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The rail-thin communist caressed the knob of the decanter as he would an apathetic shaft of penis. His decision to remain chaste had become an imbroglio that Lucy Sanchez would neither appreciate nor ignore. Her equivocal glances during last night's modest dinner heightened the tension in the household. Rounds fired negligently into the heavy air as part of a family celebration failed to enliven any sense of nostalgia in this jaded world traveler with the slightly askew Vandyke.
Lucy had pressed him for the keys to the old jeep recently acquired in exchange for their extravagant European coupe. She was dying inside, but from what, she couldn't say. Her body language betrayed the serenity that marked her countenance. She was aging, and rather dramatically at that. The communist could not differentiate meddling crow's feet from deliberate squinting.
As Lucy accelerated down the deserted stretch of road a few miles removed from the odors of the ostrich farm, the AM radio picked up the signal from a remote rock-and-roll station. Although Lucy's understanding of the English language was marginal at best, improved only from a series of crappy eight-tracks discovered in the cargo area of a junker that had been plundered and given to her by her older brother, the mercenary, she was able to deduce that her inability to stay within the acceptable speed limits set forth by the local government was akin to that of the song's lead singer, and she smiled.
Date Written: March 15, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 4.875
03/24/2005 The Rid: I wondered where this was going! I very much like the Sammy ref. Think perhaps this might elicit a five for taking that unexpected turn. Shall see.
03/24/2005 Partytime (5): exo
03/24/2005 qualcomm: evokes sentiment. some of the language is "nice," but some of it just gets in the way. must congratulate the author on dessicated payoff, and the specificity of the cliche explored herein. it's like something out of a really bad larry mcmurtry novel.
03/24/2005 qualcomm (4):
03/24/2005 TheBuyer (5): Good one!
03/24/2005 Will Disney: a nice effort, author. i'd probably give it a 3.25.
03/24/2005 qualcomm: there's something "new" going on this short. the way it handles the cliche, or maybe just the type of cliche it's mining, i don't know. but i suspect this to be the the lodesign of a rich new comic vein.
03/24/2005 The Rid (5):
03/24/2005 Ewan Snow (5): Guest five, easily. There are a couple of problems, like as qualcomm said, some of the language is convoluted, but it definitely manages to paint a scene, a little world even, with just a few key details. One example of non-clarity: "Rounds fired negligently into the heavy air as part of a family celebration failed to enliven any sense of nostalgia in this jaded world traveler with the slightly askew Vandyke."
03/24/2005 qualcomm: ewan, we don't give out guest fives anymore. guest anythings, for that matter. didn't you get the memo?
03/24/2005 Klause Muppet (5): An interesting look into the lives of Lucy and The Communist. Thank you.
03/24/2005 Templeton Dink (5): I'm trying very hard to not vote on anything until my first short is published, but I think this is just lovely and would be moreso without the first paragraph.
03/24/2005 anonymous: Happy to have infused the site with a new lodesign.
03/24/2005 Litcube: I'm having difficulty rating this one, aweuthir. Not sure I get the joke here that everyone else seems to have gotten immediately.
03/24/2005 anonymous: Please see Rid's first comment.
03/24/2005 Jon Matza: I'm not sold either. I got the Hagar reference but the story just seemed like fancy randomness to this wildman. I suspect there's less going on here than meets the eye. My 'za sense tells me it's by a fellow whose name is something along the lines of T-U-R-G-L-D.
03/24/2005 Ewan Snow: Well, what I like about this is the way the particularity of the setting is established. "rail-thin communist", rounds being fired into the air, "old jeep" for "European coupe", "the odors of the ostrich farm" and then the whole nut of "crappy eight-tracks discovered in the cargo area of a junker that had been plundered and given to her by her older brother, the mercenary". It gets across its odd setting in a steady build up, then punches it up with a dumb pop culture joke. I thought it was funny.
03/25/2005 Jon Matza: God bless you, 'za sense.
03/25/2005 Ewan Snow: I know I've asked this before, but who is Turgid? Was he know by another name or is he just himself? Turgid, who are you?
03/25/2005 Jon Matza: I'll tell you later.
03/26/2005 anonymous: I am Turgid.
03/26/2005 anonymous: I am Turgid!
03/26/2005 anonymous: I am Turgid!
03/26/2005 anonymous: Noope! I am.
03/26/2005 Turgid: Hey!
10/5/2006 Master Bates (5): toss in some vomit and you're there