03/23/2005 grandpa: I fought in two wars for this?! Jesus H. Christ.
03/23/2005 Will Disney: hey, buddy, take it easy, all right?
03/23/2005 anonymous: Sorry, all. Jus' writin' about shit. Sorry it's not more, I don't know, Acmelike. And FU.
03/23/2005 anonymous: Stoopid.
03/23/2005 Litcube (2): Author, can I ask you a question? Dude to dude? Seriously, I have a question for you, and I'd like you to answer as honestly as possible.
03/23/2005 anonymous: Cube, unless you're going to ask if I want to go camping, I'd rather not hear it. And FU.
03/23/2005 Litcube: So you don't have time for me?
03/23/2005 anonymous: It's not that I don't time for you. I just think you're going to ask some fuckstick question designed to make me look like an asshole and you like a genius. Not that it's that hard to make me look stupid, but still. FU.
03/23/2005 Litcube: So you do have time for me; thatís good to hear. Your concerns regarding my calculated attempts at sabotaging your character, dignity, or reputation, are absolutely untrue, author, and Iím not quite sure where these claims are coming from in light of our short transaction within this short. Thereís no reason to distrust me, is there? I just want to talk. I think that thereís a warm ray within you that wants to break free from your soulís stygian sleeve. Do you feel it? I know you do. Iím smiling, head cocked to the right, and pointing at you right nowÖ Hey? Youíre feeliní it, arenít ya big guy? Thatís right; you have the capacity for compassion. We can work this through. You can trust me.
03/23/2005 cuntry: what is it about corn in poo nostalgia that gets everybody going?
03/23/2005 anonymous: Okay, Cube...I'll bite...
03/23/2005 Klause Muppet (5):
03/23/2005 Jawbreaker (4):
03/23/2005 Phony Millions (3): What's up with that Muppet's 5 star? You've got to explain that shit, brother. This isn't that bad though.
03/23/2005 anonymous: Clearly, Klause is no cunt.
03/23/2005 Mr. Critic (4): Now you all know how to vote.
03/23/2005 Mr. Pony: Phony, I'm surprised at your 3 star!
03/24/2005 Mr. Pony: Yeah, I'm with qualcomm on this one, if you can believe that. I think this is pretty unoriginal as far as an insult goes. I mean, sure, it uses the F word a lot, and we get called a cunt a couple of times, and there's some doo-doo writing (!), but what do we really have here? The hate and anger feels childish and pitiable, but not in the sort of good way that makes me think about humanity or anything. It feels as one-dimensional as the Mr. Negative persona. I mean, you know he's going to act mad and probably call you a cunt, but never with any reason. Never with real technique, and never with any real conviction. It's like when you're walking down the street and you see dog crap. Like, there, you saw it, it's gross, and your day is probably a little less good for having seen it, and maybe for having smelled it, but there's no intelligence behind this encounter. There's no reasoning, and no meaning. You just saw some dog shit. Mr. Negative just called you a cunt. Okey doke.
03/24/2005 Litcube: (Holy fucking crap that was funny. "Okey doke.")
03/24/2005 Templeton Dink: The cunt doesn't bother me because I have one on my face, it's the - whoa...sorry, I'll start over....ahem. The cunt calling doesn't bother me, the buttlicker calling does, it's just a stupid thing to say. Kind of like dillhole. On the other hand I think dicksmack is hilarious, also weiner, but he didn't use those ones.
03/24/2005 Klause Muppet: Phony, perhaps this short resembled my mood today. And for that, my rating was bias. Perhaps me rating it a 5 and clearly going against the popular vote here at Acmeshorts, was my way of saying "Hey author, look at me! I'm telling everyone to fuck off too!" Perhaps I'm just looking for a friend... huh? Any takers? Somebody love me!
03/24/2005 TheBuyer (1): Dude, it happens.
03/24/2005 The Rid (3): Sweatjob.
03/24/2005 Jon Matza: But what was Litcube's question?
03/24/2005 Litcube: I think my question can wait, Matza. Opening up takes time, and Mr. Negative took some very brave, very large steps yesterday.
05/13/2005 The Rid: Mr. Negative is definitely an angry guy.
05/13/2005 anonymous: You think so, Rid? Why don't you log in as him and throw around some more unimaginative, repetitive insults? That would be cunting awesome!
05/13/2005 The Rid: I could do that, anon_user_b, but I'll do it as myself: You're a cowardly cunt! Huzzah!
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Yeah, anon_b, that's some really groundbreaking detective work there. Why not take some credit for it? Congratulations, you faceless chicken!
05/13/2005 Mr. Pony (2):
05/13/2005 anonymous: You want some too Pony? Shall we discuss revealing the identity of a certain Jacob Starfish?
05/13/2005 anonymous: Pony, two stars so long after publishing seems kind of cunty, doesn't it?
05/14/2005 Mr. Pony: What? No. I think shorts are live, all the time. That's why they keep coming up, time and again, in the random lists you see after you comment, and on every author's page. If an author wants people to stop voting, they can always hide the short. And the fact that my vote was on the negative side is a thing, right? I mean, you wouldn't suggest that giving something a four or five-star rating a year after publication was cuntly, would you? As far as that goes, I think most folks would say that it's fair to take the bad with the good, if you're going to take any of it at all. You might even say it's all good, because I give this two freely and honestly and with no malice in my heart. Anyway, if you'll read my long long comments below, you'll see my vote wasn't exactly out of the blue. I mean, I really didn't like this short.
05/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Oh, anon_b.
05/14/2005 anonymous: Perhaps you're right, Pony. And the word is "cunty," not "cuntly."
05/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Of course it is.